Sybil Bruncheon's "My Merry Memoirs"... LGBTQ Pride Parades of the Past - 1984

Pride Month Memories... WHERE WAS I 39 YEARS AGO?:

On every Pride Parade Day, I spend the day thinking about Lou Maletta, the Gay Cable Network on Channel J, and all the adventures we had together there and around the city and with Mark Bailey and all our GCN friends in Cincinnati. Although I first officially met Lou in 1983, and then began collaborating with him on stage and club events, and three different cable TV series that ran from 1984 to 1993, I feel like I'd known him forever. Right after we taped our first show together at the beginning of November in '84, we began spending every week together working on exciting projects, fundraisers, upcoming shoots on location all around NYC, and in various downtown theatres in front of studio audiences, and of course, the Gay Pride Parade!.....this photo was taken outside the Plaza Hotel on our first parade together, and back when the Pride Parade was hours long, winding from Central Park West up at the west 70s, crossing 59th Street to Fifth Avenue, and then all the way down to Greenwich Village and back across Christopher Street past the historic Stonewall Inn to the Hudson River for the festival. As I said... HOURS!

This first parade we did together had so many funny and fascinating moments for us; the balloons began to deflate and pop almost immediately in the heat against the hot metal of the car! Every block of that long parade route stunned and surprised us! We had only been on that early incarnation of cable television (only ten channels and all on a dinky box of pushbuttons labeled "A" through "J" and perched precariously on top of your TV with NO remote!). But as we drove down the parade route, we couldn't believe the throngs of people that screamed out "Sybil" and rushed the car for autographs and photos (and this was LONG before the convenience of cell phones and selfies!). The buzz and the hoopla grew and grew, block by block of course as we moved farther and farther downtown we went.

There's Lou's partner of many years, Luke Valenti driving!!! Luke would have all of us convulsed with laughter whenever I saw him. Lou said that Luke made him laugh more than anyone on Earth, and that it was their secret to their long marriage!! Lou will certainly be in my heart and memory forever. I still find myself chuckling at all the funny times we had, the poignant moments we shared, and the many friends we loved... and lost. Lou's sense of humor was tremendous too, and his lifestyle fooled no one.....If you spent any time with him at all, you would see that he was an incredibly learned and sophisticated man under all the leather and paraphernalia!!!... and he revealed his classiness only when it suited him!!!! He was my producer with whom I clashed and bickered, and laughed and conspired! Lou was always happy for my successes, and gave great advice when I asked for it! We made some fun and funny shows together, some of which still exist in archives here and there, and we chuckled at the thought that we were often portrayed as the Bette Davis and Jack Warner of the Gay Cable world.......Many thanks, Lou, for so many gifts!!!......and sweet dreams to you, old friend.

(Photo by Diana Di Prima. Sybil's gown by Cliff Boone and Morrie Breyer of A.Q.U.A., and her jewelry by Jesse Galvez of J. Antonio and Larry Verba)

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Halloween Parties of Yesteryear... Wauseon, Ohio - 1958...

Seen here is the Halloween party held in the home of Frank Blunt, the founder of Blunt's Aluminum Siding Repair and Replace Service on the corner of Zachary Taylor Way and Buckeye Blvd. The costumes included (from left to right) Stabbo the Clown, Mysterious Mahatma Momby, Señor Smirky, and Marion Davies. Although over 60 people had been invited, only these four guests showed up along with Perky, Edith Blunt's mix-breed chihuahua/Labrador cleverly disguised as Donald Duck. That's Edith Blunt in the lower left just seconds after she sprained her ankle roller-skating around the basement as Sonja Henie. Frank is taking the photo. With only four guests, the costume contest was canceled. Everyone went home with three pounds of candy corn... at 8:30... Perky threw up most of his...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Our Thanksgiving Heritage!... Pilgrims & Pageants in Perrysburg"...

Boys and Girls, some of the best things of the Holiday season are the school plays that young people produce for their parents and teachers in small towns all over our wonderful country. Over the years, I have been so pleased to see many of them; one of them remains permanently... um... etched into my mind. I was on a dinner theatre tour of THE INCREDIBLY LOVELY AND WITTY WOMAN WHO CAME TO DINNER (a rewritten play by an ex-boyfriend of mine and his gay pal!), and I happened to be in a charming little town named Perrysburg for Thanksgiving. The Mayor generously invited the entire cast both to his holiday dinner and the theatre afterwards at the local high school! The title of the play was OUR PILGRIM FOREFATHERS & THEIR FRIENDLY INDIAN RECEPTION IN THE NEW WORLD.

