Christmas Shopping... Here's an idea!

Darlings! With all the Holiday and office parties starting up, you might want to bring this wonderful new addition to YOUR home...!!! Here's Sybil Bruncheon in the privacy of her home riding the new EAZY-GLYDE STARE-KASE...a wonderful safety feature that allows folks to chat, doze, drink, even fall down while moving from one floor to another in their homes. Sybil sez,"I've fallen and I can't get up!!.... but I'm riding my EAZY-GLYDE, and I should hit the second floor in a minute or two! Thanks, EAZY-GLYDE!!". Just pick up your phone and dial I-M-F-A-C-E-D-O-W-N..... that's 463-223-3696. The nice lady will tell you how to order! 

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Christmas...and Intolerance....

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A Christmas Story About Intolerance: ....and then, when Debra Marie brought home her new boyfriend!....Well, she had always been precocious for her age, and had very definite ideas about the men she dated, even in kindergarten! Her parents were very progressive and felt that she should be allowed to express her inner-child libido at the Acacius Page School For Advanced Adolescence, but they were disconcerted at Holiday time when Debra Marie walked in with her dinner companion. It wasn't that he was only eight and smoked a pipe. Or that he drank, (and expensive champagne at that!)...it was...well...it was that he was... “an albino”. (That’s what Debra Marie heard her parents whisper to their friends at the buffet table over the fondue pot.) And they were forced to realize that they weren't quite the liberals they had thought they were all these years.... They tried to be very gracious, but Debra Marie could see “the look”. ….you know. THAT look, in their eyes....

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Christmas Around The World....and visitors to other stables...

SYBIL’S STORY BOOK CORNER: Children! Did you know that in other countries, people celebrate Christmas in a different way than we do? For instance, we all know the story of how the three wise men came from far away to the stable where Joseph and Mary had the baby Jesus in a manger and all the nice animals stood nearby with simple villagers and everyone was very quiet while the beautiful star shone overhead in the sky. But in the country of Märg Pieru, children celebrate the festival of St.Viska Mänguasi on the third Tuesday of December. The oldest girl in each household selects her favorite doll, and dresses it in leaves, grasses, twigs, and freshly baked cookies shaped like Maltese crosses and puts it into a specially carved cradle handed down in the family from generation to generation...or picked up in a garage sale down the lane. At midnight, neighbors armed with noisemakers and roving around the town in bands, bang on the door and demand to be let in to look at the holy baby. The townspeople are dressed in special costumes! Although there may be three wise men, there are other more famous characters for the sacred play including (in the middle) Joseph in the derby, and the blessed Virgin in a mantilla and bouquet of flowers.Then, clockwise from lower left, Chippy the Overly-Friendly Hobo, Mr. Millicent the Hairdresser and Friend to Lonely-Ladies-Everywhere, Klepto his Pet Monkey, Scabbo the Scratcher, Wizardene Who Makes Expensive Things Disappear, Chinee The Poking Pirate, Pow-WOW the Indian Lady Who Carries Around Someone Else's Arm As A Pointer, and finally Chee-Chee the Charcoal Briquette. Now children, be honest! Doesn't that group of visitors to the stable sound a little more interesting than OURS!?!?

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Christmas Celebrations Around The World: Miss Porter's Academy....

Christmas Celebrations Around The World!:........Here at the Miss Porter's Academy For Extraordinary Young Ladies, the holiday parties have begun! This is a photo of the "Animal Husbandry Class 101".... (sadly, some of the girls completely misunderstood the terminology of "animal husbandry"..... 3 of them married goats, 2 married donkeys, 2 married Shetland ponies, and 1 married a moose.... (but then she had always been a New Haven Republican)...

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[Christmas Wishes made to the Christmas Tree!] Jackie Morrison, 11 years old:

 ".....and Christmas tree?? ...my special secret Christmas wish is that Mr. Brown will continue to make payments to me and my Cub Scout gang to keep quiet about his naked-jumping-jack club and we won't have to rough him up again back in "Santa's Workshop" at the Woolworth's ...oh, and one other thing.... I'd like a pair of brass knuckles to protect my pitching hand for Pee-Wee League in the Spring!!!"

