Sybil's TV reminiscences... The ups and downs of "the little screen"...

Unsuccessful TV SHOWS (558).jpg

You know, folks, at the end of every television season, I get kind of melancholy about all the amazing TV shows that I was cast in over the years... but that didn't make it past a season or two... or even the pilot. Ah well...

TOUCHED BY A CARROT (1971-1973): A nice lady gardener falls in love with a huge orange vegetable she has grown. After winning blue ribbons at county fairs, it abandons her and later runs for president. Comedy ensues.

TAMBOURINE MAN-GIRL (1969): A lady gym-teacher decides that dodgeball offers no fulfillment and takes up with a traveling jug-band as their bouncer. Sadly, her nickname is "Mr. Debbie".

MR. POOF'S PIXIES (1973-1974): A Saturday morning children's show involving cartoons, guest appearances by zoo animals, carnival clowns, and pain-free dentists. I was hired to teach table manners and ballroom dancing to the preschoolers in the live audiences. I often smelled of urine, especially when we did "Kiddie-Tango"...

BUT I LIKE VEGETABLES! (1978-1979): A spin-off of TOUCHED BY A CARROT. The lady gardener, now single but still nice, makes her own way into the world of politics as a vegan candidate for governor of an unnamed but cattle-centric state, probably Texas. Her carrot-lover, now president, has an on-again-off-again romance/rivalry with her. Comedy ensues.

WHATTSUP? (1975-1976): A lady teacher in an inner city school has heartwarming (and life-affirming!) adventures with a gang of quadriplegic graffiti-thugs. She turns their lives around by making them into Bergdorf-Goodman make-up artists to the rich and famous. They hold their tools in their mouths.

HEY, GURRRRRRRRRRL! (1981-1982): A spin-off of WHATTSUP?, the lady school teacher takes students who've lost their arms in bizarre shop-class accidents and opens a hair salon on the roof of Saks Fifth Avenue. They do color, cuts, and blow-outs using their feet. Also heartwarming and life-affirming.

SCHOOL'S OUT …AND BURNED TO THE GROUND (1982-1983): Broad sit-com set in an end-of-the-world dystopia. Lady school teacher opens orphanage for children and childish adults, and makes due with radishes, foraged styrofoam, and common sense. A message at the end of every one of the three completed episodes.

I MARRIED MY DOG (1983-1984): A nice but awkward young paleontologist claims his bichon-frisé, Bitzy, is his reincarnated fiancée and marries her. Comedy ensues when the police find him walking her in a collar, leash, and negligée. I provided Bitzy's voice.

ZORT & THE POOOSIES (1984-1985): A man from another planet lands in suburban Milwaukee and gets a job at a brewery. He forms a garage band with three beautiful policewomen and they solve crimes on the side. I played their housekeeper, Bertha.

I'M A KID! BITE ME (1985-1986): A nice lady from a Republican gardening club, bumps her head, and through amnesia, becomes a wacky neighborhood troublemaker with a slingshot and a penchant for practical jokes on her former friends. Comedy ensues when she burns down the statehouse.

HI! MY FACE IS ON A MILK CARTON (1987-1988): An eccentric lady-performance-artist in NYC's downtown art scene begins meeting and saving street urchins during her sidewalk presentations. Each week, she rescues a new child and starts them on a new life... comedy ensues along with heartwarming, life-affirming messages and mild violence and nudity.

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]