Sybil Bruncheon's "Holiday Hilarity... Christmas at the Convent of the Giggling Shepherdess"...

Sister Margarita knew that at Holiday time it was always very important to be gracious when one received a gift of any sort... so the 47 lb. wheel of rare and imported yak cheese from the St. Flatulata Convent next door was quite a surprise. And it was never really clear whether it was the grey-ish green cheese that was so... um... "aromatic", or whether it was Sister Zeldina-fred who dropped it off at the kitchen door and insisted on staying for an entire pot of LapSang Souchung and some nun-chat.

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The History of St. Nasaltrice de Sine-Ayd.....

From Professor Sweet's Amazing Historium Of Wondurz & Spectacularities!!... the entire story of a miraculous little item!! It is NOT just a pendant, but in fact, a reliquary (a container holding sacred objects, tchotchkes, knick-knacks, or body parts!). This particular one contains a fragment of the sacred hankie of St. Nasaltrice de Sine-Ayd, a nun from the 16th century, who, in a 4 week fit of sneezing saw visions of Heaven, The Gates Of St. Peter, and the lovely little petting-zoo/picnic park that the Garden of Gethsemane had been converted into. Historical accounts of the time reported that she sneezed her soul out of her body over four thousand times during her ordeal, for which she was "Gesundheited" around the clock by devoted clergy, members of the nobility, shepherds, and various carnival persons that attended her.

At one point, her blessèd soul was sneezed out so violently that it lay helpless and shivering in the middle of the dining hall on the cold stone floor! It was then that Satan in the shape of a giant russet potato leaped out of a nearby vichyssoise and, reciting Hungarian swear words backwards, lunged at the innocent spirit. But a group of militant (and fairly masculine!) nuns barred his unholy way, and banished him by showing the hideous demon their lady parts and making sounds like cow-farts! Satan fled the room shrieking and covering his eyes (which was difficult because he was still a potato!)... the nuns called themselves The Little Sisters of Perpetual Politeness ever after, and they encased the sacred hankie that Nasaltrice last sneezed into as she was carried bodily (and without the anguish of perishing…or even indigestion!) into Heaven by cherubs!

And here it lies, one small fragment of that sacred cloth, thoroughly soiled but still unwashed, in a lovely "gold pendant with a border set with half pearls mounted under faceted crystal. Now in the collection of the Victoria & Albert Museum." ...(Pendant is shown in actual and rather startling size!)

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