DATELINE HOLLYWOOD - 1953 / Like Father, Like Daughter...

Dateline Hollywood - 1953: Thursday last, a Miss Felicity Woodsman was apprehended by local police for vagrancy, pick pocketing, and precious metal fencing. While in custody at the women's house of detention, she claimed that she was the daughter of a famous celebrity, the late Abner Woodsman of Oz who only last year was fatally injured in a smelter during a scrap metal drive. A prison matron mocked her claims, and, driven to violent outbursts and attacks on her jailers, Miss Woodsman was turned over to medical authorities who prescribed electro-convulsive therapy to ease her delusions. It was at that exact moment with the apparatus attached to her head that the resemblance to her father was spotted. Joyous amazement and cries of recognition filled the ward as medical personnel poured into the room!!....Sadly, someone tripped over a wire, bumped a switch, and the Baum Brand Braniac Bombarder was triggered. By the time someone pulled the extension cord out of the socket behind the ice machine, Miss Woodsman was completely unconscious. She remained in a semi-coma for ten days....but when she awoke she miraculously was able to sing the complete works of Irving Berlin and Harold Arlen.... Conversely, she developed an irrational fear of bicycles, small dogs, and water. She went on to live on a strict diet of crullers...and died of incendiary hay fever at the age of 47.

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