BREAKING NEWS from the CNN news desk: WEATHER BULLETIN!!!

... horrible! HORRIBLE!!... Panic has set in all over the North East as the blizzard closes in on millions of terrified citizens from Washington DC to Boston. Grocery shelves are completely empty, and so... people, normally loving and civilized people are considering the unthinkable! They have begun to look at their own beloved four-legged friends...their pets!... Their "fur-babies"...as food! FOOD, DAMMIT!.... The ASPCA and Bide-A Wee have issued alerts to household animals, residents of zoos, and passing wildlife to be on guard! Take nothing for granted! A smiling human, even someone you consider a friend, should now be considered armed and extremely dangerous until the storm has passed! Be especially cautious around veterinarians, short-order cooks, and Facebook food-group administrators! Please! Save yourself and your litter from becoming an entrée, a tray of hors d'oeuvres, or a bedtime snack! You have been warned! An outstretched hand familiar by sight and smell, and even holding a so-called “treat” may be the hand of a stranger....AND A STRANGLER!! Run! RUN....and FETCH YOUR OWN SAFETY!!!

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