From Sybil Bruncheon's "Hysterical Histories"...

November 16th, 1889... Thomas Edison began experimenting with early ideas for a refreshing spa-treatment for patients suffering from depression, nervousness, and kleptomania. After a few months with no positive results, he adjusted his equipment and findings and invented the first electric chair. Ironically, it was a sort of cure for depression, nervousness, and certainly kleptomania.

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Sybil Bruncheon's Hysterical Histories... The Marcia Blaine School for Girls

We’ve all heard about “The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie” and her stormy career as a teacher there, but what do we really know about her students? As privileged girls from the well-to-do class, did they have their own scandalous secrets? Let’s investigate…

(front row, left to right)

Gwinneth MacWhorter: youngest daughter of Ebin and Enid MacWhorter, well-known music hall comedians and sidewalk buskers. “The MacWhorter Chortlers” built a reputation as bawdy and often raucous performers who entertained soldiers, sailors, and traveling salespersons with their ribald stories of farm girls, barnyard animals, and amputees’ artificial limbs. Little Gwinnie intended to follow in their footsteps.

Annalee Pooth: Orphaned at 2 years of age but supported by a generous trust fund from her deceased parents whose fortune was made in woolens. Luckily, Annalee didn’t have to dress in anything less than the finest cashmere since ordinary wool made her itch terribly.

Cathrine-Mae Hobtitt: Annalee’s secret girlfriend and soon-to-be “wife”. Cathrine and Annalee feigned complete disinterest in each other despite the fact that they spent seven entire years at private school within 24” of each other… occasionally “accidentally” brushing their hands against each other while talking with other people about Ladies’ Rugby, Ladies’ Lacrosse, and Ladies’ Bare-Fisted Boxing.

Pennelope Fipps-Hatchet: Voted “Most Friendly to Elderly People and Their Pets”… three years in a row.

(middle row, left to right)

Sarrah and Farrah McHugh: Twins (though not identical!), these two girls were as different from each other as they looked! Sarrah was given to studious pursuits, hobbies like collecting bugs and rocks, and obsessively joining clubs more associated with boys’ interests; the chess club, the math club, the astronomy club, etc. Her sister Farrah was more interested in fashion, collecting designer handbags and shoes, and joining clubs where she could meet boys; the chess club, the math club, the astronomy club, and hanging around their mens’ rooms.

Brynne and Glynne Banksden: Thoroughly identical twins who often used their being mistaken for each other to their advantage… sometimes for good-natured mischief, but later on for smash-and-grabs, pickpocketing, Ponzi schemes, and finally abduction and murder.

Kiki Btumbo: One of the few exchange students, in her case from Swazi-Cacaoland where her father was the much loved Prime Minister. Kiki was immensely popular at Marcia Blaine and never bothered or bullied even by the most troublesome girls, probably because the Minister of Propaganda in Swazi-Cacoaland had secretly spread the false rumors that her family were cannibals.

(back row left to right)

Deborah MacNichol: A self-described sorceress and Wiccan nudist, “Debbie-Mack” as she called herself was on a strict herb, twig, and beetle diet which stunned and horrified the faculty… not so much because it offended or frightened them, but because she was responsible for devastating damage to the ornamental gardens and landscaping of the Academy. She usually wore black in keeping with her witchcraft practices… and because it hid grass stains.

Mollie-Margaret Malloy: An Irish student with a lovely soprano singing voice who could accompany herself on the zither, the glockenspiel, the xylophone, and a cello-horn… simultaneously. It helped that she had an extra finger on each hand.

Stephanie Clumpp: A perfectly lovely young girl, mostly a B+/A- student, friendly without being cloying, good at crafts and needlework, and volunteered at the local doll-hospital. Tragically, at 36 years of age, she returned to the quarry where this photo was taken and threw herself into the gravel grinder. Her demise was not discovered until a week later when her suicide note was delivered to the local newspaper. But by then she had been paved into the new M8 highway between Edinburgh and Glasgow.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Hysterical Histories On This Date - November 17th!"...

... in 1479 - Florence, Italy... Domenica Fibrilligi, the Contessa of Sfogliatelle...

