*Tour-ette of this year's Christmas tree right before the Holiday! Last-minute scrambling! 12/23/2023

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmases Past... Controversial Cards & Weird Wishes!"...

Boys and Girls, did you know that before Hallmark began writing nice little messages about reindeer and elves for Grandma, there were Holiday cards that were much stranger and sometimes had messages that might have frightened Grandma... or even killed her. And instead of Mrs. Santa Claus baking a pie there might be a bad man called Krampus eating a little boy! Mummie has put together some old cards for you to look at and learn from, and the next time you're singing carols or making cookies or opening a present, just remember that if you jumble the letters in Santa's name, they can also spell S-A-T-A-N!!

Bwah Ha Ha Haaa!!!!

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmases On Other Worlds... #31...

On the planet KerJijji in the Gonfalon Star System, Mr. Kellen Bzzb#*du and his lovely gamete-partner Debbie raised a well-behaved ambulatory-fetus. Eventually they named it Piff, the evocative name of a fragrant flower that grows on the hillsides of the Hariboo Moors where the Box-Oxen roam.

Kellen began portraying Santa at Christmastime when he was only eight, partly because of his thick, bushy boy-beard, but also because his head-horns had grown so generously at such a young age... sadly, he had gored his mother to death while breastfeeding in the deliver room of their local birthing-barn.

Unlike Earth-versions of Santa, the KerJijji Santa does not "Ho Ho Ho" but rather sort of moos and belches... kind of like a cow with acid reflux. Younglings on KerJijji allow Santa to sit on them, and then, as he moo-belches, they sing Holiday carols involving sky-sledding, puddings made of skittle-beetles, and using Grandma as a piñata until candy or poops come out. On Christmas morning no one is given gifts as the beings on KerJijji are unable to open them... they have five fingers… but no thumbs.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmas... and the morning after..."

Yep, one day you're a super star! An international icon for the entire world! Copied, admired, immortalized in theatre, film, art; written about and TO by millions of adoring fans, the subject of more songs than any other figure in history... and then... you're dumped! Snubbed, forgotten, tossed aside like the withered pine trees in the gutters with their sad tinsel and the odd orphan ornament still hooked into a back-branch. It's 6 in the morning on the 26th, and your only pal is some middle-aged waitress named Maureen, sneaking a smoke after she brings you a cuppa joe and yesterday's pumpkin pie... but it's a double-sized slice, not because she likes you, but because it's all that's left in the dented pie tin, and the crust is missing from half of it... and nope! No whipped cream…

Still, unlike other has-beens or never-weres, you have a little good news, albeit about 11 months away. You'll "be back"... with all the glamour and glitter that a celebrity in fur and velvet like you lives for. So you pay the check, tip Maureen 30%, and head out to the alley behind the diner by the dumpster where you parked. And then, it's up, up, and away!... a flight home. A really long flight home, where your wife is waiting... a nice hot shower and a warm bed. …oh, and a few letters that just arrived...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmases That Mostly WEREN'T!"... some friendly advice...

Katey couldn’t believe Santa actually came up to her at the Fun Park Toy Fair… She had sat on his lap earlier and told him what she wanted for Christmas, and he had listened carefully and took some notes! And here he was again, smiling, laughing, and smelling like some kind of medicine… the kind that made Grampa laugh a lot during football games.

Santa said he was getting Katey the car she asked for, and that he was also giving her a bottle of his funny-medicine. He snuck it to her from under his red suit… and he told her it was okay to drink and drive. There wasn’t any such thing as a five-year-old policemen…

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmases That Mostly WEREN'T!"... Rules are rules!

Janey forgot that Daddy said don't go sledding at the Grand Canyon... and Ted wasn't going to remind her...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmases That Mostly WEREN'T!"... Neither snow, nor rain, nor...

Clem Madison was a devoted mailman in the little town of Krampden Corners, Iowa. It was a simple little job for a simple little village, but still... It never occurred to Clem that he should ask for an enclosed vehicle of some sort to deliver the mail... or that perhaps, if he was going to walk, he could carry more than one piece of mail at a time on each trip... that's what the bag was for...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmases That Mostly WEREN'T!"... Daddy's new wife...

It was the Christmas of 1961 when little Jacqui met Daddy's new wife, Mrs. Kelly. That's what she wanted Jacqui to call her for a little while longer, especially because Daddy had just met her at Thanksgiving when he went on a business trip to a place called Club Med. Daddy explained to Jacqui that sometimes grown-ups like a person right away and don't need to wait around to find out if they kiss good...

...so there they all were decorating the Christmas tree with Mrs. Kelly making martinis and drinking most of them, and Daddy laughing nervously but also drinking and sneaking kisses to the lady calling herself Mrs. Kelly. Jacqui was so happy decorating the tree with the shiny ornaments and twinkling lights. She didn't hear Mrs. Kelly whispering in Daddy's ear about how much better it might be if Jacqui decorated the tree by herself... maybe putting up some more lights or fixing the wires... while standing in a puddle...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmases That Mostly WEREN'T!"... It's the THOUGHT that counts!

Gift giving time is always so lovely... especially with someone very special. At least that's what Ken and Cindy thought on their first Christmas together. They'd only been dating for a few months, but they both splurged a little more than they expected on their gifts.

They met at Cindy's place before going out to Spinelli's for a festive little Holiday dinner... They kissed under the mistletoe in front of the fire, and then exchanged their presents. Ken's was wrapped perfectly with a cheerful little bow and the tag addressed to his "Sweet Cindy"...

...and Cindy's had a tag on it "To My Hot Man-Stud, Biff!"... uh, oh...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmases That Mostly WEREN'T!"... Food! Glorious FOOD!...

When the Recession hit, many families had to go without Christmas presents... and even dinner. Daddies explained to their children (often while the Daddies cried or banged their hands on the table!) what a Recession was, and how it wasn't as bad as a Depression, but still...!!

That's when a grocery store nearby would ask a local wax-dummy maker to design a fake turkey to be driven from house to house at Holiday time. It only cost $5.00 to rent the wax-dummy turkey for ten minutes, and then off it would go to the Fergusons, the Baxters, or the nice old lady with all the cats on the corner of Elco and Fairfield...

And that's when Mother would come in and say that even though we didn't have turkey, good little children should eat 20 or so rolls... with lard... and not complain...

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