Sybil Bruncheon's POST-Thanksgiving Update: ...Sneeden's Landing, NY.

By Saturday morning after Thanksgiving, Mr. Vic Burnbath was able to actually move some of his extremities although there was still a strange numbness in his fingers, probably from clutching the toilet bowl so desperately in his eighth hour of vomiting. Was it Aunt Gloria's "Clam, Oyster, and Reese's Pieces Stuffing"?.... or maybe Mrs. Edmun's "Mock Butternut Squash Soup" actually made with any orange things found in the cupboards and pantry?... or was it the fifty-seven helpings of leftovers that he continued to wedge into his aching jaws until Friday night at 11:45...? Whatever!.... He managed to wash up, put on a clean shirt and tie, and stagger out into the neighborhood Saturday morning where frightened neighbors pelted him with stale Parker House rolls and mince pies with Reddi-Wip topping...

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Sybil Bruncheon's THANKSGIVING BULLETINS FROM OUT AND ABOUT:

Karen was one of those nice single ladies with no family so she always made Thanksgiving dinner for her friends, neighbors, and coworkers who didn't have any place to go! She called them all her "Turkey-Day Orphans", and they appreciated her so! ... then one year, she decided that it might be more fun to serve an all-liquid menu. An assortment of broths, consommés, gravies, and the booze that would compliment each course.... unfortunately, when the guests arrived at 1 in the afternoon, they found her unconscious under the dining table in nothing more than a pair of turkey-feather pasties, lipstick way outside her lip line, and a souvenir apron from Provincetown with a map of Cape Cod pointing suggestively to her ...um... "lady place"...

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Sybil Bruncheon's THANKSGIVING bulletins from around the country: Poor Carolyn...

... she left the Brussels sprouts in the oven a little too long... and in that strange marinade too!... Julia Child had warned her in chapter 44 about "Thanksgiving DOs and DON'Ts", but NOooo!!!! ..girls like Carolyn always "know everything about everything!”… Sadly, the police arrived too late...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Thanksgiving Tales of Technology!"... 1878...

Boys and Girls (and I use those terms loosely!) did you know that when people were first inventing all the gadgets and appliances that we take for granted today, sometimes they were very different? Your cell phone which fits in your little hand was actually as big as a brick and weighed much more when it was first designed by a scientist many years ago. And your Daddy's laptop computer which is as thin as a magazine today was the size of a car 50 years ago and could only add 2 + 2... and it took three hours for it to come up with the right answer! Well, when your Mommy puts your turkey in the oven for Thanksgiving, she counts on the nice pop-up-timer that tells her when it's done! And once upon a time, the very smart men who invented that little pop-up-timer worked very hard for a very long time to come up with it. They drew pictures, and had meetings, and asked questions, and yelled at people, and even hit each other when they were drinking and had ladies over... but finally, they made the world's first pop-up-timer. Unfortunately, it was 11 stories high and weighed over 375 tons. None of that would matter, except that when it was put into the first turkey and the cooking time was finished, the timer actually chewed up and swallowed the turkey, the kitchen, and three of the scientists testing it in the lab. Frank Perdue's great grandfather said "Oh well, Progress is a cruel mistress!... and so is a moist, plump turkey!".

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Sybil Bruncheon’s “Thanksgivings Past”… Breaking News from the CNN News Desk: A Reprieve...

The president and first lady have been violently attacked shortly after a press conference in the rose garden! The couple had just presided over the annual pardoning of the Thanksgiving turkey, in this case TWO turkeys named "Bread" and "Butter".
Mr. and Mrs. Trump had returned to their residence in their part of the White House when bloodcurdling screams and pleas for mercy were heard echoing through the halls by the serving staff. Secret Service officers were called, and the Trumps were found hideously disfigured with gouged out eyes. The President was discovered in his bathroom missing his hair as well, and Mrs. Trump was located near a garden shed with the words "Bug-Wife" scrawled in what looked like bloody claw scratchings. The turkeys were nowhere to be found nor was their luggage in the Lincoln Bedroom where they were to be guests for the Holiday weekend.
Police are questioning everyone involved with the ceremony including the farm where Bread and Butter lived prior to their celebrity in the nation's capital. Investigations are also being opened at the incubator where they were both raised as orphans and where there may be some evidence of juvenile records of violence or sexual deviancy that might have been sealed. Details at 6. Cranberry Sauce at 11.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "WHO'Z DAT?"... Hollywood Birthdays in NOVEMBER!... The CHARACTERS!

