SybilSez...

Sybil Bruncheon has been performing on stage, radio, TV, film, and in various Vaudeville, burlesque, church basement, county fair, and sideshow....uh..."venues" for most of her 29 years. She is available for bookings for just about anything and can be reached at bruncheon@hotmail.com and on her website sybilbruncheon.com. She is a proud member of the Actors Equity Association and the Screen Actors Guild. Her erdo number is 16.

Dateline Hollywood!!!... It was revealed today at the Beverly Hills Sanitarium For Emotionally Inconvenienced Celebrities that beloved star Jack Skellington had succumbed at some point to his anorexia nervosa. Suffering from the eating disorder and the shame that attends it, Skellington had been on a roller coaster of binge-eating, purging, bulimia, weight loss, and finally cheap and life-threatening gastric bypass surgery in Ecuador...(or was it Akron?....whatever). He was found this past weekend, lifeless on the floor of his hospital suite, surrounded by handfuls of candy corn, stale Easter marshmallow peeps, and a lethal mix of regurgitated Dr. Pepper, candy hearts, Victozas, and Smith Brother cough drops (the menthol ones!).

A priest was called to administer last-rites and offer communion with licorice Necco wafers...but Skellington was pronounced dead on the scene. All Hollywood is in mourning. The coroner stated that there literally was NOTHING left of Jack’s torso.... Always very svelte and chic in his films with a body like Fred Astaire, he had no body weight to spare. His funeral procession through Los Angeles was a time to reflect on his profound talent and the deeper layers of emotion that he brought to his craft and the characters he portrayed. Denied an Oscar several times, he may receive one this next year "in memoriam" for his robust civil rights commitment to both fruits AND vegetables appearing together in the same films. Skellington's iconic movies include JULIUS CAESAR!... SALAD that is!!! (1932), 18 CARROT GOLD (1938), YOU SAY CELERY, I SAY SALARY (1946), THEY CALL ME MISTER POTATO HEAD! (1964), and Stephen King’s THE GREEN STYLE (1999). They will be shown in a special film festival at the Farmer's Market on the corner of Hollywood and Vine. Bobbing for apples, hayrides, and a campfire for S'Mores will be offered to mourners... Donations to the ASPCA are requested in lieu of ears of Indian corn...

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