...from Sybil Bruncheon's "EASTER EGGS-traordinaries"... The Eggs-sorcist!

"The Marshmallow Peeps of Syosset compels YOU!

The Cadbury eggs of Poughkeepsie compels YOU!

The Brach's classic jelly beans compels YOU!!"

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... from Sybil Bruncheon's "EASTER EGGS-traordinaries”… Celebrations on other worlds...

On the Planet Jrzzelkin 22*^pLotky, the inhabitants decided to collect examples of life from other worlds, especially during the alien species' festival-times and celebrations. Sadly, the Jrzzelkins sometimes confused one holiday with another... for instance, after they seized little Jeffy Crawford from the backyard of his home in Perrysburg, Ohio, the Jrzzelkins couldn't decide if they were supposed to use him as a piñata... or stuff him with herbs and bread crumbs...

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Sybil Bruncheon’s “My Merry Memoirs”… Easter 1986.

The New York Native, a weekly paper published in New York City. And there I was as their Easter season model for gifts and treats!! .....(um, yes, I got carried away when they pulled out the chocolates! But they hadn't fed any of the crew lunch!!...... bastards!)

(Photos and article by William Cullum) (Sybil’s gown by Cliff Boone and Morrie Breyer of A.Q.U.A.)

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Sybil Bruncheon's 31 Days of Halloween: "Biographies in Brief!... Uncle Fuzzy”…

Mr. Herbert Limpkin had the distinction at eight years of age of being the only person ever bitten by one of the cute little bunnies at the Oakleyville Presbyterian Petting Zoo… and during their Springtime “Let’s Meet Our Animal Friends Festival”. Imagine how little Herbie must have felt with his pudgy little hand throbbing and bleeding as he looked down at the hissing white bunny with the red eyes!... and there on the office wall of the zoo’s nurse, a poster of the Blesséd Savior in his heavenly white robe, surrounded by little animals and children, extending his crucified palms… and all of them smiling; Jesus, animals, children smiling right at Herbie as he begged Nurse Charmondely NOT to put in the three stitches! Of course she did, and gave him a tetanus shot as well, which hurt like Hell!...

… which also gave him his infernal idea… the idea he employed as an adult when he decided to be the Easter Bunny at the Halloween Holidays-in-Hell Barn in Akron, Ohio. High School and college kids from miles around came to the fabulously scary installation which ran from October 1st through Halloween night itself, ending in a massive costume party and dance and a contest with prizes! Interestingly, no one seemed to notice as the October days went by that Mr. Limpkin was getting weirder and more withdrawn from his fellow “ghouls” and “goblins” during their lunch and dinner breaks in the actors’ cafeteria. Authorities found out later that he spent hours every night after work “enhancing” his Easter Bunny costume with finger nails made from actual nails… and teeth made from drill bits and broken switchblades. Scarier and scarier… and finally quite horrifying according to the two managers and the director of the facility, shortly before Herbie brought the ax… and used it!!

Later, during his seven consecutive life-sentences, he created the Uncle Fuzzy Junior Jammies Company employing his sewing skills in the prison crafting lounge, making cozy pajamas for children. Uncle Fuzzy’s company slogan??... “Sweet Dreams Are Our Business!”…

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*Tour-ette on a freezing, rainy Monday after Easter Sunday... Where the Hell is Spring??? 4/18/2022

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Sybil Bruncheon's "An Earnest Prayer at the Holiday"…

Sybil drawing by Michael Margulies.

Oh, Lamb of Love! Oh, Prince of Infinite Wisdom and Unending Kindness… please find forgiveness in your Immeasurable Heart for me, an inveterate and unworthy sinner! I humbly make these requests that you patiently heal and cure me of my imperfections…

 1)   Please help me to resist haranguing willfully stupid people about their forlorn condition… specifically yelling, often in public places like cafés, sweet, little town squares, and make-up counters, that they are both stupid AND willful. Perhaps you could help me to only yell at them about being willful OR stupid, but never both at the same time.

2)   Please help me to be more open to the morons around me who reject 21st century learning and science. Perhaps they are right after all!... that the Earth is indeed flat, and that if we drive far enough in our pick-up trucks (the ones with the Confederate flag decals and the “I Like Beer” license plate) we will indeed fall off the edge!! Mightn’t they be correct? After all, how could or would God possibly make our planet a ball (of all shapes!) and then, more importantly need to figure out how to stick our feet all over it so we couldn’t fall off it? I mean, does he use invisible God-glue of some sort? How do people in Australia, and Tierra del Fuego, and the South Pole for Heaven’s sake?... How do they stay stuck to a ball? No, the flat-worlders in some way must be right, and why do I continue to try to convince them otherwise? Help me to stop. And don’t get me started on the Earth going around the Sun…

3)   Please help me to be more trusting of people who don’t believe that modern medicine can cure our ills. Why SHOULD we allow so-called doctors to stick needles into us? After all, how can anything that hurts actually be good for us? Why, it’s like we’re being turned into voo-doo dolls. And how do we know WHY they’re sticking us? What the Hell is IN those needles? And what’s all this talk about measles, tetanus, dip-dip-dip-whatever! And POLIO! I’ve never even KNOWN someone with polio! Maybe it’s not real, right?

4)   And lastly, oh, Lord, please help me to be as patient with the woefully mendacious, the assertively vile, the careless and cruel, the prideful and hubris-filled… even as you are patient with me. I thank you… and am infernally… er… eternally grateful!

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*Tour-ette from my back deck and some gardening ideas on Good Friday! 4/15/2022

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*Tour-ette from my little driveway-garden! Chilly nights.. and "witches' hair"... 4/12/2022

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Sybil Bruncheon’s Easter News From Around The World!!!...

Chagrin Falls, Ohio.....It was only when the "Easter Bunny" began foaming at the mouth and growling some sort of gibberish that the police were called. It was later discovered to be graphic anatomical terms about sexual organs recited in Yugoslavian, and spoken backwards. The Bunny's ears also appeared to be horns when viewed in a mirror in the precinct men’s room. A local priest, Father Aloysius Throckmorton was called to exorcise the Bunny, but when Holy Water was thrown on him, the smell of sulfur, burnt marshmallows, and Prince Matchabelli "Wind Song" forced an evacuation of the police headquarters for three hours.... a hazmat team was called, and the EPA sent its specially trained team. They made several attempts to get the Devil-Bunny to surrender quietly, but it resisted, and finally they were forced to open fire. With a shriek of laughter, it disappeared through the floor in a burst of bright pink sparks and flames. Where it had been standing, they found a small pile of scorched Easter basket “grass”….also bright pink… there may have been a decapitated head in its wooden bucket…. Or perhaps just a jumbo-sized Cadbury chocolate crème egg…… melting… melting!.. or was it hatching?

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Sybil Bruncheon's Easter News From Around The World!!!...

Easter, 2003: From a press photo showing (then) President George W. Bush and Vice-President Dick Cheney reaffirming their stand for family values and the virtues of prayer, charity, and universal love to an adoring crowd in Poka-Ma-Hola, Idaho. The local Shriners threw an ice cream sociable at the VFW Lodge. (Anti-war protesters were chased off with cattle-prods or shot with crossbows and Uzis)...

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