Sybil Bruncheon's "Separated At Birth?... or THE SAME PERSON?!?!?"...

The strange case of Velma Cruther and Leroy Jessup... born in the South but of exact "parts-unknown"... and not even exact birth-dates or certificates. Were they neighbors, classmates, siblings, lovers, or perhaps even the same person??

What IS known for sure is that they seemed to have lived their entire and fairly short lives within a 23 mile radius of their childhoods and final... ahem... "demises". They both, coincidentally, had careers in custodial and housekeeping service, and never progressed past the 7th grade. They never attended any professional academy or training facility, nor did they serve their country in the military or in civil service. Neither of them was apparently married or had children, or even had relatives to be concerned when they were deceased.

As to another theory of who they were; in the South, the tradition in vaudeville and showboat minstrelsy included "gender comedy" with performers donning costumes and characterizations of the opposite sex. Perhaps these "two persons", both known for extreme eccentricity and borderline anti-social and even criminal activity, may have fallen on hard times and been driven to unfortunate fates in the backwaters of the South. According to authorities and what few public and official records we have, they both came to fairly terrible ends which were verified by witnesses and local (though rural!) coroners. Yes, bodies were buried in marked graves, although both bodies were seriously disfigured, beyond absolute recognition as was recorded, though their identities were surmised and seemingly irrefutable. But.... were they actually Cruther and Jessup?... or bodies substituted in some bizarre conspiracy?... and what did the pair of bright red girl's tap shoes and a small bottle of so-called "smelling salts" have to do with anything?? Are Cruther and Jessup perhaps one-and-the-same?... and is he, or she, still wandering the country, looking for work... and possible mayhem!

So! We leave it up to you dear readers! Velma Cruther and Leroy Jessup; Separated at birth?... or THE SAME PERSON?!?!?... you decide!

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Sybil Bruncheon's 31 Days of Halloween Horror & Hilarity!... another Sybil’s “Who’z Dat?” Quiz…

Can you figure out who the screamers are in Mummie's collage? Answers are posted with each face…

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY in OCTOBER!... another Sybil's "Who'z Dat?" Quiz…

Can you figure out who the Birthday Celebrities are in Mummie's collage? Answers are posted below…

(Clockwise from top left: Leo G. Carroll, Alan Dinehart, Sara Allgood, Jack Carson, James Whitmore, John Hoyt, Spanky McFarland, Elsa Lanchester, Ruth Gordon, Ruth Hussey, and Una O’Connor)

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY in OCTOBER!... another Sybil's "Who'z Dat?" Quiz…

Can you figure out who the Birthday Celebrities are in Mummie's collage? Answers are posted below…

(Clockwise from top left: Lloyd Corrigan, Jerome Cowan, Douglas Dumbrille, Jane Darwell, Juanita Moore, Marsha Hunt, Sig Ruman, Spring Byington, and Miriam Hopkins)

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Sybil Bruncheon's 31 Days of Halloween... Zelda reinvents herself...

Zelda Plotnitz was one of those sweet girls who daydreamed all through childhood of handsome princes, fairytale castles, dragons, ogres, wicked witches, magic potions, and of finally being recognized as a beautiful princess! But her life through grade school, high school, and the cosmetology academy was mundane at best. She was proficient enough at skin-sciences, at facials and masques, at make-up application, and she went on to study hair extensively, both cutting and coloring, and at the deeply complex arts of perming and straightening. Her finger waves and marcelles merited her an A++. But still she longed for something more than the twittering gossip of a beauty salon on a Friday night with its dead coffee cups and the extinguished, lipstick stained cigarette butts drowning in them.

