Dear Sybil, I am writing to you about my New Years Eve celebrating…..I may overdo it!! Is there really any tried and true cure or prevention for hangovers??? Sincerely yours, Blowing Chunks.
Dear B.C., There IS a series of things you can do that I have collected from some of my very favorite (and most notorious!) drunks…do the names John Barrymore, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and Jackson Pollock mean anything to you??? First of all, eat before you party…LOTS!!! And don’t be afraid of dairy!!! Milk, yogurt, cheese, ice cream. LOTS!!….this will accomplish two things: 1) It will coat your stomach and slow down the absorption of the alcohol….and, 2) IT WILL FILL YOU UP…PERIOD!!! You won’t be drinking on an empty stomach and using the booze as an actual NEW YEARS “food group”, (as if the F.D.A. would ever recommend alcohol as a food group to anyone other than W.C. Fields!...did you ever meet him? Oh, that nose!) Then, later when you have finished “partying” and are back home, you can do a couple of things right away….some folks opt to “purge” right on the spot, even if they’re not feeling queasy! It IS a Roman approach to overdoing it, isn’t it? But it DOES clean out everything before it’s absorbed and processed by your poor body! Far less strain on your brain, stomach, liver, kidneys…oh HELL..EVERYTHING!! BUT, if you’d rather not voluntarily throw up, (or even if you do!), take two or even three aspirin with lots of H2O!! LOTS!!!...this will get a head start on any headache you may have, and I’ve been told that it starts to counter-act all the awful toxins that the booze turns into in your body as it’s being eliminated…have you ever smelled formaldehyde???…yuk!!! Lastly!! Whatever you do, DO NOT subscribe to the “hair-of-the-dog” cure….Your dear, sweet body ( the ONLY one you’re getting, Stupid!) is doing everything it can to save you, and itself, from your lack of judgement! Do NOT put more booze back into your system! Imagine that you’ve gotten a terrible sunburn!! JUST AWFUL!!! And someone suggests that you go back out in the sun for two more days, and then sends you to a steamroom! You’d shoot them, wouldn’t you??? Well, the next time that some old sorority sister or a dumb brewsky-boy says to have another beer on your hangover, KILL THEM!!! The courts will find you innocent. XOX!
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