SybilSez...

Sybil Bruncheon has been performing on stage, radio, TV, film, and in various Vaudeville, burlesque, church basement, county fair, and sideshow....uh..."venues" for most of her 29 years. She is available for bookings for just about anything and can be reached at bruncheon@hotmail.com and on her website sybilbruncheon.com. She is a proud member of the Actors Equity Association and the Screen Actors Guild. Her erdo number is 16.

Lumpy Throckmorten was fat... no, really! REALLY FAT. He preferred synonyms, like "ample", "robust", "successful", "prosperous", and from lady friends and humans (again, of the female gender) "cuddly", "scrumptious", and "quite a handful", whatever the Hell THAT meant! At any rate, he was a demanding diner in his household and kept his human staff on their toes not only for the quantity of food that was required but also for the luxurious selection and variety of delicacies to keep him from his "hangry" rampages against fine collectibles, cashmere sweaters, state-of-the-art electronics, and expensive shoes (where he might hide a newly voided "surprise" during the night!) Sadly, Lumpy's weight continued to climb and climb, and on last Christmas, it finally hit 48 lbs. In addition to some angina and being frequently out of breath, even while napping and dreaming about Canadian bacon blintzes, he could barely groom himself without the help of his humans and their skill with special brushes and a blow-dryer.

It all came to a head on January 6th, when Lumpy ate an entire fruit cake with no regard for the fact that, like most human fruit cake, it had been re-gifted from one relative to another for several years. In addition to that, Lumpy had chewed and eaten both Caspar and Melchior upon their arrival at the blesséd stable and was about to start on Balthazar and the Holy Infant himself... in front of his horrified parents and various shepherds, candlemakers, tent-makers... whatever... Lumpy was rushed to the vet and into a private room in the Gentle-Touch Four-Legged 'Firmary where his stomach was pumped, his colon was cleansed, and where, later in the week, he was given a gastric bypass. His picture and story were in all the Veterinary Journals around New England... and in the centerfold of Highlights Magazine. You might have seen him at your dentist's office while you were in the waiting room!...

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