Sybil Bruncheon's "EASTER EGGS-traordinaries"... A heartfelt prayer at our Holy Time:
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"Oh, Lamb of Sweet Disposition, protecteth us from the wiles of the Great Trickster! ...he that farteth near our simple meals, and replaceth wholesome beans which we have dug from the ground with our prayerful hands with shrew turds and skittle beetles. Just this past Sabbath Day, our loving children opened their few candies bartered from the local Duane Reade Apothecary Shoppe on the corner of Jersey Cow Path and Goody Proctor Blvd. My own daughter, Charity Hope Polite-tress (she is 8 years of age and can already recite Revelations backwards in a convincing baritone!), unwrapped a 6 month old candy saved from thy Birthday only to find that the chocolate treat inside bore a striking resemblance to the Cruel Prankster whose name may not be mentioned in virtuous circles and who likes to make bad faces with his rear-end at our quilting-bees. My dearest childe shrieked in horror and threatened it with her home made cross that she had fashioned from twigs and her own yanked-out hair. The villagers gathered with other infernal candies that the other sweetlings had found in their own huts and lean-tos. We now know that the so-called "tin foil" is the Devil's work because of its similarity to mirrors which have been strictly prohibited by our elders as encouraging the twin sins of Vanity and Washing. And the painting of the foil is clearly a tribute to the Whore of Babylon and her temptations of our innocent young men to the sin of self-touching! Some of our young have also put the hated tin foil in their mouths and noticed that the Fiendish One pricks their gums with lightning flashes and bad tastes....And so, we asketh humbly that you, Kindly Shepherd, protect your lambs from grotesque pranks like these, and also from cavities in our remaining teeth... Thanking Thee in advance, I remain your devoted servant here in the Little Church Of Perpetual Consternation, Reverend Piety Sawyer.”
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