Sybil's "12 Young People And WHY THEY WON'T VOTE!"...

Won't VOTE.jpg

Dear Readers, Over the last several months, I have been widely traveling the country and meeting Americans from all walks of life; different regions, economic classes, educational backgrounds, ethnicities, creeds, religions, sexual orientations, gender identities, and hobby-pursuits. And I have been amazed!... on so many levels. With the election only a short time away, here is a sampling of young people who have decided that they will NOT vote... and why.

1) Melissa Gurnstin / 25/ Mistery, Iowa: "I have a strawberry birthmark on my left ankle which is shaped like the state of Maine... but upside down... and flipped over to the left. Anyway, Senator Susan Collins reminds me of my grandma with her like shaking-thing, ya know? And like, I couldn't vote against my own grandma, could I? Of course, we live in New Mexico which is on the other side of the country, so I guess it doesn't make a difference anyway... but then why should I vote at all, right? I mean. Oh wait. New Mexico IS on the other side of the country, right? And there IS a state called Maine, isn't there?"

2) Carl Joseph Calt / 21/ Ft. Poot, Indiana: "I'm a really cool dude on my college campus where I study air conditioner repair and dog grooming. The chicks all really like me, and voting is so gay. I don't want some hot chick to think I’m gay... even though I'm not... gay."

3) Pete Hankston / 23/ Nassus, Idaho: “I campaigned in the last election really hard for Hillary Clinton. I walked around neighborhoods, shouting through a rolled up newspaper like a foghorn saying VOTE FOR HILLARY! SHE’S YOUR MAN BECAUSE SHE WEARS PANTS LIKE A MAN!... then I got beat up. I got beat up by Clinton folks because they thought I was campaigning for Trump. And I got beat up by Trumpsters because they thought I was making people laugh at them. I got so confused, I forgot who I was supposed to be for. I went to bed for a week… and I really had cool dreams. I want to do that again this time. I like to sleep and have really cool dreams. Mostly about fish sticks.”

4) Glucinda Funbrathy / 26/ Camp Sitzbath, Missouri: “I mean… like what’s the big deal. One vote. Who cares? Now if I could cast twenty votes..or a hundred, right? But that’s illegal-like… or isn’t it? I want to be a lawyer when I grow up… maybe at a petting zoo.”

5) Seth Cruldour / 23/ Faithville, Pennylvania: “I’m a political science major at the Apex Academy of Household Appliance Sciences. And I am also a moderate-independent-transfigural-intrasigent. Our political club espouses a complete refusal to engage with a petroleum-based economy and the resultant greenhouse gases. That was our platform, and then my best bud, Jim-Joe Luntfer said we all had gas after last night’s Burrito ‘n’ Beer fundraiser, and we like all broke up! WE ALL HAD GAS! Dude! WE ALL HAD GAS!! Leave it to the Jim-Ster to cut right to the heart of the matter, right?”

6) Miriam Monckton / 24/ Serial City, Wyoming: “I don’t think either of the parties represents me about anything I think about… like, first of all. I don’t like zoos, so why is there a donkey and a elephant? I grew up on a ranch. Donkeys are stupid and too hard to get to work, and I didn’t see a elephant till I was six or something and saw one on a cartoon… and I asked my Mom why that mouse was so big… and had a nose that looked like our vacuum cleaner. Why would I vote for THAT?”

7) Franklin Somerset / 22/ Hope Falls, Tennessee: “ I move around a lot, and I’m never in the same place for more than a day or so… well, actually, I live in my car!… well, it’s not really a car. It’s my grandpa’s old pick-up truck that I built a log cabin on in the back. It’s got a working stove and chimney, and all the stuff you need to stay warm when it gets cold. I hook it up to water with a garden hose, and a big extension cable gives me electricity for the hotplate, tv, and toaster. And I can always run into my parent’s house to take a leak and wash up. I know I said I move around a lot, and I’m never in the same place for more than a day or so… because I park my truck-cabin in different parts of our backyard. Sometimes, by the swing-set. Sometimes, behind the garage. Sometimes, by my old sand box. I don’t know how the voter-folks would figure out what my home-address is.”

8) Brynne Thokaw / 28/ Colonel Pinkton, Alabama: “I hated spending time going and registering to vote. Then I found out you could do it online. I hated the idea of waiting in line to vote, then I found out you could mail it in. I hated the idea of having to get stamps, and go to a mailbox… whatever THAT is. Why can’t they just make voting something you can do at IHOP with a waitress?... when you order your pancakes with the chocolate chips and Nutella frosting? It’s too hard.”

9) Sammy Capriot / 21/ Doogin’s Bluff, Wisconsin: “My whole family gets into fights at the dinner table over all the issues; Should we plant corn or wheat? Should we like people who talk funny or not? Are there people on other planets? Should we be nice to Stevie Schmidt down the street who dresses like a girl and says HI, MISS GIRL to my dad? My mother hates the color orange and says that she could never stand beside the president because it would make her freckles show. My dad says that he heard that Hillary was a man from my cousin Pete Hankston in Idaho. I don’t know who to vote for, but that’s okay. None of my family votes either. I have 14 brothers and sisters.”