The audience settled into their seats, reading and ruffling their mimeographed programs with the loose staples but the Heavenly smell! (oops!... have I said something?!) And after some light chatter and hellos, the lights came down in the Wilbur & Orville Wright auditorium, and the overture began. Well, it wasn't quite an overture... more like rhythmic and fairly emphatic drumming and some flute-tooting and dried gourd shaking. Suddenly from both sides of the stage, several young men "dressed" as "Indians" came out dancing, whooping, and jumping about which soon became very feverish, and, if I may say so, very athletic. The lighting became very orange and flickered as if perhaps this tribal ceremony was being lit by a huge camp fire (very clever as we audience members nodded and whispered appreciatively!), and then the Indians began to wrestle each other and throw each other about. The actors began to perspire heavily, and really conveyed the earnestness of their commitment to the roles they had taken on. Round and round the Indians swirled, screeching and bellowing, and even charging audience members in the front rows and up and down the aisles. Ladies in the audience and gentlemen of sensitive natures pulled out hankies or kleenex tissues to fan themselves. This whole tumultuous scene continued on for about 30 minutes or so, building to a crashing, screeching, sweating, drumming, fluting, gourding crescendo!!... and then... BLACKOUT!

The florescent auditorium lights came up, and the entire cast of young men strode out on stage for a curtain call. They bowed, smiling to the polite, friendly, but somewhat bewildered applause. And they were given 2 1/2 curtain calls, before the curtain finally came down. The Mayor and his wife, along with the Town Council members were very proud of the pageant and were eager to hear our "Big City" opinions of their local artistry. We, of course, were generous in our praise and even went backstage to shake hands with the cast. Then it was off to after-theatre drinks and a light dessert before we returned to The Commodore Perry Hotel.

I shall never forget how we cast members gathered in the morning to chat over breakfast... and the questions! Where were the Pilgrims? At what point was the "the friendly reception" or indeed any evidence of "the new world"? Was the tribe that first met the Pilgrims completely devoid of any female members?... or had they died in some terrible catastrophe? Our stage manager asked where was the scenery? There hadn't been a teepee, a wigwam, a birch bark canoe, or even a birch tree. And Mrs. Carruthers, our wardrobe lady, mentioned that she never saw a moccasin, a headdress, or even a single feather... "Not even war paint!!"... and we all had to agree!

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Sybil's "Nutty News Near & Far-Out!"... Castalia, Ohio!

We've all heard about strange weather phenomena like a town experiencing it raining pebbles, fish, or frogs, but have you ever heard of it raining BABIES??... well, Castalia, Ohio did this past week as a peculiar occluded front drifted South from Canada and ran into the rare combination of a hyper-trephinated low pressure system colliding with a simultaneous Hallenby-reversed inversion layer... yeah, whatever. The point is that at approximately 11:38 am EST this past Sunday, the first babies began to drop out of a slightly overcast sky into the arms of strolling citizens in the tiny town in the Buckeye State. Many folks had just left church and assumed it was a miracle, while less religiously inclined people thought that perhaps it was a prank being played by the networks for a television op on Monday morning's news shows.

Mrs. Hortense Havermyer called the police convinced that a nearby carnival ride might have malfunctioned and was hurling innocent children entire city blocks from their frantic parents although there were no carnivals scheduled for miles around. Mrs. Havermyer was so relieved that she decided to keep the set of identical triplets that she and husband Myer caught on the fly. A reporter from the Castalia Constant Observer asked how she felt about triplets... Three babies all at once? "What! Ya think I'm gonna toss one back?", she laughed, and the happy family toddled off to buy diapers and the new Acme Accordion stroller available at Gretelstein's Department Store.

Luckily during the downpour of newborns which lasted only about 15 minutes, none of the babies were injured or even particularly traumatized by the fall. All were caught safely, and were given lovely homes either by their catchers or by a near relative of the folks that they dropped in on. All of the babies were well-scrubbed, well-fed, and quite charming in demeanor. All were approximately between the ages of 1 and 2 1/2, and some had already started crawling, standing, and even speaking, although the words most clearly deciphered may have been "carrot", "doppelgänger", and "ashkenazy". Child psychologists from the local university were called immediately to do evaluations, and the children all seem to be normal, developmentally on track, and well adjusted. No reports of missing babies fitting the descriptions of the 38 children in the freakish downpour have been lodged in Ohio or surrounding states, and formalized adoptions are currently underway for all of them.

