Tour-ette Minneapolis 1/10/2019 #1

Mummie goes for a stroll to get some cough syrup at 89 degrees below zero... or close enough! LOLOLOLOL!

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Tour-ette LaGuardia 1/9/2019

Sybil Bruncheon takes you on a little tour-ette at LaGuardia... we're off to Minneapolis again!

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Sybil's "Out 'n' About; News & Notions Around the Country!"…

The Ladies' Republican Club in Wayocaycucca, Ohio discussing their new season's agenda:

1) Which GOP Candidate Is Most Handsome?… and is he straight so we can introduce him to our daughters?

2) Should We Still Have Michele Bachmann Come For Our Valentine's Day Luncheon?... Mother's Day?... Halloween???... and will anyone remember who she is anyway?

3) Are Hats Coming Back Or Are They Too Reminiscent Of Mamie Eisenhower?... and was Mamie a Communist anyway?

4) Which Tulips For The New Spring Garden?... or do we hate the Dutch and the European Union??

5) Is It True That The Earth Is Actually Round???... and If So, What Should We Do About It?...

and 6) Should We Invite Some Of Those "Nice" Boys From The Lincoln-Log-Cabin-Club To Join Us Since They Think The Same Way We Do And Can Help Us With Our Hair???... any "seconds"... on the martinis??...

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Sybil's "ON THIS DATE... 1951"...

Boys and Girls, you might not be old enough to remember a time in schools when children like yourselves were taught a song called "Duck and Cover". It was about how if an atomic bomb ever exploded in your town, you should duck under your little desk and cover your head with your arms... or maybe your eyes with your little hands... whatever. But even before that, there was a funny song and game that grown-ups made up called Better Dead Than Red. The Army and the nice men at the CIA decided that if a bad country ever came to your town and wanted to kill everyone, then everyone should fall down and pretend to be dead already. This photo is of a class in Wauseon, Ohio taught by Mrs. Edith Edelin. She's doing the play-dead exercises that the Army and the President wanted us to learn. And here she's playing funny records of comedy and naughty songs to try to make any of the children laugh, and blink their eyes, and move around and show the bad people that they're really alive. Mrs. Edelin said that everyone had to be very still and think about sad things so they wouldn't laugh! Sometimes Mrs. Edelin would even walk around and poke or tickle someone… or whisper funny words in their ears… or tell them their kitty had been run over by a truck with a clown in it… or stab them with a thumbtack. "NO WRIGGLING! NO GIGGLING!", she would yell at the class. Unfortunately, little Mandy Polkoff did just that: giggle and wriggle, and Mrs. Edelin told everyone that Mandy would have gotten them all killed... or worse! That's when Sally-Anne Petrarca pushed Mandy down and yanked her pony-tail. And Jimmy Fannis took her Dale Evans lunch box and started eating the home-made brownies her grandma had made for her that weekend... right before she bumped her head... and died. And that is why, every day around the USA, classes of eight and nine year old children would spend their recess time, grabbing their throats, choking loudly, falling to the floor, and pretending to be dead... all for cookies and chocolate milk, and a special gold star on their "I'm A Play-Dead-Patriot" card at the end of each school year. And that was on this very date. Back in 1951!

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COME NOW, DON’T SULK!… 12/31/18

Hey there! Does the thought of another New Year's Eve party make you just want to KILL SOMEBODY!... yeah, me too!

[For recent broadcasts of COME NOW, DON’T SULK!, go to the top of the page and click on “Don’t Sulk”. And to find past seasons of Sybil’s shows, you can go to the COME NOW, DON’T SULK archive at the Here Be Monsters Network. Just click on this link: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/here-be-monsters]

Sybil Bruncheon's "ON THIS DATE... 1917"...

Boys and Girls, did you know that long before Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, or even Annette Funicello became Mouseteers, Walt Disney had created his special club for children. Sadly, it was in response to the horrors of World War I, and the club was invented with the Top Secret US Army Special Operations Forces. Here we see Clive Turnbyl and Phelicity Jabb (both 12) behind French battle lines, fully equipped with their state-of-the-art "Hear-It-All-Telescopic-Mustard-Gas-Detectors" ready to post alerts to the troops should the Germans begin another round of their fiendish warfare. When spotted in their bunkers by the Germans, it was assumed the children were doing musical morale shows for the troops. Interestingly, Disney didn't name his mouse characters Mickey and Minnie until ten years after the war concluded... prior to that, American military agents knew them only as Jedediah and Gretchen-Patrice Rattinski. It was George Marshall who told his pal Disney that "the names stink! Think of something happier!... with an M... for Marshall!"... And that was on this very date. Back in 1917!

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Sybil Bruncheon's "ON THIS DATE... 1877"...

Boys and Girls, did you know that a long time ago, your Mother didn't buy milk at a store? NO! A nice man would come to your house with a small metal rack holding glass bottles of milk with rubber stoppers in them!... Sometimes they might be stolen if you lived in a poor part of town and other mothers talked like pirates, or had an eye-patch, or BOTH! Sometimes the glass bottles might break when they were dropped or thrown, or even freeze in cold weather and explode if they were left out on your fire escape or back porch. But bottles were considered a big improvement over what came before... you see the very first delivery of milk to a home happened when Mr. Enoch Hamhacken actually drove his entire herd of Guernseys into Brooklyn, and left one on each doorstep of his clients for them to milk themselves. Then he would pick the cows up again that afternoon.

