Facebook Friends! Have you noticed the gradual degradation of traditional American values like "courtesy", "polite public behavior", and "respect for elders"? Do your children chew with their mouths open giving you a time-study of how food breaks down during the process?... (that is if MOST of the food even remains in their mouths!) Do you know a youngster who holds his fork like a shovel or a scooper, or perhaps in an even more Byzantine manner involving BOTH hands and a Medici or Borgia? Does your daughter carefully wipe her mouth with a linen napkin and then ever so precisely actually drape it over the gravy and leftovers on her plate? Have you seen a gang of third-graders stand over an older person and laugh after they've pulled a chair out from under him at an open-air wedding/human sacrifice? Well, now's the time to draw the line! You can get some much needed help, and right away too! The longer you wait, the more permanent this coarse vileness becomes until.... well, dare I say it?...you have raised a LOUT! Yes!! A LOUT!!! Call this number today and get our free kit and a ten-ticket "intervention" pack! Your little miscreant, or Ms. Creant, will be taken in the middle of the night (with much kicking and screaming and NO explanations!) to a remote island of stones, thorns, and rabid squirrels to learn the niceties of public life.... or else! And you'll receive our set of books, handcuffs, barbed wire, and a cattle prod to reinforce all that new education your little darling has absorbed when he or she is returned to you on some roadside in a canvas sack!....And of course, if all else fails, you've got that ten-pack of tickets that just requires a quick little phone call again...and AWAY THEY GO!!...for TWO WEEKS. Enroll now! Just dial MY-KID-STINX!... that's right call 695-437-8469. The nice man will tell you how to order!!
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