…that ended up on “the cutting room floor”:

1) Kiki and Cherry-Mae Harrington, sisters of Eve Harrington, who had NO talent for acting but were quite successful at arson and Ponzi schemes. Eventually, after all three served prison terms, they returned to Milwaukee and resumed their lives as the Slescynski triplets in a brewery. Margo Channing had Eve's Equity card and Sarah Siddon's award revoked.

2) Bone-Spur and Mildew, two of the more unpleasant fairies in A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM who pelted Puck with cow-pies in the opening scenes in the woods and gave all four of the young lovers crabs and the clap.

3) Sharon and Cornelia, sisters to Jamie and Eugene in A LONG DAY’S JOURNEY INTO NIGHT. Neither drunks nor suffering from tuberculosis, they were nevertheless pretentious social climbers and party-girls who would come to New York City and boo their father’s performances onstage from the back of the balcony and then score drugs for their mother in the alley behind the Shubert Theatre.

4) Hidee-oshi and Moo Goo, two evil river demons who try to poke out the eyes of Ariel, THE LITTLE MERMAID. The Disney company loved the two villains but decided to use them instead in a horror sequel called ZOMBIE APO-CALYPSO!... a musical set in Haiti during a weekend of rough sex, piña coladas, earthquakes, hurricanes, and of course, the undead. Rated XXX.

5) Chew-Sette and Dorothy Vader: the long-suffering wives of a Wookie and the “Baddest Bongo-Man In The Universe”. It was bought as a pilot for a sit-com spin-off of the old I LOVE LUCY show, about their misadventures selling intergalactic salad dressing and wrapping chocolate covered sventroo eyeballs in a candy factory on Tatooine.

6) Franchina and Cosetta, two little witches with hormone problems who age prematurely at Hogwarts, and are forced out of Slytherin and into a special “Potions and Puberty” program with Snape. In the third film, he accidentally turned them into a two-headed boy and a goat, respectively. They remained close friends, but sadly, Franchina rode Cosetta off a cliff in the Half-Blood Prince.

7) Biff Lustica and Mort Kunch: two of the less convincing Cagelles in LA CAGE AUX FOLLES. Not particularly pretty, girlish, svelte, or even with any sense of rhythm, they are finally excused from the chorus, and take up careers backstage as the accountant and the truck driver for the scenery.

8) Mrs. Oaf and The Ghouless: two characters in Hans Christian Andersen fairy tales. Andersen continued to try to fit the two women into several of his stories as sadistic headmistresses, evil queens, angry ghosts, vengeful sorceresses, and finally cannibals… or shoplifters, but gave up and handed the two off to the Brothers Grimm who decided they were too evil even for the wicked stepsisters in Cinderella. Mrs. Oaf may have ended up being the model for the troll under the bridge for THE THREE BILLY GOATS GRUFF, and the Ghouless was slated to be Casper the Friendly Ghost’s mother who smothered him with a pillow at the age of 6.

9) Frances Unger and Blanche Madison: wives of Felix and Oscar in THE ODD COUPLE, who, once their husbands are out of their homes, console each other and even celebrate their new found liberation. As the two men unravel, the wives find that they are drawn together and become lovers. Only when it appears that Felix and later Oscar may try to rekindle their heterosexual marriages to their ex-wives do the ladies finally kill and dismember the men, serving them as cat food at a rescue shelter for LGBTQ pets.

10) Wilburine and Orvillette Gulch: sisters to Almira Gulch, local society doyenne in Dustville, Kansas. The three sisters owned most of the county through their father’s invention of the Dust-Bowl Buster, a circular broom with a propeller and a crank. After Almira’s untimely death in a freak tornado/bucket accident, Wilburine and Orvillette attached their Dust-Bowl Buster to a bicycle built for two, and invented the first Crop-Duster.

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