Breaking News from the CNN News Desk: The New "Presidential Library"...

In anticipation of the building of the new trump presidential library, plans are being made for what books should be added to the 14 pages of his personal papers (and his tricycle). Apparently, the "intelligentsia" in trump's circle are reading the following books:

1) "Dick And Jane Meet The Moo-Cow"

2) "When Should You Say Thank-You?"

3) "Mommy Says Little Brother's Brain Is Broken"

4) "Monkeys Make Bad Smells From Their Bottoms... and So Does Grandpa"

5) "When I Drop Stuff, Does It Always Have To Fall On The Ground... Like Our Baby?"

6) "Uncle Ned Shoots Things And Sometimes We Eat Them... or Hang Them On The Bathroom Wall"

7) "When I Go To Sleep, Do I Die For a Short Time, Or Just Wet The Bed?"

8) "Is Drooling Always Bad?"

9) "My Friend Carl Put On A Dress and I Told Him He Was Pretty"

10) "When Fruits and Vegetables Look Like Daddy's Funny Part"

...all of these books are published by the Children's World Is Flat Library... a subsidiary of the Highlights and Jack & Jill magazine publishing empire that serves reputable dentists everywhere.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "People In Poetry"... page 91. ... "Dear Little Nancy on Voting Day!"...

Dear Little Nancy liked to skip and play.

Did she keep her Promises? No one could say.

Nancy said she’d register to VOTE and do her Duty.

But Mondays she always devoted to her day of Beauty.

Tuesdays are for visiting and chatting over Lunch!

Wednesdays are for Shopping and a large Rum Punch!

And don’t you know that Thursday’s a fine day to rest?

And then it’s time for Friday! Please don’t be a Pest!

Here it is the Weekend, and Friends have come to Town.

Time to have a Picnic and wear a Gingham Gown.

Day by Day and Week by Week, her Duty she’d forgotten.

And Folks began to gossip now, her Reputation rotten.

The months slid by, from Spring to Fall, her Duty ne’er remembered.

And finally it was Voting Day, the first Tuesday in November.

Dear Nancy came to the Polling Place, but was promptly turned away.

The nice Ladies there said, “Your name’s not here! You clearly mayn’t stay!”

But Nancy fussed and stamped her Feet and loudly made a Row!

“I care not what y’ say to me! I’ve come to VOTE right now!”

A nice Policeman passing by did seize her by her hair,

and swung her high around his Head and threw her through the Air.

She came down KOOOSH! upon the ground, some 20 feet or so.

An hour later she awoke, quite cross, and moaning low.

A kindly Lady passing by asked her what was wrong.

And Nancy told her Tale of woe, which really was much too long.

The Lady smiled and helped her up and invited her to tea.

“The polls are closed. You did not VOTE. You come along with me.”

They walked eleven miles or so, and down a Country lane,

And into woods so dark and deep. Then it began to rain.

Dear Nancy said that she was tired and longed to have a Rest.

The kindly Lady pointed to her Cottage on the Crest.

They tumbled in out of the rain to get so warm and cozy.

The House was sweet, and very clean and smelled of Spice and Posy.

“Now let me put a Kettle on, and you play with both my kitties.

Their names are Biff and Lancelot! Come along my little pretties!”

Nancy reached out to pet the Pair, but Biff gave her some Nips.

She pulled her bleeding Hand away, and Lancelot licked his lips.

She tried again to be a Friend and promptly got some Scratches.

The Lady then walked in the room and brought a box of Matches.

“I said before you did not VOTE! You did not pick a winner!

You did not do your Duty dear, and now you’ll be our Dinner!”.

The Lady lunged at Nancy then and gave her quite a Fright!

She grabbed her hem, and lit a match and set her dress alight.

Dear Nancy jumped and yowled so! Imagine her dismay.

It crossed her mind, “It’s Tuesday though! It’s Lunch and Visit day!”.

The flames leaped higher, higher then and burned her to a crisp

With little hissing “essing” sounds, (Nance always had a lisp!)

The Lady stuffed her full of peas, some carrots and a shallot.

Poor Nancy might have saved herself if she’d only cast a ballot.

She ended up inside their tummies, don’t think me too uncouth.

