Sybil Bruncheon's POST-Thanksgiving Update: ...Sneeden's Landing, NY.

By Saturday morning after Thanksgiving, Mr. Vic Burnbath was able to actually move some of his extremities although there was still a strange numbness in his fingers, probably from clutching the toilet bowl so desperately in his eighth hour of vomiting. Was it Aunt Gloria's "Clam, Oyster, and Reese's Pieces Stuffing"?.... or maybe Mrs. Edmun's "Mock Butternut Squash Soup" actually made with any orange things found in the cupboards and pantry?... or was it the fifty-seven helpings of leftovers that he continued to wedge into his aching jaws until Friday night at 11:45...? Whatever!.... He managed to wash up, put on a clean shirt and tie, and stagger out into the neighborhood Saturday morning where frightened neighbors pelted him with stale Parker House rolls and mince pies with Reddi-Wip topping...

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Oh, NO!!!!...

That special moment at Thanksgiving when your relatives all realize you only served the CANNED cranberry sauce!

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Sybil Bruncheon's THANKSGIVING BULLETINS FROM OUT AND ABOUT:

Karen was one of those nice single ladies with no family so she always made Thanksgiving dinner for her friends, neighbors, and coworkers who didn't have any place to go! She called them all her "Turkey-Day Orphans", and they appreciated her so! ... then one year, she decided that it might be more fun to serve an all-liquid menu. An assortment of broths, consommés, gravies, and the booze that would compliment each course.... unfortunately, when the guests arrived at 1 in the afternoon, they found her unconscious under the dining table in nothing more than a pair of turkey-feather pasties, lipstick way outside her lip line, and a souvenir apron from Provincetown with a map of Cape Cod pointing suggestively to her ...um... "lady place"...

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Sybil Bruncheon's THANKSGIVING NEWS FROM AROUND THE WORLD: Fribletown, Iowa. 11/23/1939

...The Chester Daley family sat down to their Thanksgiving dinner glad and grateful that they had been able to gather from the far corners of the United States. The food was bountiful and prepared with love, and they bowed their heads in heartfelt prayer. Little did they suspect that little Baby Noah was an atheist... or that eventually, when he finally entered 6th grade, he would be excommunicated by Pope Pius for clearly being the child of Satan!

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Sybil Bruncheon's THANKSGIVING bulletins from around the country: Poor Carolyn...

... she left the Brussels sprouts in the oven a little too long... and in that strange marinade too!... Julia Child had warned her in chapter 44 about "Thanksgiving DOs and DON'Ts", but NOooo!!!! ..girls like Carolyn always "know everything about everything!”… Sadly, the police arrived too late...

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Sybil Bruncheon’s “Thanksgivings Past”… Breaking News from the CNN News Desk: A Reprieve...

The president and first lady have been violently attacked shortly after a press conference in the rose garden! The couple had just presided over the annual pardoning of the Thanksgiving turkey, in this case TWO turkeys named "Bread" and "Butter".
Mr. and Mrs. Trump had returned to their residence in their part of the White House when bloodcurdling screams and pleas for mercy were heard echoing through the halls by the serving staff. Secret Service officers were called, and the Trumps were found hideously disfigured with gouged out eyes. The President was discovered in his bathroom missing his hair as well, and Mrs. Trump was located near a garden shed with the words "Bug-Wife" scrawled in what looked like bloody claw scratchings. The turkeys were nowhere to be found nor was their luggage in the Lincoln Bedroom where they were to be guests for the Holiday weekend.
Police are questioning everyone involved with the ceremony including the farm where Bread and Butter lived prior to their celebrity in the nation's capital. Investigations are also being opened at the incubator where they were both raised as orphans and where there may be some evidence of juvenile records of violence or sexual deviancy that might have been sealed. Details at 6. Cranberry Sauce at 11.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "A Whole Month Of Thanksgiving!"... Abundance??

Abundance, even in a time of want! Friends, did you know that during the Great Depression of the 1930s so many American families were facing insecurity, and even hunger and homelessness? All across the wide country, fathers tried to hold on to their jobs while mothers struggled to stretch a dollar as far as it would go... even to maintaining a staff of servants who could keep the house clean, the gardens tended, the laundry washed and ironed, and the meals cooked and presented properly! If there was any corner to be cut, it might be in substituting different dietary choices for traditional ones. It wasn't spoken of widely, but, instead of an expensive turkey from the trusty butcher for Thanksgiving, Mother might substitute a family pet. And you know, it wasn't always so stressful or heartbreaking either... especially if it was a neighbor’s dog from down the street.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Our Thanksgiving Heritage!... Pilgrims & Pageants in Perrysburg"...

Boys and Girls, some of the best things of the Holiday season are the school plays that young people produce for their parents and teachers in small towns all over our wonderful country. Over the years, I have been so pleased to see many of them; one of them remains permanently... um... etched into my mind. I was on a dinner theatre tour of THE INCREDIBLY LOVELY AND WITTY WOMAN WHO CAME TO DINNER (a rewritten play by an ex-boyfriend of mine and his gay pal!), and I happened to be in a charming little town named Perrysburg for Thanksgiving. The Mayor generously invited the entire cast both to his holiday dinner and the theatre afterwards at the local high school! The title of the play was OUR PILGRIM FOREFATHERS & THEIR FRIENDLY INDIAN RECEPTION IN THE NEW WORLD.

