...from Sybil Bruncheon's "EASTER EGGS-traordinaries"... The Eggs-sorcist!

"The Marshmallow Peeps of Syosset compels YOU!

The Cadbury eggs of Poughkeepsie compels YOU!

The Brach's classic jelly beans compels YOU!!"

[Want to read other stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

... from Sybil Bruncheon's "EASTER EGGS-traordinaries”… Celebrations on other worlds...

On the Planet Jrzzelkin 22*^pLotky, the inhabitants decided to collect examples of life from other worlds, especially during the alien species' festival-times and celebrations. Sadly, the Jrzzelkins sometimes confused one holiday with another... for instance, after they seized little Jeffy Crawford from the backyard of his home in Perrysburg, Ohio, the Jrzzelkins couldn't decide if they were supposed to use him as a piñata... or stuff him with herbs and bread crumbs...

[Want to read other stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

From Sybil Bruncheon's (Not So) Merry Memoirs:

I wish there was a less grim aftermath for Christmas.... I always dread this part of the celebrations. When the trees first start appearing at the street-corner lots lit by strings of bare light bulbs draped mock-gayly between street lamps and parking signs. Salesmen/tree choppers manning their vans and coffee thermoses through the night while their trees of all sizes and varieties lean against each other, stacked and bound with twine til they're examined, and either chosen or rejected for purchase. Little spruces perhaps only a year or two old resting against grand firs of maybe 30 years.... all of them cut down for the ultimate sin; being beautiful.

I know "they're grown for harvesting"..... I know "they're recycled" or "used for mulching".... but I have always, always been haunted by the Hans Christian Andersen story of "The Fir-Tree"... and the end of the story. My parents gayly read the fairy tale to me on Christmas eve, and then that last paragraph... I remember that I was convulsed (literally!), and inconsolable... and they were stunned at my reaction. They never looked at me the same way again... because I was no longer a simple child... with a child's simple sensibilities.

[Want to read other stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

From Sybil Bruncheon's "A Few Of My Favorite Things!"...

Did I ever show you my child's camping set?... when I was little, my extraordinary Grandmother insisted that if I was to be sent away for the Summer (Camp Goomy-ma-Goochie... in the Catskills! Do you know it?) that I was to maintain "the sophisticated and civilized niceties that we had been raised in"... her words exactly. She had this special camping set made for me in sterling silver; yes, that's the traditional Army tray, sterling fork and spoon in Georg Jensen "Pyramid", and a sterling salt and pepper set in cobalt glass with a little "Pyramid" salt spoon. And no! There's no knife... apparently I had threatened some child who claimed that the whole thing was only silver-plate! SILVER-PLATE! Me! Can you imagine??... with MY grandmother! I kicked HIS ass...

[Want to read other stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil Bruncheon's Stories For Young Scientists…

Boys and Girls! Did you know that there have been other solar eclipses at other times and in different places?? For instance, at Prendergast Point, Idaho, at the Our Lady of Merciful Miasmas Laying-In Hospital, the nursing staff took a short break on the afternoon of June 17th, 1921. Being educated and extremely scientific ladies, they had prepared thoroughly for this "once-in-a-lifetime opportunity"….. as the sky darkened and all conversation quieted, the girls marveled at the other phenomenon surrounding the event.

The birds stopped singing, crickets and other night-time creatures began to hum, and the famous "chilly breeze" passed over them as the moon's shadow crossed the globe…. the extraordinary mystery and stillness of the event was suddenly broken by old Mr. Gregoire, the janitor from the 4th floor who thought it would be funny to bombard the earnest ladies with stolen pastries from the cafeteria! "Moon pies!", he shrieked! 'Moon Pies! MOON PIES!!!", and as if that wasn't shock enough for the screaming and frosting-covered ladies, he proceeded to pull down his overalls only inches from their gaping faces and expose his 68 year old buttocks to them…. Cries of, "My eyes! MY EYES!!!" filled the courtyard of the hospital as medical staff came running….

The papers reported that this was yet another instance of a temporary madness which seems to follow solar eclipses as they occur. No charges were filed, although Mr. Gregoire was given a topical ointment to alleviate an unsightly pimple condition…

[Want to read other stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Snapshots From Sybil Bruncheon's Scrapbook:

God dammit! Who found this old photo of me being stopped by Big Jim Flaherty for parking by a hydrant??... He was writing out my ticket when he noticed that one of my tail lights was broken... and then that I had the smell of Vick's cough syrup on my breath!... alright! ALRIGHT! I was SICK!... I had a little drinking problem, but I was completely able to walk a straight line down the sidewalk, and even skip the cracks!... well, until I got up to the hopscotch board that Stacey-May Entwhiler had drawn in chalk deliberately to screw me up so she could date Big Jim... (she was a conniving little BITCH!... even at 6..!!)

… so who could blame me when I ran her over at her 7th birthday party?

[Want to read other stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil Bruncheon's "Our Little Peoples' Library"...

