You know, folks, at the end of every television season, I get kind of melancholy about all the amazing TV shows that I was cast in over the years... but that didn't make it past a season or two... or even the pilot. Ah well...
TOUCHED BY A CARROT (1971-1973): A nice lady gardener falls in love with a huge orange vegetable she has grown. After winning blue ribbons at county fairs, it abandons her and later runs for president. Comedy ensues.
TAMBOURINE MAN-GIRL (1969): A lady gym-teacher decides that dodgeball offers no fulfillment and takes up with a traveling jug-band as their bouncer. Sadly, her nickname is "Mr. Debbie".
MR. POOF'S PIXIES (1973-1974): A Saturday morning children's show involving cartoons, guest appearances by zoo animals, carnival clowns, and pain-free dentists. I was hired to teach table manners and ballroom dancing to the preschoolers in the live audiences. I often smelled of urine, especially when we did "Kiddie-Tango"...
BUT I LIKE VEGETABLES! (1978-1979): A spin-off of TOUCHED BY A CARROT. The lady gardener, now single but still nice, makes her own way into the world of politics as a vegan candidate for governor of an unnamed but cattle-centric state, probably Texas. Her carrot-lover, now president, has an on-again-off-again romance/rivalry with her. Comedy ensues.
WHATTSUP? (1975-1976): A lady teacher in an inner city school has heartwarming (and life-affirming!) adventures with a gang of quadriplegic graffiti-thugs. She turns their lives around by making them into Bergdorf-Goodman make-up artists to the rich and famous. They hold their tools in their mouths.
HEY, GURRRRRRRRRRL! (1981-1982): A spin-off of WHATTSUP?, the lady school teacher takes students who've lost their arms in bizarre shop-class accidents and opens a hair salon on the roof of Saks Fifth Avenue. They do color, cuts, and blow-outs using their feet. Also heartwarming and life-affirming.
SCHOOL'S OUT …AND BURNED TO THE GROUND (1982-1983): Broad sit-com set in an end-of-the-world dystopia. Lady school teacher opens orphanage for children and childish adults, and makes due with radishes, foraged styrofoam, and common sense. A message at the end of every one of the three completed episodes.
I MARRIED MY DOG (1983-1984): A nice but awkward young paleontologist claims his bichon-frisé, Bitzy, is his reincarnated fiancée and marries her. Comedy ensues when the police find him walking her in a collar, leash, and negligée. I provided Bitzy's voice.
ZORT & THE POOOSIES (1984-1985): A man from another planet lands in suburban Milwaukee and gets a job at a brewery. He forms a garage band with three beautiful policewomen and they solve crimes on the side. I played their housekeeper, Bertha.
I'M A KID! BITE ME (1985-1986): A nice lady from a Republican gardening club, bumps her head, and through amnesia, becomes a wacky neighborhood troublemaker with a slingshot and a penchant for practical jokes on her former friends. Comedy ensues when she burns down the statehouse.
HI! MY FACE IS ON A MILK CARTON (1987-1988): An eccentric lady-performance-artist in NYC's downtown art scene begins meeting and saving street urchins during her sidewalk presentations. Each week, she rescues a new child and starts them on a new life... comedy ensues along with heartwarming, life-affirming messages and mild violence and nudity.
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