Sybil Bruncheon's "Hysterical Histories On This Date - November 17th!"...

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... in 1479 - Florence, Italy... Domenica Fibrilligi, the Contessa of Sfogliatelle...

Never a particularly attractive young girl, poor Domenica wanted to be desired like so many of her classmates in the Little Sisters of St. Brutina Academy for Privileged Ladies. Domenica was not even considered prettier than her brothers who were known for their broken noses and cauliflower ears from too many years of roustabouting with the Capulets and Montagues from neighboring towns... (or with farm animals who resisted amorous invitations on Saturday nights!) Interestingly, when Domenica was asked by the family physician if she would want to go to a great surgeon of international renown to have something... ANYTHING changed about her appearance...

...the first words out of her mouth were, "MY BREASTS ARE TOO SMALL!"...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Hysterical Histories On This Date - November 12th!"...

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1723 - Mr. Ambrose Godfrey patents a gunpowder-fueled fire extinguisher system in England. A week later, he burns down the entire town of Flamby-on-Peekytoe when he tries to put out a scented candle in his outhouse with his new invention. He is arrested as England's first pyromaniac.

1847 - Sir James Young Simpson, a British physician, is the first to use chloroform as an anaesthetic. Interestingly, he uses it on himself during a do-it-yourself appendectomy/tummy tuck... in his sleep!!

1859 - Jules Leotard performs 1st Flying Trapeze circus act (Paris) He also designed the garment that bears his name. Sadly, he falls to his death only one year later when he's distracted by a run in his stocking during his triple-backward somersault pirouette with a half-pike doodle quirney...

1873 - Bay District Race Track in San Francisco opens. Two weeks later a gay bath house/poodle grooming salon opens next door.

1890 Mabel Loomis Todd publishes the first edition of "Poems by Emily Dickinson"... unfortunately, she misprints the cover of the book; "Poems by Emily Dickmesome"... Fortunately, Miss Dickinson had died four years earlier, although local spiritualists claim the her ghost is seen wandering around Amherst, making barnyard sounds and emitting unpleasant smells during ice cream sociables.

1899 - British troops reach Durban, Natal... (... yeah, they didn't know where that was either...)

1936 - First ever TV Gardening show "In Your Garden" shown on BBC television. Interestingly, 98% of Brits don't have a television yet... or even know that the word means...

1946 - A branch of the Exchange National Bank in Chicago, Illinois opens the first ten drive-up teller windows. Sadly, most people don't understand the concept and end up ordering hamburgers and fries instead.

1966 - Dick The Bruiser beats Mad Dog Vachon in Omaha, to become National Wrestling Alliance champ! Mad Dog had been temporarily distracted by a run in his leotard during a triple-backward somersault pirouette with a half-pike doodle quirney... onto the referee...

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