Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmases On Other Worlds... #31...

On the planet KerJijji in the Gonfalon Star System, Mr. Kellen Bzzb#*du and his lovely gamete-partner Debbie raised a well-behaved ambulatory-fetus. Eventually they named it Piff, the evocative name of a fragrant flower that grows on the hillsides of the Hariboo Moors where the Box-Oxen roam.

Kellen began portraying Santa at Christmastime when he was only eight, partly because of his thick, bushy boy-beard, but also because his head-horns had grown so generously at such a young age... sadly, he had gored his mother to death while breastfeeding in the deliver room of their local birthing-barn.

Unlike Earth-versions of Santa, the KerJijji Santa does not "Ho Ho Ho" but rather sort of moos and belches... kind of like a cow with acid reflux. Younglings on KerJijji allow Santa to sit on them, and then, as he moo-belches, they sing Holiday carols involving sky-sledding, puddings made of skittle-beetles, and using Grandma as a piñata until candy or poops come out. On Christmas morning no one is given gifts as the beings on KerJijji are unable to open them... they have five fingers… but no thumbs.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Springtime… In Other… um… Places"...

Nancy Kuppermann so enjoyed the arrival of Spring! Like many housewives in her community, she did all her Spring cleaning; cleaned out the basement, attic, and garage, and even painted her husband’s study and a guest bedroom and bathroom… all before she started on the gardening. She and her best pal, Karen Folger, met on Saturday and picked out tulip, hyacinth, daffodil, and jralanthus bulbs, and, after an hour or so of planting together, they went grocery shopping. Brocklezezzer’s had a special in their Wonderful World of Salad Dressings section, and the girls didn’t want to miss out on both the variety and the bargains. So many wonderful flavors and regional specialties from all different parts of their world.

But that’s how it was in a place that was strictly vegetarian. Nancy had married a Chicory, and Karen’s husband was from a long line of Arugalas. Most women eventually ate their husbands around their second or third anniversary, and certainly no later than their 4th. They’d be too woody or even wilted by then… NO! A really sumptuous husband should be fresh, leafy green, rinsed thoroughly and served with a luscious blue cheese, or, in the case of Mr. Folger, a tangy Caesar! After all, he was really Italian, wasn’t he?… and that was how Springtime was celebrated on the planet JZzelelry 6… in the “Vega” system…

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