Sybil Bruncheon’s “Thanksgivings Past”… Breaking News from the CNN News Desk: A Reprieve...

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The president and first lady have been violently attacked shortly after a press conference in the rose garden! The couple had just presided over the annual pardoning of the Thanksgiving turkey, in this case TWO turkeys named "Bread" and "Butter".
Mr. and Mrs. Trump had returned to their residence in their part of the White House when bloodcurdling screams and pleas for mercy were heard echoing through the halls by the serving staff. Secret Service officers were called, and the Trumps were found hideously disfigured with gouged out eyes. The President was discovered in his bathroom missing his hair as well, and Mrs. Trump was located near a garden shed with the words "Bug-Wife" scrawled in what looked like bloody claw scratchings. The turkeys were nowhere to be found nor was their luggage in the Lincoln Bedroom where they were to be guests for the Holiday weekend.
Police are questioning everyone involved with the ceremony including the farm where Bread and Butter lived prior to their celebrity in the nation's capital. Investigations are also being opened at the incubator where they were both raised as orphans and where there may be some evidence of juvenile records of violence or sexual deviancy that might have been sealed. Details at 6. Cranberry Sauce at 11.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN!"... P.O.T.U.S.

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...Although described as a perfectly nice and well-meaning President, Rutherford B. Hayes was best known for the efforts of his tee-totaling wife "Lemonade Lucy" to bring sobriety back into the White House after 8 years of rampant drunkenness under Ulysses Grant. Hayes was also known for wearing a top hat... even to bed.... ever since the chandelier came loose in his office during the festive "bobbing-for-apples" on Halloween, 1877.

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