From Sybil Bruncheon’s Merry Memoirs: Game Show Goofiness!

True Story! As professional and well-loved as the late Alex Trebek was on television’s iconic Jeopardy, there were apparently episodes which were shelved for any number of reasons. One in particular occurred during a game-show writers’ strike where Trebek and a late-night (and possibly drunk!) crew of cleaning staff decided to write the material for the next show… here are the topics that they surprised the players, the studio audience, and the sponsors with at show time! You decide…

1) PURPLE CLOTHING ITEMS,

2) OBLONG FRUITS AND VEGETABLES AND THEIR MISUSE BY CHILDREN,

3) FAMOUS PEOPLE EATEN BY CANNIBALS,

4) PRESIDENTS WITH SECRET BIZARRE HOBBIES,

5) ACTRESSES WITH MEN’S NAMES,

6) MEN WITH ACTRESSES’ NAMES,

7) DOGS AND CATS AND THEIR RECIPES,

8) PLANETS IN OTHER PARTS OF THE UNIVERSE,

9) FURNITURE THAT TALKS,

10) LINT

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*Tour-ette from Abingdon Sq. Park in Greenwich Village! A quick trip into NYC!... and out! 4/26/2022

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Just my opinion... BUT!"...

Sybil photo by Jack D. Pedota, styled by Susan Suka Taylor

1) Jar Jar Binks is one of the most loathsome characters in the history of fiction. Tedious, incoherent, and physically too ugly to live... as though Jabba the Hutt had finally taken a sh*t after two weeks of constipation... and it decided to talk.

2) Urkel... clear evidence that one last attempt was made in the 20th century to create a Steppin' Fetchit minstrel character to insult African Americans' intelligence and culture, (apparently with cooperation from some of them themselves...)

3) Aunt Alicia was right! "Bad table manners, my dear Gigi, have broken up more households than infidelity." Travel the country and watch how people hold their forks... and chew.

4) Perhaps this covid epidemic and all the obsession over cleanliness, contamination, and the transmission of germs and disease will finally convince people to keep their filthy feet off publicly used furniture and seating, especially in airports and in Starbucks!... then again... probably not.

5) The death penalty is not much of a penalty. We ALL die eventually, and most of us die rather badly. Very few people die peacefully in their sleep at a great old age, after a long, healthy, and problem-free life. So if we really want to punish someone, give him a life sentence in an appalling place with excellent medical care but unending squalor, deprivation, and despair... among his own kind.

6) Now that humans have developed simulated violence as entertainment, we watch "real housewives" instead of gladiators or chariot races. Their forlorn misadventures and mischiefs are like all reality television; a combination of metaphorical sword fights, joustings, fiery car crashes, and disembowelments. Sadly, we still seem to need "Ultimate Fighting Championships" and bullfighting.

7) All intelligence is not a matter of what one knows, but what one is curious to find out. The greatest minds through history have been insatiably curious, and usually felt at the end of their lives that they knew so little, and were filled with an overwhelming desire to learn more. Avoid anyone who is the dead opposite of this, especially in politics... or in your family… or in mine!

8) Kindness can be found anywhere and everywhere, and under the most surprising circumstances and from the most surprising sources... unfortunately monstrous cruelty can be found under exactly the same parameters. I have no idea what this means. But one must be ferocious... and be ready to do great and terrible things for one's loved ones… and for the causes one cares about.

9) It's better to know the worst in a situation, make arrangements and strategies that will serve you, and hope for the best in case things turn out better than you expected. In any case, remember to be Present, to be Mindful, and to be Grateful. Everything around us is Borrowed... only Borrowed.

10) In my experience, it seems that people through history who lived very long lives, weren't necessarily better off or even "happier". Indeed, many of them seem to have been full of turmoil, conflict and struggle, but... they all seem to have "burned" for something. They burned brightly for things they cared about. They were committed to things that mattered. They lived authentically and vividly, often at odds with most people around them. They had light coming out of them, and did not require others to provide their light, their truth, or their purpose... or even to validate the mystery of their existence... interesting.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Who'z Dat?"... Happy Birthdays on March 5th...

Clockwise from top left: James Sikking, Joan Bennett, Samantha Eggar, Dean Stockwell, Jack Cassidy, Virginia Christine, Rex Harrison, Henry Daniell, Henry Travers, and Elaine Page.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Olympic Coverage Tonight!"... the Beijing Bump & Grind Bob-Sled Stadium...

