Sybil's "Nutty News Near & Far-Out!"... Castalia, Ohio!

Raining Babies.jpg

We've all heard about strange weather phenomenons like a town experiencing it raining pebbles, fish, or frogs, but have you ever heard of it raining BABIES??... well, Castalia, Ohio did this past week as a peculiar occluded front drifted South from Canada and ran into the rare combination of a hyper-trephinated low pressure system colliding with a simultaneous Hallenby-reversed inversion layer... yeah, whatever. The point is that at approximately 11:38am EST this past Sunday, the first babies began to drop out of a slightly overcast sky into the arms of strolling citizens in the tiny town in the Buckeye State. Many folks had just left church and assumed it was a miracle, while less religiously inclined people thought that perhaps it was a prank being played by the networks for a television op on Monday morning's news shows.

Mrs. Hortense Havermyer called the police convinced that a nearby carnival ride might have malfunctioned and was hurling innocent children entire city blocks from their frantic parents although there were no carnivals scheduled for miles around. Mrs. Havermyer was so relieved that she decided to keep the set of identical triplets that she and husband Myer caught on the fly. A reporter from the Castalia Constant Observer asked how she felt about triplets... Three babies all at once? "What! Ya think I'm gonna toss one back?", she laughed, and the happy family toddled off to buy diapers and the new Acme Accordion stroller available at Gretelstein's Department Store.

Luckily during the downpour of newborns which lasted only about 15 minutes, none of the babies were injured or even particularly traumatized by the fall. All were caught safely, and were given lovely homes either by their catchers or by a near relative of the folks that they dropped in on. All of the babies were well-scrubbed, well-fed, and quite charming in demeanor. All were approximately between the ages of 1 and 2 1/2, and some had already started crawling, standing, and even speaking, although the words most clearly deciphered may have been "carrot", "doppelgänger", and "ashkenazy". Child psychologists from the local university were called immediately to do evaluations, and the children all seem to be normal, developmentally on track, and well adjusted. No reports of missing babies fitting the descriptions of the 38 children in the freakish downpour have been lodged in Ohio or surrounding states, and formalized adoptions are currently underway for all of them.

On another note, the Weather Channel has only one other bizarre event remotely similar to this one on record. It seems that in Boca Raton, Florida in 1971, it rained elderly people for about twenty minutes on a September afternoon. In that situation, very few citizens made an attempt to actually catch the seniors falling from the sky. Fortunately, the whole incident took place over the beach where the famously sugary sand softened their impact, but there were still many sprained wrists, and ankles and a broken hip or two, and much kvetching. "What! Why am I being dropped off here?", "Where's the canasta tournament? I'm scheduled for the opening round at 8!", and "I hope I don't have to remind the girl about raisins in my Cream of Wheat!" were heard from the cranky new arrivals... local authorities were perplexed but released the 23 new arrivals on their own recognizance with a lunch voucher at Shrafft's.

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