On another note, the Weather Channel has only one other bizarre event remotely similar to this one on record. It seems that in Boca Raton, Florida in 1971, it rained elderly people for about twenty minutes on a September afternoon. In that situation, very few citizens made an attempt to actually catch the seniors falling from the sky. Fortunately, the whole incident took place over the beach where the famously sugary sand softened their impact, but there were still many sprained wrists, and ankles and a broken hip or two, and much kvetching. "What! Why am I being dropped off here?", "Where's the canasta tournament? I'm scheduled for the opening round at 8!", and "I hope I don't have to remind the girl about raisins in my Cream of Wheat!" were heard from the cranky new arrivals. Local authorities were perplexed but released the 23 new arrivals on their own recognizance with a lunch voucher at Shrafft's. Mrs. Lefkowitz’s new dentures were never found.

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Sybil Bruncheon's Breaking News from the CNN news desk!... Wauseon, Ohio... and the luncheon!

The Wauseon Republican Ladies Luncheon Club celebrated their 43rd anniversary with their "Come As Your Favorite Movie Star Holiday Extravaganza!"..... each year the gals spend months on their costumes and accessories, hair-dos and make-up to come as their Hollywood idols. And some of them are really quite convincing! From left: Mrs. Lurleen Hankin as Joan Fontaine, Mrs. William Guttle as Sally Ann Howe, Mrs. Deedee Tepp as Eva Gabor, Mrs. Scottina Mootlin as Radie Harris, Mrs. Francine Wendover as Ethel Merman, Mrs. Gertrude Julian as Rosalind Russell, Mrs. Freda Quarles as Angela Lansbury, Mrs. Kiki Tunwhistle as Patrice Munsel, and the caterer, Mr. Cliff Hunt as his mother.... who was an usherette at Grauman's Chinese Theatre. Details at 6. Plaster of Paris footprints at 11. Stay tuned.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Hysterical Healthful Histories"... Wauseon, Ohio.

The Philbert Institute For Defused Alienation in Wauseon, Ohio.

With the close of the 19th century, social scientists, philosophical and political observers, anthropologists, and medical professionals discussed the new phenomenon of angst that seemed to be consuming people in all walks of life in industrializing America. As greater and greater numbers of citizens left farming in the rural countryside and built their lives and careers in overcrowded cities, there seemed to be a loss of basic family constructs and communal feelings between neighbors. Dr. Joshua Philbert was a scientist who, in addition to his extensive medical background, was immersed in research into nutritional and specialized exercise programs to improve mental and physical health. Philbert created his institute for patients (or "enrollees" as he preferred to address them) to find an all-consuming wellness and inner peace that would sustain them even after they had returned to their stressful lives. A two-week stay involved daily schedules of classes, exercises, spa treatments, lectures, crafting, movement seminars, gardening, physical exertion, and nudist culture. Sing-alongs, square dance, wicker-weaving, and watermelon war-games were all especially popular with the enrollees. Here we see a typical Watermelon War-Game in which the jolly participants are instructed to eat as much melon as possible and to spit the seeds at opposing "warriors" as quickly and violently as possible. All physical contact between aggressors must be done only through the seeds being spat and on no account should there be any touching or even cross-words.

The war-games were also a sensible way to settle any bickering, arguments, petty quarrels, or personal jealousies among the enrollees and even the institute staff as well. Two unfortunate issues did come up though during the war-games; 1) The more aggressive the "battles" became, the more watermelon the participants would consume resulting in extraordinary amounts of water weight being put on during their stays. Guests also complained of severe stomach cramps, excessive urination, and unpredictably explosive diarrhea often in front of visitors and at mealtimes. …and 2) Some seeds ended up putting people's eyes out or even choking enrollees…. to death.

These tragic setbacks were not lost on John Harvey Kellogg over at his Battle Creek Health Sanitarium. His version of aggression therapy involved patients being costumed in gigantic elasticized one-piece pajamas gathered at the wrists, ankles and neck and filled with bales of milkweed fluff. They were then given huge pillows of the same stuff and instructed to hit each other as violently as they pleased and to yell hideous epithets while confined in padded cells. This exercise would go on for hours until finally, exhausted, they would be found asleep by the staff and dragged back to their separate cells. Kellogg of course charged a fraction of the same fees as Philbert did and the Philbert Institute soon went out of business….…. Later, Professor Philbert changed the spelling of his name to Filbert, moved to Monte Carlo, and made a fortune importing nuts... actual nuts.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "CHRISTMASES PAST"... Meyer Flotzam.