10) Dekins Make / 22/ Vera Cazuz, Arizona: “I have a tendency to break machines and to get hurt by them. I don’t know why, but they seem to hate me. I would get my pants caught in the gears of my bike and crash, or run over rocks and bricks and even a wagon with our lawnmower, and you know what can happen then. And Mrs. Staley from next door was a really nice lady too. Anyway, anytime that I get near a machine, something bad happens. I might pinch my fingers in the lever-things that have the names… like the Hostess Twinkie lever that tried to cut off my thumb when I went to get an extra Twinkie after the two Ding-Dongs. I don’t want to be scared again… especially if I’m not even getting a Twinkie out of it. What’s the point of voting?”

11) Greg Malfeans / 25/ Simpkin, South Dakota: “People are always yelling about voting and who’s the best. But who’s to say who’s the best? Only sports class shows you who’s the best. Starting in kindergarten, you can see who’s fastest, strongest, or the best person at pushing other kids down and grabbing the ball. Voting’s not like that. And I haven’t been all around the world. How am I supposed to know for sure that it even IS round? Answer me that! I mean.”

12) Becky Ann Smythe / 24/ Firewin, Ohio: “I’m a stay-at-home daughter. Everything I know comes from the TV. Here’s my point; Bill Clinton or Hillary Clinton? Donald Trump or Three-No-Trump? Bernie Sanders or Colonel Sanders? George Bush I or George Bush II? Right? Everything is relative. No one is perfect. Everyone is right and wrong. All things are shades of grey…like that chick-flick says. Sit back and have a brew… and watch the Real Housewives. Sh*t, that Bethany’s a pisser, isn’t she?”

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil Bruncheon's "Separated At Birth?... or THE SAME PERSON?!?!?"...

Velma and Leroy Collage (199B) 2.jpg

The strange case of Velma Cruther and Leroy Jessup... born in the South but of exact "parts-unknown"... and not even exact birth-dates or certificates. Were they neighbors, classmates, siblings, lovers, or perhaps even the same person??

What IS known for sure is that they seemed to have lived their entire and fairly short lives within a 23 mile radius of their childhoods and final... ahem... "demises". They both, coincidentally, had careers in custodial and housekeeping service, and never progressed past the 7th grade. They never attended any professional academy or training facility, nor did they serve their country in the military or in civil service. Neither of them was apparently married or had children, or even had relatives to be concerned when they were deceased.

As to another theory of who they were; in the South, the tradition in vaudeville and showboat minstrelsy included "gender comedy" with performers donning costumes and characterizations of the opposite sex. Perhaps these "two persons", both known for extreme eccentricity and borderline anti-social and even criminal activity, may have fallen on hard times and been driven to unfortunate fates in the backwaters of the South. According to authorities and what few public and official records we have, they both came to fairly terrible ends which were verified by witnesses and local (though rural!) coroners. Yes, bodies were buried in marked graves, although both bodies were seriously disfigured, beyond absolute recognition as was recorded, though their identities were surmised and seemingly irrefutable. But.... were they actually Cruther and Jessup?... or bodies substituted in some bizarre conspiracy?... and what did the pair of bright red girl's tap shoes and a small bottle of so-called "smelling salts" have to do with anything?? Are Cruther and Jessup perhaps one-and-the-same?... and is he, or she, still wandering the country, looking for work... and possible mayhem!

So! We leave it up to you dear readers! Velma Cruther and Leroy Jessup; Separated at birth?... or THE SAME PERSON?!?!?... you decide!

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil's 31 Days of Halloween Horror & Hilarity!... another Sybil’s “Who’z Dat?” Quiz…

Halloween SCREAM with NAMES (699) (657).jpg

Can you figure out who the screamers are in Mummie's collage? Answers are posted with each face…

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]


HAPPY BIRTHDAY in OCTOBER!... another Sybil's "Who'z Dat?" Quiz…

October Birthday Collage and NAMES #2.jpg

Can you figure out who the Birthday Celebrities are in Mummie's collage? Answers are posted with each face…

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY in OCTOBER!... another Sybil's "Who'z Dat?" Quiz…

OCTOBER Birthday collage with NAMES Collage.jpg

Can you figure out who the Birthday Celebrities are in Mummie's collage? Answers are posted with each face…

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!

Sybil's "31 Days of Halloween"... Zelda reinvents herself...

Halloween Lightning Zapprina.jpg

Zelda Plotnitz was one of those sweet girls who daydreamed all through childhood of handsome princes, fairytale castles, dragons, ogres, wicked witches, magic potions, and of finally being recognized as a beautiful princess! But her life through grade school, high school, and the cosmetology academy was mundane at best. She was proficient enough at skin-sciences, at facials and masques, at make-up application, and she went on to study hair extensively, both cutting and coloring, and at the deeply complex arts of perming and straightening. Her finger waves and marcelles merited her an A++. But still she longed for something more than the twittering gossip of a beauty salon on a Friday night with its dead coffee cups and the extinguished, lipstick stained cigarette butts drowning in them.