(Clockwise from top center: Marie Dressler, Edward Van Sloan and Boris Karloff, Mischa Auer, Ed Wynn, Edna May Oliver, Norman Lloyd, Will Rogers, Burgess Meredith, Jack Elam, Esther Rolle, Jack Oakie, and Michael Gough)

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CHRISTMAS MUSIC: Guilty Pleasures & Dirty Confessions… Goulet Goulash..

I know it's very tacky, but I start listening to the Music Choice "Sounds of the Seasons" channel on cable during Thanksgiving week.... As silly as it is to many people, I sometimes just enjoy the simple pleasure of Christmas carols to ease my mind and lower my stress.

Having said that and admitting my “Guilty Pleasure”, I now must add my “Dirty Confession” that I despise some of their Christmas offerings…. Like Robert Goulet’s “This Christmas I Spend With You”…. If ever, EVER there was a song that embodies everything that folks parody about Goulet, it’s this one. He chews and gaaa-rowls and schmoo-OOOZES his way through each and every note. There’s nothing off-hand or thrown away about a single flat or sharp!!…. Even his rests are loaded with unctuousness. Listening to it is like being bathed in hot fudge sauce, which would be terrific, except when someone holds your head under a cascading faucet of it, and your last thought is, “Dear God, I’m going to drown in hot fudge! I can't breathe and .....it hurts! Oh GOD, IT HURTS!!!!....HOT FUDGE HURR… ….GGGGGRRRRRGGGGLLLLLLLJJJJRZZZFGULJHGldhehhjj…..”

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CHRISTMAS MUSIC: Guilty Pleasures & Dirty Confessions… Mitch Miller.

I know it's very tacky, but I start listening to the Music Choice "Sounds of the Seasons" channel on cable during Thanksgiving week.... As silly as it is to many people, I sometimes just enjoy the simple pleasure of Christmas carols to ease my mind and lower my stress.

Having said that and admitting my “Guilty Pleasure”, I now must add my “Dirty Confession” that I despise some of their Christmas offerings…. Like Mitch Miller’s “Must Be Santa”…… yeesh! It’s like a Christmas version of “99 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall”……or that Nipplety Pipplety Wiggly Piggly song Suzanne Pleshette’s schoolchildren all sing in THE BIRDS before her eyes get pecked out!!! I’ve tried singing along with the song (BOTH songs actually!) but I think Hitchcock got it right. Some songs just drive innocent listeners to distraction, and when I hear “Must Be Santa” or Nipplety-Pipplety, I just want to run mad through a shopping center with a Phillips screwdriver….. and a seagull.

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CHRISTMAS MUSIC: Guilty Pleasures & Dirty Confessions / Dino is Keeno!...

I know it's very tacky, but I start listening to the Music Choice "Sounds of the Seasons" channel on cable during Thanksgiving week.... As silly as it is to many people, I sometimes just enjoy the simple pleasure of Christmas carols to ease my mind and lower my stress.

JEEESH!!! Among my favorites is just about anything Dean Martin sings, but especially "A Marshmallow World". His garbled, nearly falling-down-drunk phrasing amuses me no end! It's that funny, facetious Las Vegasy presentation that doesn't pretend to be something that it's not. Whenever I hear him sing, he just sounds like a favorite uncle clowning around the kitchen and wanting to be loved! ...and oh, how I love him! Thank you, Deano-rooni!!!

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CHRISTMAS MUSIC: Guilty Pleasures & Dirty Confessions... "Jingle Bells"

CHRISTMAS MUSIC: Guilty Pleasures & Dirty Confessions / The Holiday Music Edition..... I know it's very tacky, but I start listening to the Music Choice "Sounds of the Seasons" channel on cable during Thanksgiving week.... As silly as it is to many people, I sometimes just enjoy the simple pleasure of Christmas carols to ease my mind and lower my stress.

Having said that and admitting my “Guilty Pleasure”, I now must add my “Dirty Confession” that I despise some of their Christmas offerings!!!!…. Like The Singing Dogs’ rendition of “Jingle Bells”! I am widely known as a rabid animal lover! I ADORE dogs, but this recording has driven me to the point of eating in Korean restaurants…. IN SEOUL!!!

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