Friends, (and I use that term loosely!), do you suffer from rough, red, dry hands? Do daily household chores, washing dishes, cold weather, or running heavy machinery at demolition sites make your hands a fright? Well, the folks at The Heaven-Sent-Hands Institute may be able to help! Working with the scientists and astronauts at NASA in the space program, they have discovered that chapped skin and unhappy housewives are not confined to just our planet Earth! NO! Cosmetologists and Cosmologists are now teaming up together to find out how ladies (even gargantuan ones on other worlds!) are fighting the effects of hot water, harsh detergents, late-night gamma rays, and even asteroid impacts. Would you like to learn their secrets? Now you can! Just pick up your phone and call C-R-A-C-K C-L-A-W-S. That’s right, just dial 272-252-5297. The nice man will tell you how to order! And the convenient 3000 gallon drum of moisturizer will be airlifted to an open field near you! Think of it! In just a week, you’ll be able to look up at the stars, and know that your hands are just as lovely, smooth, and inviting to your husband as some 900’ woman’s in a distant galaxy!! Get out your telescope, and WAVE!!!
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