Never a particularly attractive young girl, poor Domenica wanted to be desired like so many of her classmates in the Little Sisters of St. Brutina Academy for Privileged Ladies. Domenica was not even considered prettier than her brothers who were known for their broken noses and cauliflower ears from too many years of roustabouting with the Capulets and Montagues from neighboring towns... (or with farm animals who resisted amorous invitations on Saturday nights!) Interestingly, when Domenica was asked by the family physician if she would want to go to a great surgeon of international renown to have something... ANYTHING changed about her appearance...

...the first words out of her mouth were, "MY BREASTS ARE TOO SMALL!"...

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From Sybil Bruncheon's "Hysterical Histories...The Doomed Celeste"...

Halloween Haunted Celeste Contortionist Collage (704F).jpg

One of many owners who owned and now haunt this unfortunate little celeste (often mistaken for a piano!): Born Placenta O'Grady she later took on the stage name of LICKETY-SPLITZ as a drag-performer/contortionist. She could play Mozart forwards and backwards… with her feet! BEHIND HER EARS! She performed mostly in mining towns along the West Virginia/Pennsylvania border with a very friendly rhesus monkey which accompanied her on the ukulele. On various occasions the monkey (named Mr. Wonky) would be dressed as Joan of Arc, Florence Nightingale, or Eleanor Roosevelt, depending on political proclivities of the local audiences. Simultaneously, O’Grady could juggle various oblong vegetables shaped like foreign countries...or Presidents of the United States. Coincidentally, she had fairly lovely skin. She lost her life when a jealous lover folded her into a three penny envelope and mailed her to Niagara Falls. Her restless ghost insists on playing the Queen of the Night's aria from THE MAGIC FLUTE.. "Der Hölle Rache!!!!!"...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Hysterical Histories... Follow The Bouncing Ball"...

Ah yes... the famous though tragic Prince Юсипов вонючие шарики (Yusipov Smellibalz). Distantly related to the Czar, he gambled away his own small fortune on horse and dog racing, roulette, and billiards. He was granted a certain amount of leeway by loansharks and disreputable carnival persons because of his Romanov connection, but finally, the more unsavory of them began to use more dangerous threats trying to collect their debts from him. Once his own Fabergé eggs had been pawned along with his collection of luxury automobiles, stable of thoroughbreds, and the family silver, he was forced to join the sad Vaudeville circuit that traveled the entire length of Russia, from the Baltic Sea all the way to Siberia. His extraordinary talent at billiards, especially "novelty shots" was the draw... and of course his young children's acrobatic abilities on the balance beam, even and uneven bars, and the tumbling mats! The family was listed as YUSSY & HIS SMELLIBALLS! (postcript: The Prince and his family escaped the Revolution and emerged in New York City in 1920 as a band of performers "Saluted And Admired By The Crowned Heads Of Europe!)...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Hollywood's Hysterical Histories"...

Sybil Actress Aileen Pringle 1925.jpg

Poor, poor Aileen Pringle... she had that awful speaking voice and those appalling speech impediments! As her film career ended with the advent of the "talkies", she was forced to serve as a human radio antenna in the MGM cafeteria during lunch time!

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Sybil Bruncheon's HIT-OR-MISS HISTORIES!... "Inventions That Failed"...

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This is the amazing "Emotion Wheel" first proposed by psycho-therapists Robert Plutchik and Kaitlin Robbs, to map the amazing array and range of emotional responses to stimuli in the modern world!.... Sadly, their psychological and philosophical research did not improve their OWN emotional dysfunction with colleagues or in the everyday workplace. They finally resolved to mount the wheel on a piece of cardboard, push a pin through the middle, and spin it in the morning as they left for their offices at Rockefeller University’s Advanced Psychological Studies Laboratories.