...it had all started out so happily... that Christmas of 1951, for Meyer Flotzam, a clever and quickly promoted product-developer at the Gillette Shaving Corporation. For the Christmas gift-giving season, he created his "All-Mechanized & Fully-Automatic Beard 'n' Mustache Trimmer!".... (the merchandising department was going to work on the name!). Meyer had done over 500 perfectly executed and finely tuned trials of the machine in front of technicians, coffee-break claques, boardroom executives, and large convention audiences with not one slip... But then, just as he was showing it to the Wauseon Ladies Republican Club for Harriet Gillette and her luncheon pals, he was called to the phone by her maid. Without thinking, he turned to pick up the receiver...and.... well... it had been such a fine nose too... and so aristocratic.....

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Sybil Bruncheon’s MY MERRY MEMOIRS... (Chapter 23)...

...when I was very young, I went to the Lucas County Fair every August!... for entire days at a time. I loved all the sights and sounds, especially at night!... the long strings of colored lights and mismatched bulbs draped between the carnival rides and novelty tents.... the tawdry calliope music jumbling different melodies against each other, the arcade games with their bells ringing, the shooting gallery pings and bangs, the laughing and screeching on the tilt-o-whirl, and the wooden ratchety roar of the roller coasters. I was mesmerized by the mysterious gypsy fortune tellers, the handsome and sweating barkers, and the wranglers who ran the rides and did the heavy lifting around the grounds...

When I was about 12, I asked a nice man with a big smile and a thin mustache who was standing near one of the Belgian waffle stands how I could get some job there with all the traveling folks that moved across the country along the carny circuit together..... maybe I could just start out as a helper in the cotton candy trailer? He looked down at me with great humor and gentility, lifted his crisp boater to mop his glistening brow and the thinning hair that was trying to stay carefully combed, and murmured, "Darling girl! Look over at our Miss Gloss! Now THAT'S what a cotton-candy hostess looks like! You need to have the look!! The LOOK!!!....now run along and stay out of trouble!".... then he winked at me and smiled even more broadly with a warm and faintly sexy chuckle, and a twinkle in his eye...

Many years later, I ran into Miss Gloss... she had the same hair-do, had married a dentist in Toledo, and had gotten a job in a grade school cafeteria kitchen serving chipped beef, chicken tetrazzini, and creamed corn to children at Our Lady of The Vapors Academy.... (Miss Gloss was always so efficient, so rapid in the execution of her duties, so quick to dash about the cafeteria serving everyone that she eventually was given the nickname "Flying Butt-ress!".... it was scrawled on bathroom walls for years after her retirement...along with loving portraiture.... and anatomically correct sketches of the football team)

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...from Sybil Bruncheon's "EASTER EGGS-traordinaries"... Hepplemann Falls, Ohio.......

Easter Weekend Reports From Around The World: .....Hepplemann Falls, Ohio.

Abner Linkmayer and a passenger claiming to be the Easter Bunny were stopped by highway patrolmen today for erratic driving of a John Deere tractor and a 40' wheat harvester down Highway 3 this morning. They managed to mow down four mailboxes, seven fire hydrants, twenty two street signs, and the Bigelow newspaper and notions stand in the town square. (Scotty Bigelow jumped off his stool just in time!) Several airline bottles of Grey Goose, Jim Beam, Southern Comfort, Drambuie, and Manischewitz were found scattered in the hopper of the harvester. Little Abner and Mr. Bunny claimed that they had not been drinking, but that the bottles had come "from the Booze Tree that they had run over back on the MacGregor farm". Police determined later that there was no booze tree on the MacGregor farm, and the botany department of the Clemson College of Agricultural & Animal Husbandry went even farther by declaring that in fact there is no such thing as a booze tree. At that point, Linkmayer and Bunny were heard to laugh raucously, make farting sounds using their hands and armpits, and then throw up all over the police chief's desk. Both are being held without bail until their trial at either the Hepplemann Juvenile Facility ..or at the Gurney Petting Zoo. Details at 6. Bourbon-soaked marshmallow peeps at 11.

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