Just think how nice it might have been inside a Voting Booth.

Well that’s our tale of Nancy, dear. And Darlings, Please take note!

When Mummie says she loves you so, GO REGISTER AND VOTE!

(from SybilSez.com and Sybilbruncheon.com)

Sybil Bruncheon's Breaking News from the CNN news desk: Old faces in the new Congress....

As the new Congress assembles, we recognize many of the long-serving politicians who return to Washington's hallowed halls with their long-standing quirks and eccentricities for yet another term... Seen here are:

(top row, l. to r.)

1) Senator Filbert Crater III: a classic multi-generational politician from a long line of mayors, governors, Congressmen, and moonshiners dating back to the 1830s in his home state. Known for his drawling delivery and off-color jokes, but also a certain amount of charm that he ladles in huge portions on elderly society ladies and their young teen-age sons.

2) Representative Beauregaard Bogardus: notoriously overweight and garrulous gourmand who often brings a nine-course lunch to his desk and eats even while pacing the floor and proposing one bill after another on obesity among inner-city school children and replacing their lunch vouchers with glasses of recycled bath-water.

3) Congresswoman Kelly "Kiki" Tarroltown: former flight attendant and beauty-pageant winner in her home-state. Known for her twinkling eyes and ready smile, she is often portrayed as the "most charming" politician in Washington, and, after hours, the most likely to be found in the Senate's men's room sharing a smoke and a round of cards with “attentive older gentlemen”!

(middle row, l. to r.)

4) Senator Angus Aloysius O'Harrigan: fiery-tempered, red-headed, and prone to fistfights, even in the White House, O'Harrigan brags about his Irish heritage, his 13 children, and his docile wife, Margaret Marie, "who keeps to her kids, her kitchen, and her corset!". Amazingly, she still has her girlish figure despite the many years of domestic life, although she has been to a couple of society events with a black eye, and the occasional broken arm.

5) Congresswoman Nellie Gelliforth: accused of being too old and doddering to serve any longer, she has been re-elected 43 times. In spite of her quavering voice, trembling hands, scrawly handwriting, and wandering mind, the Congresswoman apparently also offers a certain "grandmotherly comfort" to even the most cynical of her critics, perhaps because of her home-made perfume that she always wears on the most confrontational days... she calls it "Cookie Jar".

6) Senator Thymus Phunt, Jr.: one of the stealthiest and most sinister of the "old guard", the senator has been associated with teamster rub-outs, guerrilla activity in undeclared overseas wars, secret arms-deals with Latin American despots, assassinations in Asian casinos, and arson in various Girl Scout cookie drives.

(bottom row, l. to r.)

7) Senator Gerald Edwin Capshat: perhaps the most energetic and animated of all Washington politicians, he’s seen here with one of his ever-present Congressional volumes on policy, rules, and arcana that make him one of the greatest strategists in government. He is best known for filibustering for weeks on end, tying up legislation, shutting down the entire government, ruining the reputations and hopes of his adversaries, and living on stale Saltine crackers and glasses of warm Tang. He was once observed to have gone without urinating for 72 hours, and then, only in a waste basket next to his brief case.

8) Congressman Liam Jolley: possibly the most likable man in the Capitol building, even the janitors and pages have declared him to be kind, friendly, and ready to shake hands with visitors and tourists. Jolley has managed to get lots of work done purely on goodwill and his ability to talk with just about anyone on either side of the aisle. Sadly, he also has been on the watch-list with office security personnel as a possible desk-thief. His misdemeanors include stealing paperclips, thumb-tacks, scotch tape (double-sided only!), lip sticks, mascaras, and personal hygiene products. His breath often smells like Elmer’s Glue and felt tip pens.

9) Congresswoman Gladys Germante: liberated and self-actualizing long before the Women’s Lib movement, Germante had been a lawyer and judge in her home state following a career as a frontier midwife and “ladies’ physician”. Known for her flinty approach to lawmaking and her ability to trade jokes and smoke cigars over brandy with “the boys”, she has remained a power to be reckoned with now in her 52nd year in Congress. Unfortunately, her thinning hair and gravely voice often result in her being addressed as “sir” by the new pages that bustle about the halls… secretly, it breaks her heart. 

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