Sybil Bruncheon's "NEWS ITEMS FROM THE DISTANT FUTURE"!!! February 18th, 2219.....

... and here we have a photograph from 200 years ago... of what some historians believe is the president of a country formerly known as "The United States of America", since swallowed up into the pan-continental Northern Atlantic Corporate Brotherhood. This image was uncovered from the rubble of one of the cities involved in the Great War of 2028, and it is still not clear which one of the figures was the president... and which one was the wife...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "NEWS ITEMS FROM THE DISTANT FUTURE"!!!

February 18th, 2317..... and here we have an artifact that has just been excavated from possibly 300 or so years ago... Archaeologists believe it may be the remains of a political figure of some sort as it was found on the site of what may have been the so-called White House in the former "United States of America", but which we now know as the pan-continental Northern Atlantic Corporate Brotherhood. Much of what we surmise about this period was buried in the Great Wars of 2020, 2031, 2044, and in the final ecological catastrophe of 2097 in which most of the world's 131 trillion people died of starvation, ennui, and heat rash....

However, this lucky person died long before that in a relatively calm time, although the expression on his face, the pursing of his lips, and his orange coloring indicates a sour temperament...and possibly the old maladies of dyspepsia, dropsy, carbuncles, and gout....

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SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... #51....

SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... yes, folks, it's that time again when I make my predictions for the New Year and those mysterious days lying ahead of us...

Prediction #51: In this next year, the cost of housing both for sale and rental will continue to skyrocket! As super-wealthy politicians like former Mayors Mike Bloomberg and Rudy Giuliani of NYC and most of the Republican Senators and Congressmen in Washington continue to ignore the crisis and even aggravate it, some innovative designers will create new alternatives for urban dwellers. Just because a modest one-bedroom apartment will rent for over $12,000 a month in a bad neighborhood doesn't mean that we won't be able to have some basic and even cute touches in our homes; for instance, your "kitchen" is actually an end-table in your living room?...why not this sleek Mini-Kitchen the size of an overnight case!? It makes every part of a delicious breakfast for you in minutes, and clean-up is a snap!

Of course, with a solution like this for kitchens, the logical step is that living rooms will be reduced to the size of a roll-on suitcase, bedrooms will be storage boxes, and a bathroom will be a Maxwell coffee can and a ladle. ...On the plus side though, there will be no more need for real estate agents! People will simply shop for their new apartments at Walmart! ...in the "Storage", "Travel", and "Grocery" aisles.... Your new home will all fit neatly into a single shopping cart! 

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SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... #10....

SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... yes, folks, it's that time again when I make my predictions for the New Year and those mysterious days lying ahead of us...

Prediction #10: In this next year, there will be some very good news! Increasing feelings of brotherhood between different races, religions, creeds, and nationalities will result in a huge wave of "humanism" first espoused by, of all things, ANIMALS! In Polka-Ma-Hola, Mississippi, in a surprise election coup, the new Grand Imperial Dragon Emperor Wizard of the National Ku Klux Klan will be an affable mixed breed named Scritchy. Belonging to the Hottler family of 1312 Sackett Lane, he will assume his new title today, New Years Day at 12 Noon. When interviewed by local news crews, Enid Hottler (11 years old) stated that no one in the family had known that Scritchy had ever been a member of the Ku Klux Klan, "..but then he often would go out by himself on weekend nights and not come home till Monday!".

Scritchy himself has told the press that his agenda in the Ku Klux Klan of the new millennium will be to turn all their attention away from Jewish people ("They always talk intelligently to cats about European literature and philosophy!"), African Americans ("They're great cuddlers and let you lick frosting!"), Catholics ("Who doesn't like Italian leftovers?"), and Gays ("They're obsessed with fabulous kitty-accessories! How do you like my new Grand Wizard cape...with the glitter-embellishments?")....

Scritchy also stated that the new Ku Klux Klan would now focus on civic activities like alleyway "sing-alongs”, extensive tree and leg rubbing, and human-face purring at 6 in the morning. He would also ask the national council to begin a reign of terror on objects that need to be gradually pushed off counters, on computer keyboards that need to be used as cushions, and on various garden bugs that need to be brought into the house and played with in front of shrieking owners.

