Sybil Bruncheon's People and Poetry...

Puckered lips and rasping snarl, Squinty eyes and ready quarrel, Crab-like gestures, orange pout, Greasy handshake, bulbous snout.

Cotton candy ‘stead of hair. Bloated torso but no heart there. Sawed in half you’d find some guts, Jimmy Hoffa, a stack of smuts.

And when he slithers ‘cross the floor, There’s a trail of slime, and maybe gore. He’ll grab your privates; no invite needed. Repeated lawsuits, threats unheeded.

Billions? Millions? Maybe less. Angst and anger, viral stress. He lives for fame and adoration. And bilks his minions, rapes the nation.

“I’ll drain the swamp! I swear! I promise. And appoint fair judges, like Clarence Thomas." Thanks, red-voters, for your behemoth-mess… Who is this monster? Can you guess?

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Breaking (and Broken!) News... from CNN... This just in!...

Indicted George Santos from NY's 3rd congressional district has increased his delusional claims even in the face of 13 criminal charges against him concerning a host of felonies totaling hundreds of years in prison should he be found guilty... the following claims are now added to his past ones;

1] He claims to be a 3000 lb. turnip capable of feeding hundreds of vegans should a famine hit the Trump owned golf club at Ferry Point in the Bronx, NY... Santos stated that Trump will be renaming Ferry Point to "Fairy Point" because, after all, Santos is gay... and a lesbian as well!

2] He claims that not only are his parents Jewish but they have been Jewish for millions of years, dating back to the Jurassic Period... He stated that his parents are so Jewish, that they will make themselves into huge portions of chicken soup to cure the world permanently of the common cold.

3] He claims that, as a baby, he was the first example of Artificial Intelligence. Sadly, his gears and pulleys were extremely uncomfortable for his mother to pass through her uterus and vagina "despite heavy lubrication with Quaker State Motor Oil"... and Hellmann's Mayonnaise. He has assured his congressional district that he will pick up all the expenses for his double AA batteries... from Energizer!... after all, he IS the model for the Energizer Bunny!

4] He claims that although he is not the second coming of the Messiah, he IS the second coming of a kosher baloney sandwich served at the Last Supper... right there in the painting to the left of the Apostles Paul... and Kim Kardashian. Hold the mustard!

5] He claims that he's a kitty, or possibly a monkey crossed with a kitty... and an egg... but an Easter Egg!!… or a Faberge Egg!…

6] He claims that he can grow kilim rugs on his body, and provide luxury interior design services to wealthy contributors to his campaign. If a client prefers sisal, he'll be happy to eat straw for a few weeks for special orders... please bring your own lawnmower...

7] He claims that he is an as-yet-undiscovered planet in our own solar system. When he finally is discovered, he DOES insist on being announced by Neil deGrasse Tyson, Carl Sagan, or Galileo... even if one of them is dead.. or two... whatever. He also insists on being named "Big Round Boy"... or "Mr. Sparkly"... he will have a moon or two... made of cheese.

8] He claims that although he is gay, it is only on Tuesdays.. and he still likes women and... cement.

Stay tuned for more claims, verifiable or not. Details at 6. Electro-convulsive therapy at 11.

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Sybil Bruncheon’s “I Had A Dream”...

… Breaking News from the CNN News Desk:
Donald Trump has been killed in a fiery car crash involving a Good Humor truck and 400lbs of Creamsicles. He awakens in a strange bedroom with all the doors and windows bricked over and no exits. On the side table is a copy of Jean Paul Sartre's play "Huis Clos". The lines for Joseph Garcin are underlined with a note saying Trump should learn them immediately... or not... whatever. Suddenly, from under the bed, Sarah Huckabee and Kellyanne Conway climb out and reveal that they are to play the roles of Inès Serrano and Estelle Rigault... or not... whatever. The role of the Valet is to be played by Mike Pence... who doesn't show up. There is an increasing smell of sulfur and farts along with extreme heat, and muffled laughter coming from inside the walls... or possibly mooing. The voice of Rod Serling is heard explaining that no, this is not a dream... and it's permanent. Whatever.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Holiday Recipes... St. Patrick's Day!"...

For those of you who hate corned beef and cabbage but don't mind the gas and bad smells, we offer this alternative! Breaking News from the CNN news desk: The RNC has revealed that, in celebration of the president's soon-to-be return to the White House, they have invented an official recipe for the upcoming victory parties on election night! Their... um, "recommendation" is that all loyal Americans prepare, serve, and finish this delightful creation; a melding of recipes from the Sears Catalog Cook Book of 1946 (the president's birth year) and some hand-me-down recipes from Slovenia, the first lady's birthplace, (although there are rumors that she is from Uranus.) The RNC has suggested that the dish should be served with little toothpicks, paper umbrellas, and frankfurters... but NOT the mini ones!!... y'understand? NOT THE MINIS!!! Details at 6. The Heimlich maneuver at 11.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "NEWS ITEMS FROM THE DISTANT FUTURE"!!! February 18th, 2219.....

... and here we have a photograph from 200 years ago... of what some historians believe is the president of a country formerly known as "The United States of America", since swallowed up into the pan-continental Northern Atlantic Corporate Brotherhood. This image was uncovered from the rubble of one of the cities involved in the Great War of 2028, and it is still not clear which one of the figures was the president... and which one was the wife...

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Sybil Bruncheon’s 31 Days of Halloween: Halloween Game Time"...

