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The heartbreak of alcohol abuse in the modern pet household!!... Good morning, Friends!... (and I use that term loosely). Please ask yourself, and be brutally frank. Does your pet drink privately when you're at work?? ....Have you ever seen your Burmese casually brush things off kitchen counters while staring at you....or pretend to read the newspaper, and then eat it?...Does he or she hide stashes of catnip or old smelly socks under sofas, in cardboard boxes, or buried in houseplants? ....Does your four-legged friend cry inconsolably during broadcasts of the Westminster Kennel Club show.... or old Nine Lives commercials?? ....Does your tabby disguise himself as Morris the Cat and run up gambling debts, often with unsavory syndicate types? Has your chihuahua started wearing heavy perfumes or colognes to cover the smell of cheap booze on her breath?....Does your Collie secretly entertain OTHER pets in your home when you're away at work or on vacation, while claiming he’s actually Lassie?......Have you found livestock-nudey magazines, cassette tapes involving barnyard sounds, or OTHER pets' collars in YOUR home… with lip stick on them???.....These are all warning signs of the lonely downward spiral of pet-substance-abuse.....

Don't let shame keep YOU from helping your loved one!!!! Act now!!!!!! Dial PUSSY DRUNK!...that's right! P-U-S-S-Y D-R-U-N-K! Yes, go right to the telephone and dial 787-793-7865. The nice man will tell you how to order an intervention NOW!...and he'll even bring the leash... and a MUZZLE if necessary! Let your new command for this New Year be "HEEL!...and HEAL!" We thank you.

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