From Sybil Bruncheon's (Not So) Merry Memoirs:

I wish there was a less grim aftermath for Christmas.... I always dread this part of the celebrations. When the trees first start appearing at the street-corner lots lit by strings of bare light bulbs draped mock-gayly between street lamps and parking signs. Salesmen/tree choppers manning their vans and coffee thermoses through the night while their trees of all sizes and varieties lean against each other, stacked and bound with twine til they're examined, and either chosen or rejected for purchase. Little spruces perhaps only a year or two old resting against grand firs of maybe 30 years.... all of them cut down for the ultimate sin; being beautiful.

I know "they're grown for harvesting"..... I know "they're recycled" or "used for mulching".... but I have always, always been haunted by the Hans Christian Andersen story of "The Fir-Tree"... and the end of the story. My parents gayly read the fairy tale to me on Christmas eve, and then that last paragraph... I remember that I was convulsed (literally!), and inconsolable... and they were stunned at my reaction. They never looked at me the same way again... because I was no longer a simple child... with a child's simple sensibilities.

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*Tour-ette on a beautiful Christmas morning from Longwood Gardens, Pennsylvania (part 4) 12/25/2023

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*Tour-ette on a beautiful Christmas morning from Longwood Gardens, Pennsylvania (part 3) 12/25/2023

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*Tour-ette on a beautiful Christmas morning from Longwood Gardens, Pennsylvania (part 2) 12/25/2023

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*Tour-ette on a beautiful Christmas morning from Longwood Gardens, Pennsylvania (part 1) 12/25/2023

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*Tour-ette of this year's Christmas tree right before the Holiday! Last-minute scrambling! 12/23/2023

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmases Past... Controversial Cards & Weird Wishes!"...

Boys and Girls, did you know that before Hallmark began writing nice little messages about reindeer and elves for Grandma, there were Holiday cards that were much stranger and sometimes had messages that might have frightened Grandma... or even killed her. And instead of Mrs. Santa Claus baking a pie there might be a bad man called Krampus eating a little boy! Mummie has put together some old cards for you to look at and learn from, and the next time you're singing carols or making cookies or opening a present, just remember that if you jumble the letters in Santa's name, they can also spell S-A-T-A-N!!

Bwah Ha Ha Haaa!!!!

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmases On Other Worlds... #31...

On the planet KerJijji in the Gonfalon Star System, Mr. Kellen Bzzb#*du and his lovely gamete-partner Debbie raised a well-behaved ambulatory-fetus. Eventually they named it Piff, the evocative name of a fragrant flower that grows on the hillsides of the Hariboo Moors where the Box-Oxen roam.

Kellen began portraying Santa at Christmastime when he was only eight, partly because of his thick, bushy boy-beard, but also because his head-horns had grown so generously at such a young age... sadly, he had gored his mother to death while breastfeeding in the deliver room of their local birthing-barn.

Unlike Earth-versions of Santa, the KerJijji Santa does not "Ho Ho Ho" but rather sort of moos and belches... kind of like a cow with acid reflux. Younglings on KerJijji allow Santa to sit on them, and then, as he moo-belches, they sing Holiday carols involving sky-sledding, puddings made of skittle-beetles, and using Grandma as a piñata until candy or poops come out. On Christmas morning no one is given gifts as the beings on KerJijji are unable to open them... they have five fingers… but no thumbs.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmas... and the morning after..."

Yep, one day you're a super star! An international icon for the entire world! Copied, admired, immortalized in theatre, film, art; written about and TO by millions of adoring fans, the subject of more songs than any other figure in history... and then... you're dumped! Snubbed, forgotten, tossed aside like the withered pine trees in the gutters with their sad tinsel and the odd orphan ornament still hooked into a back-branch. It's 6 in the morning on the 26th, and your only pal is some middle-aged waitress named Maureen, sneaking a smoke after she brings you a cuppa joe and yesterday's pumpkin pie... but it's a double-sized slice, not because she likes you, but because it's all that's left in the dented pie tin, and the crust is missing from half of it... and nope! No whipped cream…

Still, unlike other has-beens or never-weres, you have a little good news, albeit about 11 months away. You'll "be back"... with all the glamour and glitter that a celebrity in fur and velvet like you lives for. So you pay the check, tip Maureen 30%, and head out to the alley behind the diner by the dumpster where you parked. And then, it's up, up, and away!... a flight home. A really long flight home, where your wife is waiting... a nice hot shower and a warm bed. …oh, and a few letters that just arrived...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmases That Mostly WEREN'T!"... some friendly advice...

Katey couldn’t believe Santa actually came up to her at the Fun Park Toy Fair… She had sat on his lap earlier and told him what she wanted for Christmas, and he had listened carefully and took some notes! And here he was again, smiling, laughing, and smelling like some kind of medicine… the kind that made Grampa laugh a lot during football games.

Santa said he was getting Katey the car she asked for, and that he was also giving her a bottle of his funny-medicine. He snuck it to her from under his red suit… and he told her it was okay to drink and drive. There wasn’t any such thing as a five-year-old policemen…

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