Sybil Bruncheon's Merry Memoirs: Chapter 18, "Funny Friends and Their Funny Ways"....

I knew a Melanie Farkakte on the McFeeney's Burlesque Circuit... she recited dirty haikus, played the trombone, and bent herself into surprisingly suggestive shapes... using oblong vegetables as her inspirations... Sadly, her arms had been paralyzed from a soap-box derby crash... and she'd lost her left leg in a potato-sack race gone-horribly-wrong at the Lucas County Fair... (she also happened to be an orthodox Jewish girl! She left the theatre at 4PM every Friday, did no shows on Saturday, and refused any boxes of chocolates or bouquets of flowers that contained shellfish or bacon! ...foolish girl!) She passed away suddenly at 43 years of age in the deadly Contagious Guilt Epidemic that struck Five Towns, Long Island during a Weight Watchers Convention...

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