Sybil's "Hysterical Hollywood History"...

True story! Before Honor Blackman got the role of Pussy Galore in GOLDFINGER, Ian Fleming explored all sorts of different concepts for the character. He spent months struggling, worrying.... Auditions were held among Hollywood and Broadway’s most desirable, talented, and compelling actresses. Rewrites of the script were done again and again, with some of the most famous screenwriters, but nothing would help. It wasn’t until over tea one day, that he heard Sean Connery read those famous lines, "Hello, POOOSY!"... and then Fleming knew!… Blackman was skinny-dipping in his pool at the time!

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Sybil's "Weekend Weight-loss Weirdness"....

Ladies, when it comes to dieting, did you know that our mothers and grandmothers lived in a much tougher time than we do. Here's a photo from the Adipose-AWAY Spa in Carlton Corners, California in 1920. Dr. Lorne Fornecetti proposed a radical new approach to slimming and trimming milady's figure and form; "anger and angst" therapy.

In addition to the usual steam cabinets, massage tables, indian club calisthenics, and heavy weightlifting, he included hours of running in place in front of just-out-of-reach tables of the richest delicacies while being anchored to cast iron wall brackets. Sympathetic (but ruthlessly firm!) attendants would walk up and down the line of patients serving them endless glasses of warm water and lemons as they sprinted faster and faster in place towards fudge brownies, chocolate milkshakes, steaming kettles of clam chowder, Lobster Newburgs, Oysters Rockefeller, mashed potatoes, buttered croissants, banana splits, potato chips, french fries, pizzas, pies, puddings, and cakes! The room was soon full of grunts, panting, sweating, and screamed epithets and threats of physical violence, by both staff and clients alike.

A minor earthquake gave the good doctor the idea to attach his patients to a row of electric sewing machines and vibrate them even more towards the slim and svelte silhouette they (and their husbands!) were seeking! And the added bonus was the new market in "gymnasium couture" being sewn by those clients who were resting after their workouts. Henry Ford visiting the weekend coined the phrases "burning fat" and "assembly-line lean"! Within a year, the thousands of laborers working in his Detroit factories were considered "the most shapely men in America" by both "Physique Pictorial" and the "National Nudist" magazines.

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The Pumpkin House... scooped!

...there I am at "21" having lunch with Pet Harkness as she tells me about the famous "Pumpkin House" going on the auction block... you know the one, right? It was 1936, and it had been built in the 1920s. I'd been at dozens of parties in it and had always wanted to own it even if it WAS a bit far uptown…and cantilevered off the edge of those cliffs up near Inwood! But the views! And the quiet!...oh my God! Of course there was the danger of it falling down in an earthquake, but that nice seismologist, Dr. Ibrahim McSulzberger at Rockefeller University had reassured me that they were fairly rare in NYC, and he showed me his seismic water displacement theory while we were taking a bubble bath together. No matter how... um... "turbulent" the water got, it was unlikely that the bath tub would fall off its foundations! …and we tried many times!! I was ever so relieved! …and my goodness, the doctor got so frisky when he was describing tectonics, but I told him I could find no "FAULTS in his technique"! He laughed and laughed at my little joke! Sadly, I lost out on the bidding for the Pumpkin House!! To Pet Harkness!! She used a pseudonym!…"Kitty Walensky"…or… "Pussy Gabor"… and then she moved into it... with Ibrahim!! …..(selfish bitch!).

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BREAKING NEWS!!... Hollywood rocked by Oscar scandal!

THE SHAPE OF WATER has been revealed to be a stolen script from the Lumière brothers, Auguste and Louis, film pioneers in Paris in the 1900s. They had written the original story and screenplay about a girl who falls in love with a sea creature, and it seems that Hollywood execs thought that a century passing would hide their plagiarism... but! The original actress Madame Felitrice "Pou Pou" Fellatione who played the heroine is still alive and filed claims in court. She stated that she and her late husband Jean-Clemence, the actor who played the "Man-Guppy", had improvised much of the original dialogue during filming, and had choreographed all the dance numbers and mime sequences. The title of the film was J'AI MOUILLÉ MON LIT NUPTIAL (1915) and the original black and white print was hand-tinted in color, frame by frame, but lost in a tragic cheese fondue fire in the 1930s. Auguste Lumière had a complete nervous breakdown and was hospitalized for three years in the Instituer Pour Les Incommodés Émotionnellement. He was subjected to round the clock pelting with stale croques monsieurs, tepid cafe au laits, and live snails. Eventually, he returned to his senses, but insisted on wearing petticoats and swim-fins with his business suits for the rest of his life. Louis went on to a very successful life as a Fuller Brush salesman in Avignon....

Needless to say, all Oscar nominations for THE SHAPE OF WATER have been revoked...except for Best Catering. Details at 6. Silent film at 11.

