BREAKING NEWS!... from the CNN news desk: A funeral... and a "funeral"...

Trump's funeral.jpg

September 1, 2018...
It was revealed today that while all of Washington and the nation have been focused on the funeral of Senator John McCain, president Trump had been feeling increasingly isolated and neglected. According to servants in the White House, Mr. Trump assembled his own funeral in the butler's pantry off the grand ballroom, complete with "guests" which he referred to as "foreign dignitaries, fancy people with big houses, and ...you know, other stuff."

One of the upstairs butlers reported that the president required each of the servants and kitchen staff to "speak" for a corresponding funeral guest, but that after four hours, Trump himself took on the task of eulogizing himself in a myriad of strange voices and indecipherable accents. At about 3am, the last of the staff quietly retired to bed after the president fell asleep in a pile of his "mourners'. They will be returned in the morning to the Smithsonian Museum's "Ventriloquism & Vaudeville Wing"... presumably by limousine. Details at 6. Edison cylinder recordings at 11.

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