You can imagine how difficult that might have been on everyone. Some people were too busy to sit down and milk a cow. Some people were too squeamish or afraid. Some cows might be grumpy on a certain day, and either moo loudly, or even step on the poor customer. And what about nice Mr. Hamhacken? He got tired of carrying his cows up flights of stairs and trying to make them stay outside the Spinnelli's apartment and not walk over to the Lefkowitz's. And then there was the time when he had twenty customers in one tenement building, and the twenty cows he left formed a crazed stampede shortly before lunch and trampled thirteen people to death... all on the fourth floor! That story was on the front page of the Brooklyn World-Watcher Times... complete with horrifying photographs of the victims, squished beyond recognition and surrounded by now-placid cows munching happily on houseplants... And that was on this very date. Back in 1877!

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Hollywood Hysterical Histories"!... Homophobia! Even in a Galaxy Not So Long Ago, or Far Away...

Friends, we all like to think that the folks that make our movies are openminded and progressive, but it's time for all of us to face the reality of Hollywood's hidden homophobia! Case in point; the immensely successful, lucrative, and beloved Star Wars franchise which has now continued into dozens of spin-offs, sequels, and product licensing. Did you know that the new robot-character, BB8, a jolly, rotund re-imagining of the iconic R2D2, was originally a very different and flamboyant addition to the cast? BB8 was created as an openly gay intergalactic hairdresser-florist-wedding-cake-baker-party-planner with multi-directional laser capabilities, and full cosmetic application tools and attachments. BB8 was designed to arrange, host, and accessorize any gala or planetary festival while still disintegrating any wedding-crashers, drunken in-laws, or "bug-people". Sadly, George Lucas felt that the little robot was too flamboyant and... "faggy" during early audience testing. He was replaced by the more streamlined and "reserved" model, although the producers offered that his new orange striping was still "very festive". And his high-pitched voice kept him "child-like"...

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Sybil Bruncheon's Breaking News from the CNN news desk: Old faces in the new Congress....

As the new Congress assembles, we recognize many of the long-serving politicians who return to Washington's hallowed halls with their long-standing quirks and eccentricities for yet another term... Seen here are:

(top row, l. to r.)

1) Senator Filbert Crater III: a classic multi-generational politician from a long line of mayors, governors, Congressmen, and moonshiners dating back to the 1830s in his home state. Known for his drawling delivery and off-color jokes, but also a certain amount of charm that he ladles in huge portions on elderly society ladies and their young teen-age sons.

2) Representative Beauregaard Bogardus: notoriously overweight and garrulous gourmand who often brings a nine-course lunch to his desk and eats even while pacing the floor and proposing one bill after another on obesity among inner-city school children and replacing their lunch vouchers with glasses of recycled bath-water.

3) Congresswoman Kelly "Kiki" Tarroltown: former flight attendant and beauty-pageant winner in her home-state. Known for her twinkling eyes and ready smile, she is often portrayed as the "most charming" politician in Washington, and, after hours, the most likely to be found in the Senate's men's room sharing a smoke and a round of cards with “attentive older gentlemen”!

(middle row, l. to r.)

4) Senator Angus Aloysius O'Harrigan: fiery-tempered, red-headed, and prone to fistfights, even in the White House, O'Harrigan brags about his Irish heritage, his 13 children, and his docile wife, Margaret Marie, "who keeps to her kids, her kitchen, and her corset!". Amazingly, she still has her girlish figure despite the many years of domestic life, although she has been to a couple of society events with a black eye, and the occasional broken arm.

5) Congresswoman Nellie Gelliforth: accused of being too old and doddering to serve any longer, she has been re-elected 43 times. In spite of her quavering voice, trembling hands, scrawly handwriting, and wandering mind, the Congresswoman apparently also offers a certain "grandmotherly comfort" to even the most cynical of her critics, perhaps because of her home-made perfume that she always wears on the most confrontational days... she calls it "Cookie Jar".

6) Senator Thymus Phunt, Jr.: one of the stealthiest and most sinister of the "old guard", the senator has been associated with teamster rub-outs, guerrilla activity in undeclared overseas wars, secret arms-deals with Latin American despots, assassinations in Asian casinos, and arson in various Girl Scout cookie drives.

(bottom row, l. to r.)

7) Senator Gerald Edwin Capshat: perhaps the most energetic and animated of all Washington politicians, he’s seen here with one of his ever-present Congressional volumes on policy, rules, and arcana that make him one of the greatest strategists in government. He is best known for filibustering for weeks on end, tying up legislation, shutting down the entire government, ruining the reputations and hopes of his adversaries, and living on stale Saltine crackers and glasses of warm Tang. He was once observed to have gone without urinating for 72 hours, and then, only in a waste basket next to his brief case.

8) Congressman Liam Jolley: possibly the most likable man in the Capitol building, even the janitors and pages have declared him to be kind, friendly, and ready to shake hands with visitors and tourists. Jolley has managed to get lots of work done purely on goodwill and his ability to talk with just about anyone on either side of the aisle. Sadly, he also has been on the watch-list with office security personnel as a possible desk-thief. His misdemeanors include stealing paperclips, thumb-tacks, scotch tape (double-sided only!), lip sticks, mascaras, and personal hygiene products. His breath often smells like Elmer’s Glue and felt tip pens.

9) Congresswoman Gladys Germante: liberated and self-actualizing long before the Women’s Lib movement, Germante had been a lawyer and judge in her home state following a career as a frontier midwife and “ladies’ physician”. Known for her flinty approach to lawmaking and her ability to trade jokes and smoke cigars over brandy with “the boys”, she has remained a power to be reckoned with now in her 52nd year in Congress. Unfortunately, her thinning hair and gravely voice often result in her being addressed as “sir” by the new pages that bustle about the halls… secretly, it breaks her heart. 

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Tour-ette Tampa Bay 1/4/2019

Sybil Bruncheon takes you on a little tour-ette through the jungle... well... not exactly! ☺

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