To Speak... or Not To Speak...?

Dear Sybil, The winter is so tedious! Should I learn a language during all this indoor time? And which one? Thanks, Pete!

Dear Pete, On learning a new language!!... And which one!
Listen to Mummy.... don't bother to learn Hebrew!!! Just speak one of your other languages backwards!!! And there are no vowels, just consonants!...

On the other hand, Hawaiian is ALL vowels and NO consonants... or very few… whatever.

Why bother with Icelandic? Darling, there are no more Vikings, and ANY language works in a sauna if your "message" under your towel is clear!! You want to do something about Iceland?? Go there and plant a tree!

Danish would be nice, but their language is mostly about pastries, killing whales, and fairy tales where children are either eaten or frozen to death…or BOTH!… same with the pastries and the whales.

Estonian??? The country is very sweet, but the size of a postage stamp, and has a population of 33. Italian is lovely, but really, you could learn most of it off a menu down on Mulberry Street. French is fabulous, but half of the letters in every French word aren't even pronounced! What kind of language has silent or indecipherable letters milling about making you wonder if you're supposed to say them or not? Chilean would be interesting, except that no Latin American country can agree on whose Spanish is the best... and besides Chile is 8000 miles long and only 15' wide.. it’s basically one giant conga-line….

You could learn Portuguese, BUT ONLY BRAZIL'S VERSION!!! It's the only dialect in the world that's prettier than the original language!!! And only if you plan on learning the bossa nova.... or the conga.....whatever!...and the Brazilians are such pretty people, who cares what they're actually saying anyway? Just looking at them is enough for an entire weekend!...especially with a Caipirinha, and a bottle of cachaça in hand!! Turkish could be exciting except that some idiot friend of yours will laugh in your face and say, "Oh, So you've decided to talk turkey!"...

You know what? Take up needlepoint and make a nice pillow.

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