Sybil Bruncheon's "Your Gay Credentials"!!... Quiz #722...

Yes, folks, many people think they are adequately gay, but let's be honest, in these days of self-indulgent, entitled, babbling millennials who know nearly nothing about their heritage or culture, can anyone really be GAY ENOUGH? In an attempt to correct some of this cultural bankruptcy and general ignorance, we have created a quiz which allows YOU to know exactly... ARE YOU GAY ENOUGH?

Take a close look at this photo; it's not enough to know that that is Joan Crawford and Bette Davis. It's not enough to know that they played faded movie stars Blanche and Jane Hudson. It's not enough to know that the scene is from WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE? (1962). Your gay credentials will be "in order" if you can correctly answer the following multiple-choice question.

a) The photo is of Jane realizing she has not packed SPF 50 for Blanche whose very name symbolizes her "whiteness" and consequently both her innocence and her tendency to burn.

b) This is the moment that Blanche reminds Jane that it's Election Day, and they should pack up their picnic and get to the polls to vote for that nice Mayor Pete fellow with the naughty last name.

c) Here Jane realizes that the strawberry ice cream she just gave Blanche is having the same effect as it would have on Shelby in STEEL MAGNOLIAS!... but she's still not sure what's in the hypodermic needle.

d) Jane just remembered that she left the door on Sweetsie's bird cage wide open back home... (but she did it sort of accidentally on purpose).

e) Blanche is asking if Jane gave their nice cleaning lady Elvira the day off... Jane says, yes... permanently.

f) Jane is wondering how much they may owe Johnson's Laughter & Liquor Lounge and Emporium, and if she can get enough rum for the piña coladas for her come-back party over at Norma Desmond's.

g) Blanche is asking if their shares of Pepsi-Cola split during the stock market surge that week. Jane says, "PEPSI-cola? I thought you wanted me to buy COCA-COLA!"...

h) Blanche and Jane are realizing the "three hour tour" they booked with Ginger Grant, Mr. and Mrs. Howell, and some jerk named Gilligan is going to be a little more complicated than they thought. 

i) The Hudson sisters just found out they're only getting a "quarter-share" for the $20,000 they spent on a Summer rental on Fire Island in the Pines.

j) Blanche is telling Jane that their gynecologist, Dr. Shelby is actually the same man who used to play strip poker with their father while Baby Jane was onstage in Vaudeville doing four shows a day in a pinafore... Jane says, she knows. She has the photos.

k) Jane has started her harmonica lessons but still can't play "Oh, Danny Boy" or "White Wedding" for Blanche. 

l) Jane is afraid to tell Blanche that the eye brow pencil she used on her sister wasn't a new waterproof one from L'Oreal... it was a laundry marker she found in the telephone table.

(Correct answers can be found on page 112 in the new issue of Highlights Magazine, right after the Connect-The-Dots puzzle to find the naked picture of Milton Berle)

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