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Sybil Bruncheon asks, “Christmas shopping??...”

Hey, Facebook Friends!! Still Christmas shopping?? ...and can't find just the right gift??.... how about the new Ronco, "Porta-Gas-Chamber"...for those last minute, on-the-spot executions in rural areas that are too hard to drive to..... "Now Mr. Cyanide can come to YOU!... and clean-up afterward is easy!!!"..... Just dial D-E-A-T-H P-E-N-A-L-T-Y..! That's right, dial 332-847-3625....and leave the last "TY" off for "Thank You"! ...the nice man will tell you how to order!

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Grandma's little...um, mustache problem....

....and then, gradually, Grandma's little...um, mustache problem began to get worse and worse. But with Grandpa gone these many years, she didn't feel any need to be vain about it, although her canasta friends all giggled behind her back! .....And eventually children began sending her letters at Christmas time.... asking for toys… something she could never quite understand....

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"OH, SANTA!"...... decisions! ...decisions!

....."Oh, Santa! I just can't make up my mind! Which present do I want MOST of all???....a tin truck? ...a rolling lamb?...or a human baby?.... Can I play with all three for a while and decide then?"....

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Sybil Bruncheon’s THANKSGIVINGS PAST... Franklin & Eleanor... "the hungry years!"....

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Hello, Friends. It is a little-known fact that during the hardest years of the Great Depression, even the White House had to budget...even during Holiday time!! It would not have been politic to have been seen feasting on sumptuous dishes and reveling in the plenty that America had been known for only a few years earlier when much of the country was now dragging through bank collapses, farm foreclosures, and dust bowl droughts. The clever chefs in the White House came up with an alternative. They prepared nutritious and fairly flavorful entrees out of an unlikely source... strange sea-life from the deepest parts of the ocean.

Oceanographer William Beebe in the famous Bathysphere designed by Otis Barton dived to a depth of nearly a mile and found the most bizarre and somewhat frightening wildlife down in the darkest regions where no sunlight ever reached. Carrying creatures back for the Smithsonian Institute and the National Geographic Society, it was soon determined that these new fish species were edible during a misunderstanding in a museum cafeteria when rare specimens were mistaken for a grocery delivery to the cooking staff. The cooks were alarmed when they first took the animals from the loading dock, but assumed that the Roosevelts had brought some exotic delicacies back from foreign dignitaries.

Sadly, the odd dishes they improvised were immediately valued at nearly $1.5 million dollars when the cost of the deep-sea technology, trial-and-error device testing, military and scientific staff salaries, college and research grants, and special materials and instrumentation manufacture were all tallied. That would make the cost of every forkful of the "roasted turkey" about $5800. Both the White House and the scientific community were mortified... But the public only read in the papers that the First Family were exploring other, more economically responsible Thanksgiving dinner choices during hard times... and, after all, Mrs. Roosevelt, after the first few bites declared... "Why, Franklin!... it tastes just like tuna fish!"

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Sybil Bruncheon’s “OUR THANKSGIVING HERITAGE.... HALLELUJAH!!”…

OUR THANKSGIVING HERITAGE!!!..... Our history books all say that when the Pilgrim forefathers first sailed into Cape Cod, they were stunned by the abundance of the New World. This quote from Miles Standish is from a missive to Goody Simplicity Rumplebum; "Yay verily, Mistress, it was owr great goode fortune for wich we prayed our harty thankings, that wen wee landed on the sanddee shor, we did see cuttle fish, clambagoes, winkles, erster shellabones, tunettes, crinkletoes, crays, bombottoms, toozly-toos, and all manour of eatables in vast-yee numbers so that every Christ-ian sole might eet his fill, man, woman and childe!... why even the crabbes and lobsters seemed to walk ashore to greet us when we showed them our poles.... Hallelujah! We all have yowled our gratefull Hallelujah!"...

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