Sybil Bruncheon's Merry Memoirs: Chapter 18, "Funny Friends and Their Funny Ways"....

I knew a Melanie Farkakte on the McFeeney's Burlesque Circuit... she recited dirty haikus, played the trombone, and bent herself into surprisingly suggestive shapes... using oblong vegetables as her inspirations... Sadly, her arms had been paralyzed from a soap-box derby crash... and she'd lost her left leg in a potato-sack race gone-horribly-wrong at the Lucas County Fair... (she also happened to be an orthodox Jewish girl! She left the theatre at 4PM every Friday, did no shows on Saturday, and refused any boxes of chocolates or bouquets of flowers that contained shellfish or bacon! ...foolish girl!) She passed away suddenly at 43 years of age in the deadly Contagious Guilt Epidemic that struck Five Towns, Long Island during a Weight Watchers Convention...

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Sybil Bruncheon’s “Aren’t Families Funny?”… Elspeth, Egbert, Irina...et al.

We all have relatives that we love but still just drive us crazy, don’t we?... Take this old photo of my Grandmother Elspeth at a young age with her mother, my great grandmother Irina there on the right. Truth be told, it looks as if Irina is lecturing Elspeth (as usual!) on deportment, posture, penmanship, lady-like conduct, the proper wardrobe and accessories, clean gloves, table manners, letter-writing etiquette, thank-you notes, flower-arranging, embroidery vs. needlepoint, and properly filled out dance cards at cotillions. This was how they spent their days together, and indeed how most mothers and daughters spent their days in 1893.

 Interestingly, the two gentlemen to the left of them are Elspeth’s twin brother, Cedric, and his… um… “friend”, Horace Makeworthy, of the vast Makeworthy Mustard and Cough Syrup fortune… They are apparently remaining polite and silent as many “sensitive and single men” of that time did when in the presence of a self-possessed older woman… or a battleship, both of which my great-grandmother was mistaken for… frequently… at Bridge parties, and in harbors. This photo shows a typical day in London when Great-Grandma would commandeer members of her family to accompany her on errands, social calls, and shopping while her husband Victor would be at “the club” with his pals smoking cigars, wheeling and dealing, and regaling each other with adventures that probably never happened.

 Oh… and there are two other members of my family in the photo there too… Yep, there on the extreme left, peeking out from behind that street post, is cousin Egbert, who adored startling his relatives at the most inopportune moments by playing endless and often tragic practical jokes. He often would disguise himself as infamous murderers that had made the headlines of the newspapers and climb up trellises or hide in hedges to frighten everyone in the family… well, except for Great-Grandma Irina who was as deadly with a pair of hedge-clippers as she was with a frilly parasol. His favorite modus operandi was to skulk about at night dressed in a huge cape with a rubber knife and to jump out on unsuspecting victims and “stab them to death”. London, and indeed most polite society around the world, was still reeling from the unsolved horror of the Jack the Ripper catastrophe just five years earlier, so Egbert rocked with glee when his serial-killing pantomimes would send chamber maids, nannies, and ladies of questionable character shrieking in terror, if only for a few minutes, until they realized they’d been attacked by a giggling simpleton in a Vaudeville costume with a toy store knife.

Of course, Elspeth, after having been killed on numerous occasions, only scolded him, and Egbert was too wary of Irina’s deadly parasol. By the way, when Egbert was on his night-time forays into the world of mayhem, he called himself Knifey! He would scrawl “Knifey was here!” in chalk, or sometimes chocolate syrup near his latest murder, and he explained that his name as a serial killer should leave no room for confusion, especially if Scotland Yard were to become involved. He often reversed letters in “Knifey” or wrote one backwards or in lower case and upper case mixed to increase the sinister air about it all. You can imagine how vexed he was that Scotland Yard never attempted to solve any of Knifey’s murders… nor indeed, ever came to the house to express a passing interest. It only drove him to greater and more wanton stabbing incidents; in just one infamous week, he stabbed several of his younger sister’s dolls, a plate of cookies which he proceeded to eat, and various neighborhood cats (who scratched him rather badly, and who can blame them? Cats have very little sense of humor when it comes to rubber knives and play-stabbing!)  Great-Grandma finally ended his semi-appalling crime-spree when she pulled out a pair of sewing scissors and snipped his rubber knife in half just as he was about to stab her Charlotte Russe during tea.