So when the Halloween Ball was announced at the local Masonic Temple and Veterans Hall, she was thrilled! She would create something as a costume that would dazzle and amaze; and not some princess or fairy tale creature. She would truly electrify all of her friends and any single young men who might be there. Her hair and make-up would be just right of course, but her costume! HER COSTUME!... she thought at first of being a shooting star... or perhaps the planet Saturn. Or maybe she should be the Lady in the Moon... and then just eight nights before the ball, a huge thunderstorm hit the town, and Zelda got her idea. Zelda Plotnitz, daughter of Abner and Ethel Plotnitz in Aberdeen, South Dakota would come to the ball as “ZAPRINA The Dazzling!”

Zelda asked Jim-Bob at the local gas station to help weld together scrap metal pieces for her ensemble based on her rather good sketches. Her bodice was made from silver sequined lamé that she found in a remainder bin at the local ladies' notions store. And she had Jim-Bob's uncle Ned wire the whole thing to a dry cell battery that she could conceal in a back pocket behind one of her lightning bolts.

And it worked! IT ALL WORKED! PERFECTLY!... and Zelda, or rather ZAPRINA THE DAZZLING was going to the ball. She arrived just 20 minutes after it started to make sure that everyone else was already there (Aberdeen folks are notoriously punctual and don't know the meaning of "fashionably late"!). She was announced by the nice man on the microphone as she stepped onto the unrolled red carpet that Havenmetyer's Furniture and Furnishings had loaned the Masons to give the night some swank! And the minute that all her friends heard her name, ZAPRINA THE DAZZLING, and recognized that it was indeed their Zelda, they ran up to her screaming, laughing, jumping up and down, and cheering! She really WAS the most glamorous at the ball...

... sadly, Zelda stumbled backwards into the huge punch bowl. She and three of the girls on the refreshments committee were instantly electrocuted, and the ballroom incinerated when the 130 proof rum exploded...

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Sybil's "31 Days of Halloween"… Breaking News!

BREAKING NEWS from the CNN news desk!...

In the ongoing controversy and criticism in the Kavanaugh hearings, new photographs have been uncovered which may be of interest to both the Republican and Democrat members of the committee. Photos of Brett Kavanaugh trick-or-treating door-to-door in his neighborhood have been released and leaked to the press.

These photos would be innocent enough except that they are of him at 22 years of age... and they were taken on Christmas Eve... Santa or SATAN? You decide! Details at 6. Exorcisms at 11.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "31 Days of Halloween"... Gwinnie, the "Bat Lady".

Gwinnie Garamonde grew up in a nice neighborhood among very charming people with perfect little homes and yards. All their children were polite, their dinnertimes were punctual and pleasant, and their lives were uncomplicated and without complaint. How strange then, when little Gwinnie at age 8 took an umbrella, cut it free of its metal frame with a hunting knife she'd found down by the riverbank, and fashioned herself a pair of "wings... you know, like a bat!", she told the grown-ups at school. Of course, there was nothing particularly disturbing, dangerous, or illegal in what she was doing, although it was agreed on by all the adults present that a little girl with broken umbrella bat-wings was NOT especially "pleasant".

As she grew up, her family kept her from the public eye more and more. She was not what everyone in the neighborhood or indeed the entire town considered "nice", NOT because of her manners or conduct which were impeccable, but because genteel ladies weren't supposed to even talk about bats, dress like them, or aspire to be one! Gwinnie continued growing and creating ever larger sets of wings for herself, using more and more elaborate materials and designs. Her workmanship and finishing details were admired greatly by local seamstresses who would secretly hire her for fine detail work on wedding dresses and elegant bridal trousseaus. It all made her fairly wealthy, though still not accepted by "polite society"... Gwinnie often chuckled to think that so many of them would be shocked to know that their society weddings were dressed in so much of her beautiful work.

Things in nice neighborhoods among very charming people with perfect little homes and yards often continue on day to day, year to year with no complications. And Gwinnie's eccentric life fit right into the rhythm of their routine smoothly... if not embraced completely. Really, as the years went by, she would have been quite popular and welcomed into the bustle of the town especially by the young brides and appreciative families celebrating upcoming weddings, except... that she continued to eat bugs and small reptiles... usually at ice cream sociables and church picnics... WITH HER HANDS!

