Sybil Bruncheon’s 31 Days of Halloween: Size doesn’t matter?...

Breaking News From the CNN News Desk: Former president Trump, in an effort to prove his "great and unmatched wisdom" and normal-sized hands, submitted himself to a mysterious Ukrainian scientist, Dr. Подих Пеніса, for help. Villagers near Dr. Пеніса's castle report deafening explosions, flashes of lightning, and loud barnyard sounds. Details of the doctor's experiments have been sketchy at best, and at worst, most disturbing. Apparently, some preliminary experiments were tried out on the president's cabinet members first with horrifying results. Hundreds of villagers and local military members have taken to the hills with torches, pitchforks, and rocket launchers to locate the president and subdue him if necessary, after reports of him drowning and even eating children, various house pets, and unattended Hummels. Details at 6. Mittens at 11.

[Want to read other stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil Bruncheon’s 31 Days of Halloween: Clowning Around...

Breaking News from the CNN News Desk: Hollywood releases plans for another remake of Stephen King's IT and holds open calls for the role of Pennywise the Dancing Clown. Thwarting his cabinet's advice, the president declared that, as an actor, he had "great and unmatched wisdom" for auditioning. "After all, look how I played myself on The Apprentice... or the Sorcerer's Apprentice... or... whatever!".

Greeted by hooting, pointing, and raucous laughter, mostly by interns and cleaning staff, the president was turned away from the casting office as soon as he walked in, but he was offered a dinner theater tour of BLOW ME A POODLE-BALLOON, the musical biography of Twinkle the Birthday Clown who died in a fiery clown-car crash with 47 co-workers. The catastrophe nearly wiped out the entire children's birthday-party industry in the 1950s. The whole score is played on a calliope... and an assortment of trained-seal horns… and a chorus of whoopee-cushions. Details at 6. Cream pies at 11.

[Want to read other stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil Bruncheon's 31 Days of Halloween: …"and leave the driving to us!"…

BREAKING NEWS from the CNN news desk… Steve Bannon and the Alt-Right Travelers Bureau announce the new Whites-Only Bus Lines. ….just think, folks! No more of those meddling minorities sulking about having to move to the back of the bus. Now, with the W.O.B.L. there IS no back of the bus! Every seat is First Class, and only the salted peanuts are second-class! YEEE-HAW!!! Our many travel hubs include Buttsmel, Indiana; Polka-Ma-Hola, Iowa; Monkey-Pudding, Nebraska; Three-Teeth, Arkansas; and Shitzpantz, Ohio. All the romantic stops along the Red States Riviera! Make your reservations at 247-867-7555. That's right, just dial C-H-R-U-M-P-S-K-K-K. The nice man in the pillowcase will tell you how to order… Details at 6. Spray starch at 11.

[Want to read other stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil Bruncheon’s “Thanksgivings Past”… Breaking News from the CNN News Desk: A Reprieve...

The president and first lady have been violently attacked shortly after a press conference in the rose garden! The couple had just presided over the annual pardoning of the Thanksgiving turkey, in this case TWO turkeys named "Bread" and "Butter".
Mr. and Mrs. Trump had returned to their residence in their part of the White House when bloodcurdling screams and pleas for mercy were heard echoing through the halls by the serving staff. Secret Service officers were called, and the Trumps were found hideously disfigured with gouged out eyes. The President was discovered in his bathroom missing his hair as well, and Mrs. Trump was located near a garden shed with the words "Bug-Wife" scrawled in what looked like bloody claw scratchings. The turkeys were nowhere to be found nor was their luggage in the Lincoln Bedroom where they were to be guests for the Holiday weekend.
Police are questioning everyone involved with the ceremony including the farm where Bread and Butter lived prior to their celebrity in the nation's capital. Investigations are also being opened at the incubator where they were both raised as orphans and where there may be some evidence of juvenile records of violence or sexual deviancy that might have been sealed. Details at 6. Cranberry Sauce at 11.