You remember I mentioned there were two other relatives of mine in the photo; Egbert on the left, and on the extreme right… there’s Cousin Danny; perfectly lovely in so many ways, with quite an impressive stamp collection too, but unfortunately given to urinating out-of-doors… often in broad daylight. Oh well.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Who'z Dat?"... Happy Birthday to Harry Houdini (March 24, 1874 – October 31, 1926)

Harry Houdini (born Erik Weisz in Budapest, later Ehrich Weiss or Harry Weiss; March 24, 1874 – October 31, 1926) was an American stunt performer, noted for his sensational escape acts. He first attracted notice as "Harry Handcuff Houdini" on a tour of Europe, where he sensationally challenged different police forces to try to keep him locked up. This revealed a talent for gimmickry and for audience involvement that characterized all his work. Soon he extended his repertoire to include chains, ropes slung from skyscrapers, straitjackets under water, and having to hold his breath inside a sealed milk can. Houdini made a number of movies, but quit acting when it failed to bring in money. He was also a keen aviator, and aimed to become the first man to fly a plane in Australia. Even the circumstances of his death on Halloween, October 31st, 1926 were dramatic and mysterious. According to one version, a student in Montreal asked him if his stomach was hard enough to take any blow, to which he replied that it was, whereupon the student rained a series of blows on it before Houdini had time to tense up. A few days later, he died of a ruptured appendix.

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March 19, 1915: Happy, Happy Birthday to Patricia Morison!...

Click here for her wonderful story!! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patricia_Morison?fbclid=IwAR3N_hIhY553NsNCx6UxF22pR6lasRGbxDsHr-gze60R2uHIZCGqVC8quGg

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YAY! The Spring Equinox 2021 is here...

The Mayans celebrated the beginning of Spring as one of their most important holidays… and various celebrations occurred in every culture in the ancient world. Click here: https://www.newsweek.com/spring-equinox-meaning-traditions-world-1576888

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Sybil Bruncheon's "My Merry Memoirs!"... Chapter 17, page 812... Round and round...

At the World’s Fair in 1965, I was a demo-model in the Kitchen-Of-Tomorrow exhibit for Amana!!! I stood on a giant turntable and walked through a 21st century kitchen displaying all the new appliances and gadgets while throngs of people came up for the shows. Each demonstration lasted 18 minutes exactly before I started again at the Plutonium Toaster, the Cry-O-No-More Freezer, the Singing Dishwasher, and the Cutting Board / TV where you slice and dice vegetables right on the faces of the news-casters....or Lucy Ricardo and Ralph Cramden!!! “HA HA!”…

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Sybil Bruncheon's Advice on Daylight Saving Time...

Facebook Friends! Tonight is the traditional "turning forward of the clocks" for Daylight Saving Time.... which may have been invented by clever old Benjamin Franklin, but that's another story for another time! And speaking of "old", remember, you're only turning the clock forward ONE HOUR!.... For most of us, the loss of that single hour is completely arbitrary. But a few folks get very emotional or flustered or even violent at the thought of losing an actual HOUR off their lives, so Mummie advises that you take a nice bubble bath and have a cheerful little glass of brandy or a charming port! ... and remember also to use an extra portion of moisturizer or even cold creme before you go to bed to ward off any strange aging that might take place!... Of course, if you live through to the Fall when we turn our clocks BACK one hour, you'll be an hour younger again! And that's a great comfort, isn't it???

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Fashion & Festivities in Faraway Places!"...

"Foolish and self-centered Earthlings! Why do you think life-forms from other planets have no sense of style, fashion, or even humor? We can be very festive and quite frivolous, especially on holidays... when we dine on delicacies that we collect... mostly orange things. But oh, how they struggle so... and scream. Give us your orange things, and we shall leave in peace. Now go! GO!"...

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*Tour-ette in Minneapolis... MOOSE MOUNTAIN with a margarita!… talk about vertigo! 3/1/2019

Traveling for work all over the USA; A devastating snowstorm in Minneapolis, but a world of wackiness inside the Mall of America! WHEEEE!

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Sybil Bruncheon's Tour-ette From… where??!"... March 4th, 2020.

Traveling for work all over the USA; is it possible that our travel agent actually sent us to Springfield, Illinois instead of Springfield, Missouri?!? LOLOL!

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