Mr. Puddles….

….Sadly, "Mr. Puddles" was, on occasion, removed to a special facility in the countryside for his own good by his family, co-workers, and even ice cream truck purveyors... He would sometimes talk thirty or so friends into piling up in a phone booth or a Volkswagen beetle with no clothes on and a jumbo jar of Smucker's Strawberry Preserves, or teach them how to make balloon-poodles at children's birthday parties but stop before adding the all-important hind-legs....... He was arrested several times on morals charges and for inflatable-pornography in the presence of a minor... Finally, he was confined for two Class A misdemeanors; "Unnatural cruelty to helium-filled approximations of domestic pets"...and "Deliberately sculpting male genitalia in a medium that must eventually go soft and therefore, vex elderly viewers during otherwise festive occasions"....He was sentenced to 30 days in a Pie-Throw Booth at a mortuary and an additional week in the Dunk-The Clown set-up at Donald Trump rallies….. (postscript: Actually, Mr. Puddles was later cured of his strange preoccupations by an apprenticeship at the "Curl Up 'N' Dye Hair Hut" in Wauseon, Ohio…. The attic over the beauty parlor doubles as a weekend-asylum for the really serious balloon-poodle felons in the area. They're given electric-shock therapy from an old portable Sunbeam hair-dryer with a frayed cord while standing in a kiddies wading pool. It seems to work wonders!!!..and Mr. Puddles finally washed his face and returned to his original life as Mr. Clement Beebe, selling aluminum siding for doll houses.)

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