Hollywood True Story!...... shortly after the release of the book "JULIE & JULIA" in 2002, the author, Julie Powell, began receiving strange hate mail scrawled in lipstick on torn out pages from cookbooks, specifically "low-end" ones like the Campbell's soup "Cook Everything With Cans & Cream Compendium", "Betty Crocker's Sexy Suppers", and the Readers' Digest "Banquets That Are Best For Your Bowels".... The letter crisis escalated to the point where the FBI stepped in to help the state police, but the perpetrator was too clever, mailing the letters from many different states and always using gloves to prevent any fingerprints from being traced. Eventually however, one of the particularly virulent letters arrived and aroused a new interest. While sitting on the desk of Chief Detective Gino Guarnarelli, the Italian-American cop noticed the delicious smell of Veau Caprice de Poulpe et de Guimauve Dans Une Croûte...and the unmistakable fragrance of a brilliant tomato sauce. Yes, apparently the letter writer had run out of lipstick and substituted what was handy!...and upon extensive chemical analysis, it turned out to be the exact sauce that was described so expertly in the newly released "I Am The Center Of The Universe Of Food - Volume 27".... by Julia Child. Although no one could ever suspect that the beloved icon of cooking would be involved in such a sordid scandal, police were sent to Child's home just for casual questioning... What answered the door however was too horrifying to be believed. Over 8' tall and howling, a fanged creature wielding a dead marmoset and a Delft rolling pin stood in the entryway. Police (that hadn't fainted dead away!) yelled several warnings but the hideous thing lumbered toward them shrieking what sounded like French being spoken by Eleanor Roosevelt....or Frankenstein. They reluctantly drew their weapons, but finally had to fire. It took over eighty-three rounds at point blank range to bring the grotesque monster down.... and it still managed to crawl another fourteen feet to a discarded bialy lying near the umbrella stand which it put into its mouth giving one last contented smile ...and a gurgled "yum" before it stopped. Forensic experts and a hazmat team descended on the house and quickly removed the body using a complete lockdown procedure on the neighborhood for a twelve block radius. With the FBI and state authorities involved, the story basically disappeared into a governmental black hole... not discussed in the press, and only whispered about in the highest circles of the intelligence community...and the executive offices of PBS. Interestingly that week, Julia Child herself was declared exhausted and in need of an extended rest overseas... she was going to travel, maybe stay with friends at a remote Lake Como palazzo..... or an estate in Provence. ...and then of course, she ..."died" at 92 years of age. Much loved and an icon of civility, sophistication, and warmth. ....or did she?
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