Hello, Boys & Girls! Do you like to read?... oh, I hope so! It's very nice to let our imaginations help create the stories we hear, as opposed to sitting like dumb-ass Uncle Alf, or Drunky Cousin Julie, (or maybe even your parents and let the TV do all the thinking for the day!) Here are three books that are currently in your school library, but don't let the titles fool you! They're a good deal more interesting than they sound!… and Mummie will tell you a few more fascinating details about each of them, but don't worry! I won't spoil the stories or the surprise endings...

THE ADVENTURES OF JERRY MUSKRAT: Published by the Bedtime Story Books Co. and written by Thornton W. Burgess (later tried and convicted of espionage against His Majesty's Royal Navy). Jerry, though a rodent, proves to be extremely clever and even infernally brilliant at tricking various other animals in the village of Little Puddle-Wink into mischief, mayhem... and finally, murder. Fully illustrated including this cover of Jerry giving a ride to Mayor Tim-Toad Terwilliger across Lake Loon. Unfortunately, toads are not very good swimmers, and Jerry has fooled Mayor Tim Toad into playing "Let's Ride A Submarine"... can you guess who's the submarine... and who isn’t?

THE PIE AND THE PATTY PAN by Beatrix Potter: An early story by Miss Potter, long before she found her fame with much more wholesome characters like Peter Rabbit and his bunny family! She had started her career not with animals but with inanimate objects that had become living, talking, anthropomorphized beings, often wearing clothes, holding jobs, and even engaging in questionable “adult practices”. Her first stories were directed at young girls and their education in housekeeping, mothering their dolls, and “lady arts”. THE PIE AND THE PATTY PAN sounded at first like some sort of story about cooking and dessert, but within a page or so, the Patty Pan revealed its desire to fiercely spank a perfectly innocent and trusting Pie… and in a fiery oven fully illustrated as a 9th circle of Hell, complete with demonic rolling pins and other kitchen utensils waving red hot forks over their heads. This book is NOT for the faint of heart… or for diabetics.

FRISKY SQUIRREL’S STORY: … by someone named Amy Prentice; The title, the cover art, the opening page… it all claimed to be a merry little children’s story, but the more you looked, the more dry, ordinary, almost banal it was. Indeed there was nothing frisky about the title character, his cohorts, the prose, the so-called plot and adventures… nothing. Cover to cover, it read more like an FBI dossier except with furry forest animals and their vegetable and flower pals; Mr. Howard Badger smuggled his next door neighbor Blackie Raven out of the basement with a briefcase full of hollow walnuts, Mrs. Gertrude Stoat confronted Fred Weasel about their history overseas in a petting zoo reserved for Ferrets and their associates, Lipshitz Lambkin escaped his pen disguised as an artichoke at three in the morning and informed the Bulb Council that a tulip was hiding in a bed of daffodils… possibly armed with a fully loaded carrot…

Just as each chapter would end, instead of a resolution there would be a short addendum claiming “More Information Is Pending.” Within a week of publication and release to Children’s Book Stores, there were claims that government officials, intelligence agencies, and foreign embassies were deciphering all sorts of top secret “intel” hidden in the remarkably dull tales. And code breakers by the hundreds were assigned the task of figuring out anagrams from the characters’ names. The best they could come up with included “Queer Pooterzj”, “Commy Pinqbottum”, and “Haz Coootie derr”.  Even the name Amy Prentice only turned into “May Pet Nicer”, or “Meant Pricey”, or “Prince Meaty”… whatever…

[Want to read other stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmases That Mostly WEREN'T!"... some friendly advice...

Katey couldn’t believe Santa actually came up to her at the Fun Park Toy Fair… She had sat on his lap earlier and told him what she wanted for Christmas, and he had listened carefully and took some notes! And here he was again, smiling, laughing, and smelling like some kind of medicine… the kind that made Grampa laugh a lot during football games.

Santa said he was getting Katey the car she asked for, and that he was also giving her a bottle of his funny-medicine. He snuck it to her from under his red suit… and he told her it was okay to drink and drive. There wasn’t any such thing as a five-year-old policemen…

[Want to read other stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmases That Mostly WEREN'T!"... Rules are rules!

Janey forgot that Daddy said don't go sledding at the Grand Canyon... and Ted wasn't going to remind her...

[Want to read other stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmases That Mostly WEREN'T!"... Daddy's new wife...

It was the Christmas of 1961 when little Jacqui met Daddy's new wife, Mrs. Kelly. That's what she wanted Jacqui to call her for a little while longer, especially because Daddy had just met her at Thanksgiving when he went on a business trip to a place called Club Med. Daddy explained to Jacqui that sometimes grown-ups like a person right away and don't need to wait around to find out if they kiss good...

...so there they all were decorating the Christmas tree with Mrs. Kelly making martinis and drinking most of them, and Daddy laughing nervously but also drinking and sneaking kisses to the lady calling herself Mrs. Kelly. Jacqui was so happy decorating the tree with the shiny ornaments and twinkling lights. She didn't hear Mrs. Kelly whispering in Daddy's ear about how much better it might be if Jacqui decorated the tree by herself... maybe putting up some more lights or fixing the wires... while standing in a puddle...

[Want to read other stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]