Broadcasting LIVE, the Women's Finals in the singles competition! An interesting coincidence in that the four top-ranked competitors all happen to be nuns; France/Sister Marie-Giselle from La Sainte Maison de la Miséricorde et Les Manières de Table Impeccables, Hungary/Sister Magdarra Jargada from A Meditáció és a Jeges víz Szent Kunyhója, Argentina/Sister Maria Conconchita Esmeraldita con Esculita y Mucho Saborita from El Retiro Sagrado de Los Asuntos Mundanos y Los Malos Toques, and finally the USA/Sister Mary Kiki Connover from the Nun Hut in the Sepulvida Bargain Mart (near the Slossen cut-off). Perhaps because of their Holy status, all the other competitors give the Sisters a wide berth and consequently a huge advantage in the contest. Or perhaps their reputations for being ferocious and aggressive drivers of pick-up trucks, fork-lifts, and rider-mowers is the secret... all four have arrest records for felonious motorized vehicle crimes. Stay tuned...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Olympic Coverage Tonight!"... the Friendly Little Shepherdess Convent of Covington, Kentucky...

In the Care-Full & Prayerful Community Cafeteria the Sisters of all ranks have gathered to watch Sister Mary Helgillina compete in the Women's Obstacle Course and Hand-to-Hand Combat/ Downhill Luge. Traveling at over 120 mph and in her habit and wimple (as required by Monsignor Cryptuss McGallagher), she must race eight miles of winding, wind-blown track with carefully placed boulders, prickly pines, and assorted grizzly bears, coyotes, and enraged muskrats, while swinging wildly at other competitors with an assortment of croquet mallets, putting irons, and kitchen utensils. All the women of course are on their little luge sleds with no brakes of any kind... Mary Helgillina's advantage over her competition?? The Reverend Mother had set aside all of her kitchen duties over the last nine months so that she could practice sledding on a cafeteria tray while the other Holy Sisters pelted her flying by with old socks stuffed with potato peelings. Stay tuned...

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Sybil Bruncheon's “A Few of My Favorite Things”… Agatha Christie's "Hercule Poirot"...

These are some of the most famous portrayals of Agatha Christie's iconic character, Hercule Poirot... and each may have its strong points, entertaining nuances, or annoying weaknesses.

In my opinion, and again, it's only my opinion, (like my feelings about performances of Jane Marple) some are loaded with brilliance, and others are... um... well, nearly unforgivable. In fact, I will not even name them all because of that; sulky, arbitrary, unintelligible, pedestrian, self-indulgent, high-schoolish, frivolously clownish... I'm amazed Christie hasn't clawed her way up through the rocky clay to seize some of them by their throats and drag them to Hell!

On the other hand, for me, there are two ideal Poirots; for the "small screen", it's of course, David Suchet. Interestingly, if you've seen him in other projects, he personally bears no resemblance to the little Belgian detective, short of being... well, short. (He's only 5' 7") He created the small egg-shaped appearance of Poirot by padding himself, changing his center of gravity, slowing his stride to mincing little steps, confining all his gestures to close-to-the-torso hand-fluttering, and reducing his naturally deep manly voice to higher-pitched whispering. His Poirot could almost be accused of being a fey "camp" impersonation of a 1930's "faggot". His fussing and compulsive housekeeping would be off-putting in a lesser actor, but Suchet carries it all off, and charmingly so. Coincidentally, Peter Ustinov, who played Poirot to Suchet's Inspector Japp many years earlier, told Suchet that he could play Poirot himself and gave him some of the Christie books to read... and the rest is history, literally! Suchet holds the record for playing the little detective in more projects, in more venues, and for more years than any other actor... in history!! His mustache alone underwent an extraordinary evolution as can be seen in the reruns!...

... and a Poirot for the "silver screen"? For me, it can only be Albert Finney. When he first appeared in 1974, audiences were startled by Finney's mannerisms, his stylized vocalization and gestures, and the fact that he'd evolved from being a "leading man" (of sorts) into a such an extreme almost freakish character. But director Sidney Lumet loaded the film with such an extraordinary supporting cast, such style and elegance, such beautiful cinematography, editing, and a lush film score to boot, and all confined in the tight compartments of the Orient Express that Finney's Poirot felt perfectly natural. His meticulous fastidiousness even while dying his hair and mustache is perfect. In fact, he was nominated for an Oscar as Best Actor, and the film received another five nominations in other categories.