[Want to read other stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil Bruncheon's "We've Got a Nose for News!!"...

… from the White House. Donald Trump, in a fit of despondency over growing scandals, reports of criminal activities, possible charges of treason, and both a failing presidency and marriage, was just sighted blowing his brains out in the oval office. Medical personnel were on hand immediately but tragically they could not restore all of his brain matter either from his index finger or from under the edge of the desk where apparently he had been hiding much of it over the last few months. Details at 6. Kleenex at 11.

[Want to read other stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil Bruncheon's Breaking News from the CNN News Desk!...

Rep. Jim Jordan of Ohio and Rep. Devin Nunes of California left the congressional hearings today shrieking and yowling about which one is the more savage with the Democrats, more terrifying in their search for conspiracies, and more deserving of cuddling and snacks from the president tonight! Each has threatened to tear witnesses limb from limb and to scorch the press with flames and smelly gas... (from both ends). Ambassadors, under-secretaries, and even fellow gop committee members have been seen fleeing with smoke inhalation, singed clothing, and even 2nd and 3rd degree burns. Still, with so many more days of testimony scheduled, there is no guarantee that either a winner will be declared between them or that Washington will survive the contest. The potus has tweeted that he has never been happier with a pet he has rescued from the local ASPCA. "Who wants some f*cking dog like Obama and Bush and those other Commie saps. I got something that'll EAT there damn dogs!". Details at 6. Unguentine at 11.

[Want to read other stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil Bruncheon's "Joan Crawford Birthday Festival!"...

"It's MY Birthday, you jiggling bag of monkey-pudding!...Now get outta here, and come back on Loser Day!"

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil Bruncheon's "NEWS ITEMS FROM THE DISTANT FUTURE"!!!

February 18th, 2317..... and here we have an artifact that has just been excavated from possibly 300 or so years ago... Archaeologists believe it may be the remains of a political figure of some sort as it was found on the site of what may have been the so-called White House in the former "United States of America", but which we now know as the pan-continental Northern Atlantic Corporate Brotherhood. Much of what we surmise about this period was buried in the Great Wars of 2020, 2031, 2044, and in the final ecological catastrophe of 2097 in which most of the world's 131 trillion people died of starvation, ennui, and heat rash....

However, this lucky person died long before that in a relatively calm time, although the expression on his face, the pursing of his lips, and his orange coloring indicates a sour temperament...and possibly the old maladies of dyspepsia, dropsy, carbuncles, and gout....

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]  

Sybil Bruncheon's "HEADLINES FROM AROUND THE WORLD!"... Thawing Out!

Spring Weather Update – Moscow, April, 2019: ...and today in the news, even as relations between Russia and the US seemed to be freezing over, Trixitina, the much-beloved circus bear lumbered out of her cave at the Moscow Zoo, and spontaneously began to play what sounded like Stravinsky’s "Rite Of Spring" on a harp standing in the snow. The sight and sound of her playing Igor Stravinsky (with surprising accuracy!!) was enough to draw an ever-growing crowd and finally, Vladimir Putin himself. The Russian president, moved to tears and paroxysms of religious ecstasy, called President Trump and immediately set up a face-to-face conference to rekindle the cooperation and friendship between the two great powers.

Trixitina's playing continued on through the day to greater and greater acclaim, and Spring itself seemed to descend on the city causing flowers and trees to begin blooming in a riot of leaves and colors more reminiscent of Paris or Holland than of chilly Russia.....

It wasn't until feeding time later in the evening that a Mr. Maslo Arakhisovoye Sendvich, the lead harpist for the Minsk "Tippy-Toes" Ballet Academy for Earnest Boys, was reported as missing!!!....and that his penny loafers were found near Trixitina's water bowl.... The next morning, a passing musicologist revealed that the bear was not playing Stravinsky, but was in fact just "banging on the harp.... and scratching it rather badly, isn't she?"... Mr. Sendvich has not been found... as yet...

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]