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A New Sybil's "WHO'Z DAT?"... ERNST LUBITSCH (January 29, 1892 -November 30, 1947)

A German-American actor, screenwriter, producer and film director. His urbane comedies of manners, including TO BE OR NOT TO BE (1942), gave him the reputation of being Hollywood's most elegant and sophisticated director; as his prestige grew, his films were promoted as having "the Lubitsch touch." In 1947 he received an Honorary Academy Award for his distinguished contributions to the art of the motion picture, and he was nominated three times for Best Director.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "KNITTING NEWS NEAR & FAR"…….

Gronklin, Missouri: A Miss Harriet Sneeden was admitted to the Gronklin Intensive Care Rehab Clinic for Substance Abuse By Elderly Persons Who Should Know Better. It seems that Harriet (a much beloved 3rd grade geography teacher for over 37 years) had finally succumbed to the temptations of oxycontin, crack cocaine, ghb, crystal meth, poppers, and secret super 8 films of the local high school football team in their locker room. An intervention was staged last Fall by her fellow gardening club members, and she was housed in the "incorrigible ward" at the clinic where she received daily psycho-therapy, specially designed diets, hydro and electro-convulsive therapy (sometimes at the same time!), and craft classes. Sadly, although Harriet showed definite signs of improvement and sobriety, her crocheting took on increasingly ominous aspects, and she was found just this morning nearly swallowed by a 400lb. "onesy" that had morphed into an entire sofa. The rescue workers who burst into her room were nearly blinded by the conflicting chevron patterns and her grotesque color choices… Two of the EMTs were temporarily blinded and suffered projectile vomiting and ringing in their ears. Miss Sneeden has been confined for an indeterminate amount of time in a grey flannel strait-jacket and a giant Maytag washing machine cardboard box with the flaps closed….

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Hysterical Healthful Histories"... The Philbert Institute For Defused Alienation.

With the close of the 19th century, social scientists, philosophical and political observers, anthropologists, and medical professionals discussed the new phenomenon of angst that seemed to be consuming people in all walks of life in industrializing America. As greater and greater numbers of citizens left farming in the rural countryside and built their lives and careers in overcrowded cities, there seemed to be a loss of basic family constructs and communal feelings between neighbors. Dr. Joshua Philbert was a scientist who, in addition to his extensive medical background, was immersed in research into nutritional and specialized exercise programs to improve mental and physical health. Philbert created his institute for patients (or "enrollees" as he preferred to address them) to find an all-consuming wellness and inner peace that would sustain them even after they had returned to their stressful lives.

A two-week stay involved daily schedules of classes, exercises, spa treatments, lectures, crafting, movement seminars, gardening, physical exertion, and nudist culture. Sing-alongs, square dance, wicker-weaving, and watermelon war-games were all especially popular with the enrollees. Here we see a typical Watermelon War-Game in which the jolly participants are instructed to eat as much melon as possible and to spit the seeds at opposing "warriors" as quickly and violently as possible. All physical contact between aggressors must be done only through the seeds being spat and on no account should there be any touching or even cross-words. The war-games were also a sensible way to settle any bickering, arguments, petty quarrels, or personal jealousies among the enrollees and even the institute staff as well.

Two unfortunate issues did come up though during the war-games; 1) The more aggressive the "battles" became, the more watermelons the participants would consume resulting in extraordinary amounts of water weight being put on during their stays. Guests also complained of severe stomach cramps, excessive urination, and unpredictably explosive diarrhea often in front of visitors and at mealtimes. …and 2) Some seeds ended up putting people's eyes out or even choking enrollees…. to death.

These tragic setbacks were not lost on John Harvey Kellogg over at his Battle Creek Health Sanitarium. His version of aggression therapy involved patients being costumed in gigantic elasticized one-piece pajamas gathered at the wrists, ankles and neck and filled with bales of milkweed fluff. They were then given huge pillows of the same stuff and instructed to hit each other as violently as they pleased and to yell hideous epithets while confined in huge padded gymnasiums. This exercise would go on for hours until finally, exhausted, they would be found sleeping peacefully and happily mumbling names of beloved childhood pets. The staff would gently carry them back to their separate cells. Kellogg of course charged a fraction of the same fees as Philbert did and the Philbert Institute soon went out of business…. Later, Professor Philbert changed his name to Filbert, moved to Monte Carlo, and made a fortune importing nuts... the edible kind.

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A New SYBIL'S "WHO'Z DAT?"... ESTELLE WINWOOD (January 24, 1883 - June 20, 1984).

Darlings! Mummy has made a decision! After reading dozens of posts and having hundreds of conversations with well-meaning folks who just don't know about the great CHARACTER actors who gave films the depth and genius that surrounded and supported the so-called "stars", I am going to post a regular, special entry called SYBIL'S "WHO'Z DAT??"....there'll be photos and a mini-bio, and the next time you see one of those familiar, fabulous faces that you just "can't quite place".......well, maybe these posts will help. Some of these actors worked more, had longer and broader careers, and ended up happier, more loved, and even wealthier than the "stars" that the public "worships"......I think there may be a metaphor in that! What do you think??? Our guest this week is Estelle Winwood (January 24, 1883 – June 20, 1984)!!!