When the story was remade yet again later in 2017, the budget was 50 times greater; there were spectacular but unnecessary CGI exteriors and vistas, a surprising dearth of style and elegance, and superfluous embellishments... like that absurd mile-wide mustache, and reconfigured into a Van Dyke of all things!!... you notice I haven't mentioned the actor/producer by name... oh well.

I guess it just goes to show that some characters in the history of fiction, no matter how iconic and brilliant, are not "actor proof"... Fortunately, Christie was dead before most of these stumbling attempts were made. A blessing of sorts. Right before she died, she stated that MURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS (1974) was one of her two most favorite films of her work. The other was WITNESS FOR THE PROSECUTION (1957)... with no Hercule Poirot!

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Sybil Bruncheon's Birthdays... December 12th...

Happy Birthday!!!...(clockwise from lower left) Laura Hope Crews, Edward G. Robinson, Connie Francis, Cathy Rigby, Bill Nighy, Tom Wilkinson, Bob Barker, Frank Sinatra, and Jennifer Connelly.

Sybil Bruncheon's “A Few of My Favorite Things”… Agatha Christie's "Jane Marple"...

Agatha Christie's "Jane Marple"... fortunately, the character is so extraordinary a creation that she is almost "actor-proof". It's nearly impossible to do her badly... or should I say, VERY badly?...

IMO; These are the best portrayals of Agatha Christie's iconic character Jane Marple... and each has her strong points and entertaining nuances...

Julia McKenzie is suitably fretful and self-deprecating as the clues (and murders!) pile up. But she keeps letting us know how “in the dark” she is, until, of course, she’s not!

And when I want a fluttering parakeet with a sharp little beak and tiny claws, it's Geraldine McEwan. Her lemony bite and snarky side-glances are perfect if you want your Miss Marple with an edge.

I can sometimes enjoy Angela Lansbury, if I don't mind stammering, squawking, and dithering. But her Marple is a bit like Mrs. Lovett… without the cannibalism...

…and Helen Hayes would be perfect if I wanted a busy-body granny from next door who smelled of gingerbread and Prince Matchabelli's "Wind Song"...

But I DO have my favorites; when I want comedy, I choose Margaret Rutherford. I love the way she chews everything on camera; the scenery, the dialogue, her fellow actors... nothing is safe from her ham-bone mugging, and every moment with her is a master class in how to mug shamelessly and still merit accolades as a genius. She delights me so much that I can actually binge-watch her "Murder Most-" series of 1960s again and again.

AND, drum roll please!... when I want to revel in my very favorite Jane Marple of all time, it's none other than Joan Hickson, the actress that Christie herself hoped would one day play the sleuth. She never embroiders or accessorizes Marple. There are no arbitrary vocal or physical tricks... no clutter. As a matter of fact, Hickson's Marple is almost a study in Method Acting, as if Marlon Brando or James Dean were doing her. She whispers and mumbles many of her lines, often as if she's not actually speaking to other characters onscreen with her. Her line deliveries are almost introspective meditations... I sometimes think we're reading her mind. Her silences are wonderful, and her glances at foolish people or at liars are the gold, nay, the platinum standard of stillness. She is the dead opposite of Rutherford, and only elicits laughter from me when I am gobsmacked by her acting brilliance. She has light literally pouring out of her... without the pyrotechnics! Rutherford has the fireworks... and for me, the others are cowbells, kazoos, caterwaulings, and whoopie cushions. Again, just my opinion...

(Counterclockwise from left: Joan Hickson, Angela Lansbury, Margaret Rutherford, Julia McKenzie, Geraldine McEwan, and in the center, Helen Hayes)

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Sybil's "Big Stars On The Little Screen": Bob Ross...

Bob Ross had a speaking voice as effective as Thorazine...and his Do-It-At-Home painting programs were prescribed nationwide by the National Institute of the Emotionally Inconvenienced... within 68 seconds of the beginning of any one of his shows, entire asylums of shrieking lunatics, serial arsonists, and ferocious sex offenders would be curled up dozing comfortably and sucking their own thumbs. Finally, his shows were simply looped on closed circuit televisions, saving millions on mood altering and anti-psychotic medications. Sadly, it was discovered that over-exposure to his "happy little trees", "giggling little waterfalls", and "frisky little squirrels" could result in paralysis and even death. A ward nurse in Paramus left her patients alone and unattended with a Bob Ross marathon on PBS for a full eight hour shift, and returned to a catastrophic loss of life...and/or eyesight. She was tried and convicted of willful negligence, medical malpractice, and assault with a cheerful little brook… with intent to kill.

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