SybilSez...

Sybil Bruncheon has been performing on stage, radio, TV, film, and in various Vaudeville, burlesque, church basement, county fair, and sideshow....uh..."venues" for most of her 29 years. She is available for bookings for just about anything and can be reached at bruncheon@hotmail.com and on her website sybilbruncheon.com. She is a proud member of the Actors Equity Association and the Screen Actors Guild. Her erdo number is 16.

With many thanks to my friend Jonathan Boorstein for finding this old photo: That's my identical twin, Dagmar, who entered a skiing competition in Vroče Žemljice, the famous and glamorous resort in Slovenia. Drugged and drunk as usual, she got on the wrong train and overnighted South into Italy to Venice!! The one thing I can say about my sister is that she never sulks... she's unsinkable much like Mummie... we got that quality from our Mother, deranged as she was.. Anyway, Dagmar challenged all the local gondoliers to a race and managed to... um... "water-ski" her way around the canals and win an impromptu marathon against twelve of the burliest gondola-guys. Peggy Guggenheim's mansion happened to be the finish line, and she invited everyone in for an extended weekend of "dining and debauchery" as she called it... I DO remember Dagmar's outfit in this photo along with various striped shirts, trousers, and... ahem... "underthings" floating in the canal in front of Peggy's the next morning. A side note; Peggy didn't have a trophy she could give Dagmar so she gave her a small Picasso of one of his wives looking like a guitar with both eyes on one side of her face and screaming about something. It was gorgeous!... Can you blame me for stealing it from Dagmar's guest bathroom a week later?? Can you???

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Bob Ross had a speaking voice as effective as Thorazine...and his Do-It-At-Home painting programs were prescribed nationwide by the National Institute of the Emotionally Inconvenienced... within 68 seconds of the beginning of any one of his shows, entire asylums of shrieking lunatics, serial arsonists, and ferocious sex offenders would be curled up dozing comfortably and sucking their own thumbs. Finally, his shows were simply looped on closed circuit televisions, saving millions on mood altering and anti-psychotic medications. Sadly, it was discovered that over-exposure to his "happy little trees", "giggling little waterfalls", and "frisky little squirrels" could result in paralysis and even death. A ward nurse in Paramus left her patients alone and unattended with a Bob Ross marathon on PBS for a full eight hour shift, and returned to a catastrophic loss of life...and/or eyesight. She was tried and convicted of willful negligence, medical malpractice, and assault with a cheerful little brook… with intent to kill.

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