BREAKING NEWS from the CNN news desk!… somewhere in Kansas...

This just in as reported to the FBI. The iconic "Ruby Slippers" have been found during a police-sting after their theft over thirteen years ago from an exhibition in a Minneapolis Museum. The perpetrator who works nights as the president of the United States was struck and killed by a little girl from Kansas driving an unlicensed four-room farmhouse. Claiming that weather conditions and the barking of a small dog had distracted her, she apparently lost control of the structure, crossing a median strip, several flight-paths, and a Piggly-Wiggly parking lot before striking the victim and killing him. Witnesses (there were several hundred, all very short) claimed that the little girl was very sorry and certainly didn't deliberately aim for the victim who they said was shouting and shaking a broom at them at the time. The body will be extracted from under the house some time later... when all the singing and dancing has finished. The victim is survived by his sister, a Miss Almira Gulch who has asked that in lieu of flowers, donations should be made to M.A.D.D., Mothers Against Drunk Driving. Details at 6. Black and white film at 11.

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