Sybil Bruncheon's "My Merry Memoirs!"... Chapter 17, page 812... Round and round...

At the World’s Fair in 1965, I was a demo-model in the Kitchen-Of-Tomorrow exhibit for Amana!!! I stood on a giant turntable and walked through a 21st century kitchen displaying all the new appliances and gadgets while throngs of people came up for the shows. Each demonstration lasted 18 minutes exactly before I started again at the Plutonium Toaster, the Cry-O-No-More Freezer, the Singing Dishwasher, and the Cutting Board / TV where you slice and dice vegetables right on the faces of the news-casters....or Lucy Ricardo and Ralph Cramden!!! “HA HA!”…

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Sybil Bruncheon's "My Merry Memoirs"... chapter 82, page 402...

Some of you have noticed in my Tour-ettes when I'm cooking that I have on special oven mitts; strangely shaped and... uh... a little oversized. Sadly, Mummie was born with... um... a slight... "anomaly". Why do you think she spent so many years in the county fair circuit in tents marked "The Incredible Lobster Lady"? I was hired to pinch oblong vegetables in half for delighted audiences, every half-hour for 18 shows a day, including question-and-answer and autograph/photo sessions, in a coconut brassiere and grass skirt. Eventually though, the novelty wore off and people were no longe willing to pay 25 cents to see my "talent". I had to escalate the gimmick to pinching ten-penny nails, kindling wood, and finally teen-age girls' diaries, local telephone books, and railroad spikes. It was exhausting, and, in the end, surgery was required to rebuild my hands. I still have some scars if one wants to look closely!... and you wonder why I often wear stylish gloves for my show-lettes!

Tour-ette: https://youtu.be/lRm6XJouoeI

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Sybil Bruncheon's "My Merry Memoirs"... Chapter 31, page 372... Cousin Patrice...

Did I ever tell you about my lovely cousin Patrice de Laminoir? She was as beautiful as she was clever, and her radiant wit, grace, and ebullience assured her of admirers, both men and women, throughout her life, despite her unfortunate accident. You see, she lost her left leg in an unlucky kitchen catastrophe involving a runaway cake mixer and a nutmeg grater, and... oh, it's too horrible to recount here, but suffice it to say that even though she was as one-leggéd as any pirate in a boy scout adventure comic, she lived her life to the fullest. And she was determined not to let her missing leg nor the elaborately carved mahogany wooden one hold her back... as a matter of fact, she tossed her prosthesis, and had all of her right shoes fitted with a small caster that swiveled 360° around. On any escort's arm, her mother claimed "she was as mobile as a marble"... but with even more sparkle! And later, speaking of marbles, she actually invented the first "Shepherd Caster"... but was so distracted by her fabulous life that she never got around to getting the patent!

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Sybil’s “My Merry Memoirs!”… Chapter 11; My “Vacation” Kitchen...

… a little story of Mummie's own, um...rehabilitation through "Convalescent Cuisine"...

Did I ever tell you about the short, ahem, “vacation” that I was invited to take from MGM after all the blacklisting controversy in 1951? Well, a while back, I had a bit of bad luck, what with the demise of the studio system in Hollywood, the advent of early television (on an 11" screen, no less!... can you imagine?), and then the HUAC hearings and the blacklisting of suspected Communist sympathizers.

Being a victim of all that, I got so upset that I had a bit of a… um… meltdown. It seems I went to the studio commissary and began throwing food at the nice ladies behind the serving counter… there was a rumor that I was particularly destructive with the wax beans and the succotash. And I began to... uh... self-medicate, as young folks call it; so after a lengthy string of failed dinner-theatre productions of Greek tragedies and an even lengthier stroll down benzedrine lane, I was “detained” by some very sympathetic police officers, and later senten--- er, invited to vacation at the Hollywood Hills Home for Semi-Hysterical Creative Persons… on the Sylvia Plath wing. My psychia---er, "social director" knew of my great fondness for cooking and fine dining (he saw that I had put on about 22 pounds!), and decided that fat was better than psychosis, so they installed me in one of their special suites with a fully operational kitchen!

And what a kitchen, with all the latest amenities! It looked like it had been lifted right out of the World's Fair with Betty Furness on a turntable! The only bad news was that all the knives and forks were plastic, and the stove and oven were heated by extra-strong light bulbs. Of course, the gas lines weren't hooked up (it WAS the Sylvia Plath wing, after all!), but I WAS allowed to make all the jello to my heart’s content! And it DID have completely washable surfaces... even spongeable cabinet doors!.. or was it spongy cabinet doors??? Anyway, after about three weeks, I had lost all that weight, but my chocolate pudding batches had ruined the figures of my fellow patients and all our wardens. It was okay though. I was able to tailor their hospital uniforms in my padded sewing room!

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