Sybil Bruncheon's "New Opportunities in the NEW YEAR!"....

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Friends!! Do you want to earn more money?... Sure! We all do! 

What if we told you that a whole new world of adventure, opportunity, and interesting people is waiting for you IF you're willing to make just one phone call to our switchboard TODAY!...Yes, you too can join all sorts of ladies and gentlemen in the wonderful career of opening your own BACKYARD MENTAL HOSPITAL!! Take a close look at the smiling faces of these happy proprietors who started their own home-made institution for the insane with just a small down payment, a few classes for certification, an abandoned building with a fairly good roof, and fifty cans of baked beans. And imagine the relief of your friends and neighbors who've longed for a place to send quarrelsome Aunt Lily, Cousin Fred the Stealer, Old Mrs. Cranston who smells of urine… and vanilla extract, or perhaps even your own mother?!?… I DID!  

And think of all the fascinating people you’ll meet at your own Backyard Mental Hospital conventions too! With no tiresome lectures and seminars from actual medical people or boring old scientists and researchers! Just maybe some cute nurses! YES! Three-day weekends with cool couples who’ve also opened their own looney-bins, and maybe have even started franchises. Talk about opportunities! Wouldn't it be nice to pull in some extra cash in your spare time? Well now you can! Just call our switchboard right now for your own certification kit, directions on making jumbo portions of cafeteria food, blueprints for your own personal padded cell, and a list of bulk wholesalers for toilet paper, laundry soap, adult diapers, bandages, and Thorazine. Did you know you can create your own electro-shock set-up from an old toaster and some frayed extension cords? Did you know you can make  a whirlpool bath from a child’s inflatable pool and an electric fan? Did you know that eleven oven mitts can be re-sewn into a fairly effective strait jacket? Well, you do now!

 Just pick up the phone and dial K-O-O-K-Y-D-O-U-G-H..... That's right, dial 566-593-6844. The nice man will tell you how to order!

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