Their basic approach to their day would be left up to chance, and, being disciplined scientists, they would adhere strictly to what the wheel's choice had been for the both of them. It worked fairly well, although other scientists and their friends and family would notice a certain rigidity to their moods. It was often said the whatever their attitude was in the morning could not be altered at any point during the day no matter what the ups and downs that might come along. The good news was that if the day started cheerfully then not even the worst setbacks could shake them... a car accident after work was met with belly laughs and a jolly champagne dinner once they had gotten home from the hospital. On the other hand, the bad news was that both Plutchik and Robbs remained sullen and resentful even after they found out that they won the lottery on June 13th and only became grateful the following morning (courtesy of the wheel's random choice), though prone to excessive tears and unexplained introspection until the 15th. Month after month these strange mood swings went on and on without rhyme or reason or the public's knowledge of the cause. 

Eventually, the whole Emotion Wheel experiment came to a terrible end when accidentally, they spun for their moods separately. They had not realized that each had left the house without coordinating with the other on that fateful Tuesday in December. Robbs spun and received "Wildly Elated With Hints Of Mania", and Plutchik was given "Imploded Rage Armed With a Machete"..... well, you probably read the newspapers.....Remember? "HEADLESS CORPSE IN TOPLESS BAR!"....Robbs and his head were buried in Ronkonkoma, and Plutchik was confined to the Rikers Island Psychiatric Facility For The Mentally Whimsical......

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Sybil Bruncheon's "The HOW ODD Histories!"... Chapter 122: Medicines or MADNESS?...

So much of the 18th and 19th centuries was spent in both the scientific progress of the medical sciences and, simultaneously, the promotion of superstitions and often dangerous quackeries and snake-oil scams by charlatans! The Age of Enlightenment had not completely dispelled mankind's lingering and sometimes willful ignorance, and so county fairs and carnivals became the havens of these practitioners, often with exotic names, fascinating "backgrounds", intricate machinery and devices, and peculiar concoctions...

An example in point? "MESMERINE".... at small exhibitions in a crowded tent, a woman claiming to be an "energistress" would apply her hands in a variety of odd positions and configurations to the face, head, and body of volunteers from the audience, searching out "maladies, misalignments, and miasmas". She would then, with an assortment of twitches, squeezes, pinches, rubbings, and mumbled words or perhaps barnyard sounds, dispel the problems from the subject. As she "succeeded" she would increase her vehemence by shaking, striking, or even kicking the patient while shrieking loudly and scolding the illnesses "to leave our beloved brother"...or sister, as the case might be. The patients, now rolling on the floor and perhaps shrieking themselves, would be filled with a combination of both gratitude and possibly terror, and would gladly pay the $3.00 that Mesmerine's "manager" would charge for the "healing".

Mesmerine's popularity and reputation increased over a span of ten years or so, until it was discovered that she had originally been a lady-wrestler from MacNamee's Milwaukee-Minneapolis circuit, and that her specialty was combat with animals, usually bears and the occasional bison. Animal cruelty societies run by high-born ladies of the community had eventually closed her shows and would have run her out of towns had it not been revealed that all of the animals in her act were not only tame, but in fact much-beloved and well-cared for pets on her own rescue-farm. Indeed, Mesmerine (formerly Gladys-Jo Hanneker of Farrell Falls, Wisconsin) had actually given her pets "animal acting classes" teaching them convincing-ferocity, stage-biting, evincing-sympathy, playing-dead, and harmonically pleasing yowling!

Turning away from wrestling, she made her way into the up and coming medicine shows, then produced by the famous Ratzwielder-Rozensweigg Entertainment Consortium that serviced circuses, ecdysiast exhibitions, and 4H fairs throughout the midwest... (The name "Mesmerine" came to Gladys in a dream she said, where a sheep with a French accent and a severe head-cold told her fortune in a tent furnished with throw pillows and a hookah.) Mesmerine flourished from about 1888 to 1899, until the quack-medicine craze faded, and, as it was finally being exposed and mocked in the public mind, Mesmerine decided to retire to her farm anyway, and to her cherished pets whom she missed terribly while on tour... She returned to being kindly, loving, (though slightly mannish) Gladys-Jo Hanneker of Farrell Falls, Wisconsin. Interestingly, while playing with the local jug-band, she composed the great American classic, "The Farmer In The Dell".... She made a fortune in royalties....claiming the song was based on her own experiences as a child in her father's barn… often late at night. 

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