So when the Halloween Ball was announced at the local Masonic Temple and Veterans Hall, she was thrilled! She would create something as a costume that would dazzle and amaze; and not some princess or fairy tale creature. She would truly electrify all of her friends and any single young men who might be there. Her hair and make-up would be just right of course, but her costume! HER COSTUME!... she thought at first of being a shooting star... or perhaps the planet Saturn. Or maybe she should be the Lady in the Moon... and then just eight nights before the ball, a huge thunderstorm hit the town, and Zelda got her idea. Zelda Plotnitz, daughter of Abner and Ethel Plotnitz in Aberdeen, South Dakota would come to the ball as ZAPRINA The Dazzling! Zelda asked Jim-Bob at the local gas station to help weld together scrap metal pieces for her ensemble based on her rather good sketches. Her bodice was made from silver sequined lamé that she found in a remainder bin at the local ladies' notions store. And she had Jim-Bob's uncle Ned wire the whole thing to a dry cell battery that she could conceal in a back pocket behind one of her lightning bolts.

And it worked! IT ALL WORKED! PERFECTLY!... and Zelda, or rather ZAPRINA THE DAZZLING was going to the ball. She arrived just 20 minutes after it started to make sure that everyone else was already there (Aberdeen folks are notoriously punctual and don't know the meaning of "fashionably late"!). She was announced by the nice man on the microphone as she stepped onto the unrolled red carpet that Havenmetyer's Furniture and Furnishings had loaned the Masons to give the night some swank! And the minute that all her friends heard her name, ZAPRINA THE DAZZLING, and recognized that it was indeed their Zelda, they ran up to her screaming, laughing, jumping up and down, and cheering! She really WAS the most glamorous at the ball...

... sadly, Zelda stumbled backwards into the huge punch bowl. She and three of the girls were instantly electrocuted, and the ballroom incinerated when the 130 proof rum exploded...

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil's "31 Days of Halloween"… Breaking News!

Halloween Kavanaugh.JPG

BREAKING NEWS from the CNN news desk!...

In the ongoing controversy and criticism in the Kavanaugh hearings, new photographs have been uncovered which may be of interest to both the Republican and Democrat members of the committee. Photos of Brett Kavanaugh trick-or-treating door-to-door in his neighborhood have been released and leaked to the press.

These photos would be innocent enough except that they are of him at 22 years of age... and they were taken on Christmas Eve... Santa or SATAN? You decide! Details at 6. Exorcisms at 11.

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil's "31 Days of Halloween"... Gwinnie, the "Bat Lady".

Halloween Bat Lady.jpg

Gwinnie Garamonde grew up in a nice neighborhood among very charming people with perfect little homes and yards. All their children were polite, their dinnertimes were punctual and pleasant, and their lives were uncomplicated and without complaint. How strange then, when little Gwinnie at age 8 took an umbrella, cut it free of its metal frame with a hunting knife she'd found down by the riverbank, and fashioned herself a pair of "wings... you know, like a bat!", she told the grown-ups at school. Of course, there was nothing particularly disturbing, dangerous, or illegal in what she was doing, although it was agreed on by all the adults present that a little girl with broken umbrella bat-wings was NOT especially "pleasant".

As she grew up, her family kept her from the public eye more and more. She was not what everyone in the neighborhood or indeed the entire town considered "nice", NOT because of her manners or conduct which were impeccable, but because genteel ladies weren't supposed to even talk about bats, dress like them, or aspire to be one! Gwinnie continued growing and creating ever larger sets of wings for herself, using more and more elaborate materials and designs. Her workmanship and finishing details were admired greatly by local seamstresses who would secretly hire her for fine detail work on wedding dresses and elegant bridal trousseaus. It all made her fairly wealthy, though still not accepted by "polite society"... Gwinnie often chuckled to think that so many of them would be shocked to know that their society weddings were dressed in so much of her beautiful work.

Things in nice neighborhoods among very charming people with perfect little homes and yards often continue on day to day, year to year with no complications. And Gwinnie's eccentric life fit right into the rhythm of their routine smoothly... if not embraced completely. Really, as the years went by, she would have been quite popular and welcomed into the bustle of the town especially by the young brides and appreciative families celebrating upcoming weddings, except... that she continued to eat bugs and small reptiles... usually at ice cream sociables and church picnics... WITH HER HANDS!

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil's "31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN!"... "You're on Miss Miller!"...


Ann Miller was thrilled to be asked for the MGM Halloween photo-shoot, and she didn't mind being asked to climb up on the pumpkin, and to even... um... "sit down on the stem for greater stability". It was when the photographer handed her a jar of Noxzema that she lost her temper....

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]