CHRISTMAS MUSIC: Guilty Pleasures & Dirty Confessions... The Andrews Sisters...

I know it's very tacky, but I start listening to the Music Choice "Sounds of the Seasons" channel on cable during Thanksgiving week.... As silly as it is to many people, I sometimes just enjoy the simple pleasure of Christmas carols to ease my mind and lower my stress.

Having said that, I can now admit both a dirty secret AND a guilty pleasure at the same time! As if it isn’t enough that they sang “Mele Kalikimaka” with Bing Crosby, the Andrews Sisters also released “How’d Ya Like To Spend Christmas On Christmas Island?”. Talk about schmaltzy! And Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadians are along for the ride. Between this song and “Mele Kalikimaka” it’s as if the music industry wanted to try to rehabilitate the image of the South Pacific after the catastrophes of Pearl Harbor and World War II!... either that or Decca Records was trying to teach American farmhands geography!

Anyway, whenever the Music Choice Channel plays “Mele Kalikimaka”, I always grab my coconut brassiere and grass skirt, run to my full-length mirror, and hope for a medley into “How’d Ya Like To Spend Christmas On Christmas Island?”! I can see all those handsome GIs waving and hooting for me again at the Munda Airstrip in the Solomon Islands! Bob Hope and the Sisters are there, and I give it my USO-best!!!  

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CHRISTMAS MUSIC: Guilty Pleasures & Dirty Confessions... "Der Bingle"..

I know it's very tacky, but I start listening to the Music Choice "Sounds of the Seasons" channel on cable during Thanksgiving week.... As silly as it is to many people, I sometimes just enjoy the simple pleasure of Christmas carols to ease my mind and lower my stress.

Among my favorites is just about anything Bing Crosby sings at this time of year! I know that makes me a Lawrence Welk-ite in the eyes of most of you, but “Der Bingle” practically owned Christmas as his own particular franchise. Irving Berlin certainly thought so! Imagine, Bing’s version of “White Christmas” is among the most profitable and widely sold pieces of music of all time! For me, one of the very happiest and most fun to lip-sync to around the house is “Mele Kalikimaka”….with the Andrews Sisters on top of it all!!! Hula Heaven!! Now where’s my grass skirt and coconut brassiere?? …and I need a little paper umbrella for my Mai Tai too!!

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CHRISTMAS MUSIC: Guilty Pleasures & Dirty Confessions... Kate Smith..

CHRISTMAS MUSIC: Guilty Pleasures & Dirty Confessions... Kate Smith..

I know it's very tacky, but I start listening to the Music Choice "Sounds of the Seasons" channel on cable during Thanksgiving week.... As silly as it is to many people, I sometimes just enjoy the simple pleasure of Christmas carols to ease my mind and lower my stress.

Among my favorites is “It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas” by just about anybody, especially if they sing the counter-point song "Pine Cones and Holly Berries" also written by Meredith Willson!!! (I love two songs meshing beautifully through each other.)

But if I had to pick one of my favorite versions, it would be Kate Smith’s. All her 200 lb., deep contralto, swingin’ phrasings barreling along with a hearty combination of sincerity and apple pie a la mode!... (heavy on the a la mode!) Like having a Mother Superior, a beloved Irish police sergeant, and a lady gym teacher all rolled into one professional wrestler telling you about “the sturdy kind that doesn’t mind the snow”….. and she definitely understood the meaning of “sturdy”…. You betcha!!!

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CHRISTMAS MUSIC: Guilty Pleasures & Dirty Confessions… Goulet Goulash..

I know it's very tacky, but I start listening to the Music Choice "Sounds of the Seasons" channel on cable during Thanksgiving week.... As silly as it is to many people, I sometimes just enjoy the simple pleasure of Christmas carols to ease my mind and lower my stress.

Having said that and admitting my “Guilty Pleasure”, I now must add my “Dirty Confession” that I despise some of their Christmas offerings…. Like Robert Goulet’s “This Christmas I Spend With You”…. If ever, EVER there was a song that embodies everything that folks parody about Goulet, it’s this one. He chews and gaaa-rowls and schmoo-OOOZES his way through each and every note. There’s nothing off-hand or thrown away about a single flat or sharp!!…. Even his rests are loaded with unctuousness. Listening to it is like being bathed in hot fudge sauce, which would be terrific, except when someone holds your head under a cascading faucet of it, and your last thought is, “Dear God, I’m going to drown in hot fudge! I can't breathe and .....it hurts! Oh GOD, IT HURTS!!!!....HOT FUDGE HURR… ….GGGGGRRRRRGGGGLLLLLLLJJJJRZZZFGULJHGldhehhjj…..”

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CHRISTMAS MUSIC: Guilty Pleasures & Dirty Confessions… Mitch Miller.

I know it's very tacky, but I start listening to the Music Choice "Sounds of the Seasons" channel on cable during Thanksgiving week.... As silly as it is to many people, I sometimes just enjoy the simple pleasure of Christmas carols to ease my mind and lower my stress.

Having said that and admitting my “Guilty Pleasure”, I now must add my “Dirty Confession” that I despise some of their Christmas offerings…. Like Mitch Miller’s “Must Be Santa”…… yeesh! It’s like a Christmas version of “99 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall”……or that Nipplety Pipplety Wiggly Piggly song Suzanne Pleshette’s schoolchildren all sing in THE BIRDS before her eyes get pecked out!!! I’ve tried singing along with the song (BOTH songs actually!) but I think Hitchcock got it right. Some songs just drive innocent listeners to distraction, and when I hear “Must Be Santa” or Nipplety-Pipplety, I just want to run mad through a shopping center with a Phillips screwdriver….. and a seagull.

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CHRISTMAS MUSIC: Guilty Pleasures & Dirty Confessions / Dino is Keeno!...

I know it's very tacky, but I start listening to the Music Choice "Sounds of the Seasons" channel on cable during Thanksgiving week.... As silly as it is to many people, I sometimes just enjoy the simple pleasure of Christmas carols to ease my mind and lower my stress.

JEEESH!!! Among my favorites is just about anything Dean Martin sings, but especially "A Marshmallow World". His garbled, nearly falling-down-drunk phrasing amuses me no end! It's that funny, facetious Las Vegasy presentation that doesn't pretend to be something that it's not. Whenever I hear him sing, he just sounds like a favorite uncle clowning around the kitchen and wanting to be loved! ...and oh, how I love him! Thank you, Deano-rooni!!!

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CHRISTMAS MUSIC: Guilty Pleasures & Dirty Confessions... "Jingle Bells"

CHRISTMAS MUSIC: Guilty Pleasures & Dirty Confessions / The Holiday Music Edition..... I know it's very tacky, but I start listening to the Music Choice "Sounds of the Seasons" channel on cable during Thanksgiving week.... As silly as it is to many people, I sometimes just enjoy the simple pleasure of Christmas carols to ease my mind and lower my stress.

Having said that and admitting my “Guilty Pleasure”, I now must add my “Dirty Confession” that I despise some of their Christmas offerings!!!!…. Like The Singing Dogs’ rendition of “Jingle Bells”! I am widely known as a rabid animal lover! I ADORE dogs, but this recording has driven me to the point of eating in Korean restaurants…. IN SEOUL!!!

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