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Sybil's "31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN!"... "You're on Miss Miller!"...

Ann Miller was thrilled to be asked for the MGM Halloween photo-shoot, and she didn't mind being asked to climb up on the pumpkin, and to even... um... "sit down on the stem for greater stability". It was when the photographer handed her a jar of Noxzema that she lost her temper....

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Sybil Bruncheon's "What’z It?"...

Which of the following statements is the correct one for the item in the photo?

a) A Roman hood ornament from a chariot used in the Thracian Triple Crown, circa 44 BC.

b) A fragment of an enormous wedding cake instantly fossilized when Mt. Vesuvius erupted and wiped out the high-society wedding of Ludmilla Drusilla Quinto to Horace Scrotus... in Pompeii, 79 AD.

c) A naughty urinal from the royal palace of Caligula on the island of Capri. The deranged emperor was known for his perverse sense of humor and for declaring himself a god... the God of Bathroom Fittings and Indoor Plumbing.

d) A plaster study for a construction worker's head done by the very young (and gay!) Michelangelo in his first art class (1486). It was this piece which got him declared a budding prodigy among the great artists in Europe, and many dates with various sailors down by the docks in Venice. He was twelve at the time.

e) The new scented candle from Glade Air Fresheners. It burns for 24 hours and contains notes of spruce, musk, cinnamon, gravy, and jock strap. It's named "Dinty Moore".

f) Donald Trump falling face first into freshly poured cement on 5th Avenue.

g) All of the above.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Current Events QUIZ!"...

Which of the following headlines, opening lines, stories, and news sources goes with this photo?

a) The American President Addressed Foreign Dignitaries From The Great Poultry Producing Nations of the World. They cackled at his claim to have "the moistest and tenderest breasts of any president ever!". (from the Iowa G'Morning Standard)

b) CBS Headquarters Attacked By An Enraged Jim Gaffigan… who claims to have lost his job on CBS’s SUNDAY MORNING due to excessive corniness in his pun-riddled monologues. (NBC's TODAY Show with Hoda Howdie Ho)

c) The Lincoln Tunnel Suddenly became a giant sinkhole as Hurricane Jaime-Maria-Santa-Loquasta-Jesus-Bañana barreled into midtown NYC. 210 Dead. 4 injured. 17 late for work. (The Weather Channel with Jim Cantore... if we can find him a box of Kleenex)

d) In yet another sequel in the unending GODZILLA franchise, the iconic monster has returned from Malibu as a bleach blond and eaten Jane Russell on an ocean voyage. Still famished from the poor restaurant service and menu, he finishes off twenty-three shirtless hunks on the Olympic Mens' Interpretive Dance Team. Set in 1959, there's lots of perky musical song and dance numbers including "I'm A Seoul Survivor", "They Call Me MISTER Bigly", and "Orange You Glad To See Me?"... directed by Joshua Logan (hence all the “shirtless hunks”) - Variety

e) Delicious Low-Carb, Low-Fat, and Gluteus-Free, Free-Range foods that you can raise in your own garage or basement that will feed the family... or feed ON IT. It may take a village to raise a child, but it only takes ONE of these to eat one! Six scrumptio-licious pages with police photos of tonight's dinner! YUM! (Bon Appétit Magazine - the July issue)

f) I Am The Genetically Engineered Love-Child of Frank Perdue and Colonel Sanders (The National Enquirer)

g) Today in the news, Martha Stewart was returned to womens' prison for her unauthorized or acknowledged use of Parkay in a brownie recipe she plagiarized from Julia Child's best selling dessert book "These Are A Dead Women's Treats", published post mortem. (Food Network)

h) Can you find the fire truck, the beach ball, the billy goat, the cocker spaniel, and the banana, and the lady with the axe?

i) All of the above

Answers on page 63. (Highlights Magazine)

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