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SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... #49....

SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... yes, folks, it's that time again when I make my predictions for the New Year and those mysterious days lying ahead of us...

Prediction #49: In this next year, due to a worldwide famine, the Food Network will have to boost its sagging ratings by easing aside their regular stable of chefs in favor of more glamorous Hollywood stars! Stars with iconic pasts, great physical appeal, and perhaps just a touch of domestic neurosis!... especially during turkey carving, carrot dicing, and even clean-up time after chopping stuff!

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SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... #18....

SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... yes, folks, it's that time again when I make my predictions for the New Year and those mysterious days lying ahead of us...

Prediction #18: In this next year, food will become scarcer, and by next year, it will be considered very valuable!...and rare! Consequently, the scientific community will use all of its remaining resources and brain power to create small table-top time-machines at farmers markets, fresh produce stands, and urban cafes! For a fee, familiar food items from the past will be transported through the space/time continuum to the lucky buyer. Sadly, because the cost will be so prohibitive, any food brought into our dimension will immediately be varnished and framed for public viewing....NOT EATING! And only the rich will be able to avail themselves of this luxury!! Fresh Direct will become a branch of NASA, and every Whole Foods will be renamed BLACK-HOLE FOODS….

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SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... #7....

SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... yes, folks, it's that time again when I make my predictions for the New Year and those mysterious days lying ahead of us...

Prediction #7: In this next year, with growing interest in mass transit and the gradual disappearance of private vehicles, city bus design will become more and more streamlined. Indeed, with greater rider-ship, the buses will be made longer and longer, almost resembling futuristic rocket ships or ocean liners. By 2023, most city buses will be over 800' long, and commuters will simply board at one end, greet the driver, pay their fare, and then walk to the other end of the bus and "exit out the back please". Needless to say, this will save considerably on ANY fuel being used at all; and, with all the long-distance walking, the 21st century obesity and heart-disease issues will become a thing of the past!; a total Win-Win situation!!

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SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... #66....

SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... yes, folks, it's that time again when I make my predictions for the New Year and those mysterious days lying ahead of us...

Prediction #66: In this next year, with the oncoming famine, animals both domestic and in the wild will disappear. Tragically, trusting household pets will be the first to go. Formerly loving owners will first turn on their aquarium fish, reptiles, snakes, iguanas, then small and very cute rodents, then parakeets and the larger bird species, and finally dogs and cats! The heartbreak will rend society's very fabric. Families will be torn asunder. And the morals and basic laws of civilization will begin to vanish. For the few who can maintain their sanity in the face of all this loss, the creation of "Fashion-Accessories-As-Pets" will open new vistas for comfort and companionship. ..... By 2023, all Petland Discount Stores will be converted to Pradas.

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SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... #24...

SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... yes, folks, it's that time again when I make my predictions for the New Year and those mysterious days lying ahead of us...

Prediction #24: In this next year in Asia, as all dogs and indeed every other kind of animal in both wild and domesticated species are eaten, humans will once again have to turn to cannibalism since they will be the only remaining thing to eat. More sophisticated diners will come up with a delightful new culinary treat!... Eating THEMSELVES! Festive evenings out at a fancy restaurant will entail picking which part of your anatomy you'd like the chef to prepare, and then enjoying a nice aperitif with friends before "dinner". And what a wonderful way to stick to your diet! The weight comes off every time you dine!....LITERALLY!!!...

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SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... #53....

SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... yes, folks, it's that time again when I make my predictions for the New Year and those mysterious days lying ahead of us...

Prediction #53: As the country's Middle and Working Classes gradually become a massive impoverished throng milling about in the suburbs, all creature comforts and entertainment will vanish. Flat screen televisions will be used as cheese boards for non-existent hors d'oervres and crackers made from leaves, twigs, and top soil. People will be forced to return to conversation, humming songs, and drawing pictures on cave walls. Of course, some intrepid souls may attempt to start up new companies that specialize in diversions like party games! Here, a woman living near Park Avenue tries to recreate all the fun of Jenga for a New Year's Eve get-together...

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