The audience settled into their seats, reading and ruffling their mimeographed programs with the loose staples but the Heavenly smell! (oops!... have I said something?!) And after some light chatter and hellos, the lights came down in the Wilbur & Orville Wright auditorium, and the overture began. Well, it wasn't quite an overture... more like rhythmic and fairly emphatic drumming and some flute-tooting and dried gourd shaking. Suddenly from both sides of the stage, several young men "dressed" as "Indians" came out dancing, whooping, and jumping about which soon became very feverish, and, if I may say so, very athletic. The lighting became very orange and flickered as if perhaps this tribal ceremony was being lit by a huge camp fire (very clever as we audience members nodded and whispered appreciatively!), and then the Indians began to wrestle each other and throw each other about. The actors began to perspire heavily, and really conveyed the earnestness of their commitment to the roles they had taken on. Round and round the Indians swirled, screeching and bellowing, and even charging audience members in the front rows and up and down the aisles. Ladies in the audience and gentlemen of sensitive natures pulled out hankies or kleenex tissues to fan themselves. This whole tumultuous scene continued on for about 30 minutes or so, building to a crashing, screeching, sweating, drumming, fluting, gourding crescendo!!... and then... BLACKOUT!

The florescent auditorium lights came up, and the entire cast of young men strode out on stage for a curtain call. They bowed, smiling to the polite, friendly, but somewhat bewildered applause. And they were given 2 1/2 curtain calls, before the curtain finally came down. The Mayor and his wife, along with the Town Council members were very proud of the pageant and were eager to hear our "Big City" opinions of their local artistry. We, of course, were generous in our praise and even went backstage to shake hands with the cast. Then it was off to after-theatre drinks and a light dessert before we returned to The Commodore Perry Hotel.

I shall never forget how we cast members gathered in the morning to chat over breakfast... and the questions! Where were the Pilgrims? At what point was the "the friendly reception" or indeed any evidence of "the new world"? Was the tribe that first met the Pilgrims completely devoid of any female members?... or had they died in some terrible catastrophe? Our stage manager asked where was the scenery? There hadn't been a teepee, a wigwam, a birch bark canoe, or even a birch tree. And Mrs. Carruthers, our wardrobe lady, mentioned that she never saw a moccasin, a headdress, or even a single feather... "Not even war paint!!"... and we all had to agree!

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Sybil Bruncheon’s 30 Days of Thanksgiving: LAW & ORDER... The Thanksgiving Episodes!...

Well, it’s happened again, and I’m so honored! The LAW & ORDER producers have acknowledged my contribution to all the various franchises of the series and the fact that I have appeared more than any other actress in their opening dead-body sequences for their Thanksgiving episodes. Among them are the following:

1) Macy’s fine lingerie buyer found stuffed into the giant “Tom The Turkey” float on Thanksgiving morning during the parade set-up. She had been strangled with a pair of footie-jammies with Scooby Doo on them.

2) Starbucks barista in elf costume found face down in a vat of pumpkin-spice-mint-choclate-nutmeg-cinnamon-holly-pine-needle-mistletoe decaf cappuccino… with red, white, and green sprinkles… but no whipped cream!... an important clue in the final scene.

3) Lady pilgrim in the Radio City Rockettes tribute to the Mayflower. As the full scale facsimile of the good ship sailed onstage in Act II to the Rockettes dancing to “Over The River And Through The Woods”, I could be clearly seen being keelhauled underneath the prow… the entire theatre descended into a 1000 children shrieking in terror as we cut to the first commercial.

4) Notorious pole-dancer painted and hung as a candy-cane in the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree and discovered on live television in front of millions of viewers by Al Roker as he goofs around with Hota Kotb over spiked cider and puns about “his North Pole”.

5) Prominent New York brain surgeon found in the Teuscher Chocolate window display as one of eight reindeer dragging Santa’s sleigh. I had been killed by having antlers driven into each of my temples… and then sprinkled with glitter… and draped with garlands

6) High-society dame discovered face-down inside the wedding rings case in Tiffany’s, stabbed to death with a silver-plate letter opener from Zales…

7) Carvel Ice Cream Store owner found dead in her frozen dairy case having been smothered with three Pudgy The Punkin’ cakes shoved down her throat and into her nose. Her eyes and teeth had been replaced with raisins.

8) Pleasant house wife from Sunnyside, "belovéd by everybody", found brined beyond recognition and full of Stove Top stuffing and celery... unchopped! And you know what that means!

I can’t begin to tell you how proud and humbled I am by my career as a corpse in such a record-breaking and respected television serious. The Screen Actors Guild has now proposed having my hand and footprints put into a large tray of sweet potato casserole out in front of Sardi’s during their Thanksgiving dinner special… BOTH seatings! ($89.00 per guest. Reservations recommended)

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Sybil Bruncheon's MORE THAN THEY SEEM STORIES... “Thanksgiving For Two!"...

For a change, Ginny decided to make an intimate little Thanksgiving dinner for just Herbie and herself.. No in-laws smirking or sniping and adding their two cents about the stuffing, the pies, the cranberry sauce. Ginny was exhausted by Herbie’s entire family; not just his idiot-parents, but all the cousins, aunts, uncles, and hanger-on friends that trailed along for every Holiday, every barbecue, every vacation… and then, that one Thanksgiving, she realized she was just as tired of Herbie. So she began putting a little extra “pepper” from the “special” pepper-mill on his dishes… and by Christmas, well... everything was solved. And Herbie ended up so very much like the poor little corn plant that Ginny kept by her hutch in the kitchen…

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