Sybil Bruncheon's "Hysterical Histories"... Epiphany"...
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… also known as Three Kings Day...or The Twelfth Day of Christmas... an alternative history...
Yes, boys and girls, we all know the nice story of how the three wise men (or kings, as some people called them) came to Bethlehem to see the Holy family and the newborn baby in the manger. And even though Jesus was born in a stable with barnyard animals everywhere and bad smells, the three royal visitors brought very valuable gifts to him, (although we never DO actually find out what happened to those gifts later or if they were cashed in for money to help the family out or at least contribute to Jesus going to a good school in a better neighborhood!).
At any rate, over the years, there have been rumors that Melchior, Balthazar, and Caspar might NOT have been the first (or only) three wise men to reach Mary, Joseph, and the blesséd savior on that special night. Here is one of the other possibilities now being suggested by both archaeologists and scriptural scholars.
The three "wise men" were actually called The Three Friskiccinos, a troop of former college pals who majored in beer, babes, and bocci balling at Babylonia U. After they graduated with degrees in macramé tent and brassiere making, they decided to tour the Middle East, and stumbled on the stable in Bethlehem when they needed a wall to relieve themselves behind. Hearing a bunch of animals making barnyard sounds and an annoying little boy banging on a drum, they peeked into a window and saw "the Nativity" scene. As inebriated as they were, they still recognized that something special was happening, and they felt compelled to help out in any way they could. They searched through their luggage for some sort of contributions they might make... and this was the result: from left, they were...
1) Anwar "Hardee Har Har" Gummswalloo who gave a bunch of Sumerian nudey-post cards, "that the little boy would grow up to appreciate hot babes, especially during Spring break on the Dead Sea!",
2) Joralemon "Bunko-Boy" Carobbash, who donated his little black book that "the kid will have a head start on his nursery school classmates when it comes to cool hangouts and the ladies that work there", and
3) Mr. Nancy Hottie-Hotep, popular drag performer from Alexandria who donated three of her bath robes, a 10’ feather boa, a pair of open-toed sandals, and a brand new lip stick "in case your boy grows up to like show-business and perform in front of large crowds!"... apparently, all the gifts were graciously received by the new parents.
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