SybilSez...

Sybil Bruncheon has been performing on stage, radio, TV, film, and in various Vaudeville, burlesque, church basement, county fair, and sideshow....uh..."venues" for most of her 29 years. She is available for bookings for just about anything and can be reached at bruncheon@hotmail.com and on her website sybilbruncheon.com. She is a proud member of the Actors Equity Association and the Screen Actors Guild. Her erdo number is 16.

The bonfire is the only decent home for him now... along with his bug-wife and the entire skank-litter. Under NO circumstances should any of them be separated from the others as families have been broken up at the Mexican border. No! They should remain united as they're... um... "relocated" into the flames. Period…

His bug-wife has begged to be spared, and after all, what has she done other than to be a cheap naked floozy from Vulgaria, or Snatchatola, or... Akron... whatever. No. Since she is friendly with her lady-parts, give her a balloon and a feather and let her do the hootchy-kootch for the USO…

His two oldest sons are clearly either rabid or mentally deficient... or both. Look at their drooling, hang-dog expressions, the flatness in the grinning eyes, and the neighing and mumbling when they speak. They are fit only to be used as piñatas and to be hit with sticks until either candy or poops come out. Period…

His younger children from an assortment of floozy-mothers and collaborators are also an issue. Are they guilty of any actual crimes? I say NO!... BUT! They are perfect for the factories where they can knit sweaters... or labor near huge machines with whirring gears, banging levers, and sharp edges. Or perhaps they enjoy circuses and carnivals!!! Are there no Dunk-The-Clown booths that need... um... "dunk-ettes"?... "dunkle-tinas"... "dunskins"...whatever. Take them away.

I feel I must draw the Revolutionary Tribunal's attention to the fact that his so-called "personal attorney" has been examined. He was discovered just this morning in his prison cell to be sporting a pair of horns and a bright red tail with a sharp point at the end. We suggest that both the horns and tail should be immediately scissored OFF, with or without anesthesia. Sadly, there is nothing we can do about the sulfur smell in the cell. Does anyone on the committee have a can of Febreze? (to be continued)

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