Which caption goes with which picture? A or B??

1) I'm stinky and might cause you to get warts or even a bad sore on your private place if you picked me up and put me in your underpants.

2) I make bad sounds not just at night, but all day long. They sound like the noises grampa makes from both his mouth and inside his pants when he's asleep. Or even during the day if he eats beans or gramma's sauerkraut.

3) Even if the most beautiful Princess in the world kissed me, again and again, even all over my body, I would never, ever turn into a handsome Prince... or even a Prince of any sort... not even a really stinky ugly Prince... but her lips might fall off.

4) I like to jump on ladies at parties or even in a restaurant or a hospital and grab them in their lady-place. But don't worry; they let me because maybe they didn't read that I can give them warts or sores... or maybe it's because they like money.

5) I have lots of children because I have lots of wives... and my children have tails when they're born and make bad sounds and smells just like their daddy. I've tried to eat some of them at first, but their mommies stop me... I still give them money so I can grab the girl children... or even lick them.

6) I catch flies with my tongue, not to eat them. I would never eat a fly because they have germs... but I do like to lick them.

7) all of the above.

(answers on page 31 of Highlights Magazine in your Dentist's office... but we'll give you a hint; The answer was never B.)

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Sybil Bruncheon's Tales From Other Worlds... or... Are They?...

"Pathetic Earth creatures! We have come a great distance from another world. Our own planet was not enough for our delights. We have eaten our pets, burned our forests, gouged our mountains, and soiled our oceans. It was great fun, but now we want to do the same to yours. Offer us your abundant plenty, and we will allow you to protect one of your puny offspring from our kitchens during our feast time. One youngling only! In honor of our own beloved Spawn, who we hatched from his larva-sack and crowned as our pupa-prince. Note his oh-so-delicate fore-pincers; small and very sophisticated, and how he waves them about when he harangues his hive-ettes. Worship him and obey his whims lest you incur his righteous wrath. Build huge hive-walls to protect him from brown-things... and tremble in awe of his mighty cranium-pod covered in orange bug-silk! Bzzzzzzzz!!!!!!"

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Breaking News from the CNN News Desk: The New "Presidential Library"...

In anticipation of the building of the new trump presidential library, plans are being made for what books should be added to the 14 pages of his personal papers (and his tricycle). Apparently, the "intelligentsia" in trump's circle are reading the following books:

1) "Dick And Jane Meet The Moo-Cow"

2) "When Should You Say Thank-You?"

3) "Mommy Says Little Brother's Brain Is Broken"

4) "Monkeys Make Bad Smells From Their Bottoms... and So Does Grandpa"

5) "When I Drop Stuff, Does It Always Have To Fall On The Ground... Like Our Baby?"

6) "Uncle Ned Shoots Things And Sometimes We Eat Them... or Hang Them On The Bathroom Wall"

7) "When I Go To Sleep, Do I Die For a Short Time, Or Just Wet The Bed?"

8) "Is Drooling Always Bad?"

9) "My Friend Carl Put On A Dress and I Told Him He Was Pretty"

10) "When Fruits and Vegetables Look Like Daddy's Funny Part"

...all of these books are published by the Children's World Is Flat Library... a subsidiary of the Highlights and Jack & Jill magazine publishing empire that serves reputable dentists everywhere.

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Breaking News from the CNN News Desk: Clowning around...

Hollywood releases plans for another remake of Stephen King's IT and holds open calls for the role of Pennywise the Dancing Clown. Thwarting his cabinet's advice, the president declared that, as an actor, he had "great and unmatched wisdom" for auditioning. "After all, look how I played myself on The Apprentice... or the Sorcerer's Apprentice... or... whatever!".

Greeted by hooting, pointing, and raucous laughter, mostly by interns and cleaning staff, the president was turned away from the casting office as soon as he walked in, but he was offered a dinner theater tour of BLOW ME A POODLE-BALLOON, the musical biography of Twinkle the Birthday Clown who died in a fiery clown-car crash with 47 co-workers. The catastrophe nearly wiped out the entire children's birthday-party industry in the 1950s. The whole score is played on a calliope... and an assortment of trained-seal horns. Details at 6. Cream pies at 11.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Mythology In Our Time"... The Kraken...

Oh, Perseus, handsome and brave, we beseech thee to return once again from the Heavens! To surrender your dazzling constellation of twinkling stars in the first quadrant of the Northern night sky, and take up human form once more, if only for a brief time. Son of Zeus himself, hero of the great myths, rouse yourself from well-deservéd slumber and leave your lovely Andromeda and her mother, the vain and foolish Cassiopeia! Bridle once again your glorious Pegasus and take flight! Bring forth the monstrous and fatal head of Medusa, vile snake-headed Gorgon, whose terrible gaze can turn any and all to stone. Come, bold and clever champion, ride the skies, and destroy the Kraken that has infected and ruined our own time! Thrust Medusa's loathsome visage into the hideous, sneering, and yowling face of our own modern-day monster who we dared to invite against wiser counsel. We thank thee and offer our meagre, mortal gratitude which can never, ever be enough for your aid in our salvation. And when you have plunged the reeking filth that aspires to claim our souls back into the roiling sea or some fiery pit where it belongs, we will honor and bless you on your journey back home to the starry Heavens, to the arms of your beautiful Andromeda, and to the company of the Gods and fantastic beasts that whirl softly round and round in their mysterious sky-dance, as they have since the beginning of time itself... and will ever do so... even to the end.

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