Sybil Bruncheon's "My Merry Memoirs" - Chapter 34...

Back in the 1970s, I rotated as a ward-manager through NY Hospital over on York Avenue on the "graveyard shift"... A woman came in one night to the Emergency Room claiming she was Marie Antoinette, and that she had escaped successfully from Versailles! (It was her beloved maid, she explained, that had gone to the guillotine in her place, and "saved her from the ignorant mob"). Her Majesty complained of stomach pains that had started right after she visited the 18th Century French rooms at the Metropolitan Museum earlier that day... Upon examination, it was found she had hidden a charming gilded desk clock complete with mechanical chirping birds, chimes, and a shepherdess inside her rectum when the guards weren't looking. The real discomfort came though with the entire writing desk that she had pushed in afterwards!...... and the chair!!!... she apologized that the clock was now running a little slow and that she also farted every time it chimed… even on the quarter-hour… The admitting physician and the desk nurses took their time with her, gave her a patient-gown, and calmly booked her into the Payne Whitney Psychiatric wing… (postscript: Poor "Marie Antoinette"... was later discovered to be a Miss Naomi Gillstein of 423 E. 71st.... apartment 2C... in the back!)...

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