Sybil's "Big Stars On The Little Screen": Bob Ross...

Bob Ross had a speaking voice as effective as Thorazine...and his Do-It-At-Home painting programs were prescribed nationwide by the National Institute of the Emotionally Inconvenienced... within 68 seconds of the beginning of any one of his shows, entire asylums of shrieking lunatics, serial arsonists, and ferocious sex offenders would be curled up dozing comfortably and sucking their own thumbs. Finally, his shows were simply looped on closed circuit televisions, saving millions on mood altering and anti-psychotic medications. Sadly, it was discovered that over-exposure to his "happy little trees", "giggling little waterfalls", and "frisky little squirrels" could result in paralysis and even death. A ward nurse in Paramus left her patients alone and unattended with a Bob Ross marathon on PBS for a full eight hour shift, and returned to a catastrophic loss of life...and/or eyesight. She was tried and convicted of willful negligence, medical malpractice, and assault with a cheerful little brook… with intent to kill.

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