No! You’re seeing those dates right folks!!! She lived to be 101 years old….all the way back in 1984!! Did Willard Scott do a tribute??? Born Estelle Ruth Goodwin in England, she decided at five years of age to be an actress, and with her mother’s support she trained with the Lyric Stage Academy in London, before making her professional debut in Johannesburg at the age of 20. During the First World War she joined the Liverpool Repertory Company in Liverpool, Lancashire before moving on to a career in the West End theatre in London. She moved to the U.S. in 1916 and made her Broadway début in New York City; and, until the beginning of the 1930s, she divided her time between New York City and London. Throughout her career, her first love was the theatre; and, as the years passed, she appeared less frequently in London and became a frequent performer on Broadway, appearing in such plays as A SUCCESSFUL CALAMITY (1917), A LITTLE JOURNEY (1918), SPRING CLEANING (1923), THE DISTAFF SIDE (1934), THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST (which she also directed, 1939), WHEN WE ARE MARRIED (1939), LADIES IN RETIREMENT (1940), THE PIRATE (1942), TEN LITTLE INDIANS (1944), LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN (1947), and THE MADWOMAN OF CHAILLOT (1948). Like many stage actors of her era, she expressed a distaste for films and resisted the offers she received during the 1920s. Finally, she relented and made her film début in NIGHT ANGEL (1931), but her scenes were cut before the film's release. Her official film début came in THE HOUSE OF TRENT (1933), followed by QUALITY STREET (1937).

During the 1940s she continued her stage work with no films whatsoever, but in the 50s she began to take an interest in the new medium of Television. Because of her eccentric appearance and delivery, she guest starred on a wide variety of tv shows including the TWILIGHT ZONE, ALFRED HITCHCOCK PRESENTS, THE DONNA REED SHOW, DR. KILDARE, PERRY MASON, BEWITCHED, BATMAN, LOVE AMERICAN STYLE, THE REAL McCOYS, DENNIS THE MENACE, and several others. In the 1950s, 60s, and 70s she continued both onstage and in television making only occasional but unforgettable appearances in films like THE GLASS SLIPPER (1955), THE SWAN (1956), DARBY O’GILL AND THE LITTLE PEOPLE (1959), THE MISFITS (1961), THE MAGIC SWORD (1962), THE NOTORIOUS LANDLADY (1962), DEAD RINGER (1964), CAMELOT (1967) and THE PRODUCERS (1968). Winwood's final film appearance, at age 92 in MURDER BY DEATH (1976), was as Elsa Lanchester’s character's ancient nursemaid. In this film, she joined other veteran actors spoofing some of the most popular detective characters in murder mysteries. When she made her final television appearance in a 1979 episode of QUINCY she officially became, at age 96, the oldest actor working in the U.S., beating out fellow British actress Ethel Griffies, who worked until her 90s. Winwood ultimately achieved an eighty-year career on the stage from her début at age 16 until her final appearance at age 100, playing Sir Rex Harrison’s mother in his final MY FAIR LADY tour in 1983.

In the 1930s she was very good friends with Tallulah Bankhead and actresses Eva Le Gallienne and Blyth Daly. They were dubbed "The Four Riders of the Algonquin" in the early silent film days, because of their appearances together at the "Algonquin Round Table". Winwood was married four times but bore no children. She died in her sleep in Woodland Hills, California, in 1984, at age 101. She was the oldest member in the history of the Screen Actors Guild. She was interred in the Westwood Village Memorial Park Cemetery. When Estelle was asked, on the occasion of her 100th birthday, how she felt to have lived so long, she replied, "How rude of you to remind me!".

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A New Sybil Bruncheon's "WHO'Z DAT?"... FRANKLIN PANGBORN (January 23, 1889 – July 20, 1958)

Darlings! Mummy has made a decision! After reading dozens of posts and having hundreds of conversations with well-meaning folks who just don't know about the great CHARACTER actors who gave films the depth and genius that surrounded and supported the so-called "stars", I am going to post a regular, special entry called SYBIL'S "WHO'Z DAT??"....there'll be photos and a mini-bio, and the next time you see one of those familiar, fabulous faces that you just "can't quite place".......well, maybe these posts will help. Some of these actors worked more, had longer and broader careers, and ended up happier, more loved, and even wealthier than the "stars" that the public "worships"......I think there may be a metaphor in that! What do you think??? Well, a few weeks ago, we reviewed the wonderful talent and character of Eric Blore, an actor who was thought of as one of the best butler, floorwalker, hotel manager-types Hollywood ever produced. And if he had a rival, it would be our next guest, Mr. Franklin Pangborn (January 23, 1889 – July 20, 1958)

Although most people believed that he was British, he was actually born in Newark, New Jersey (!) Very little is known of his early years, education, or career. An encounter with actress Mildred Holland when he was 17 led to Pangborn's first professional acting experience. He was working for an insurance company when she learned about his ambitions for acting and offered him an extra's position with her company at $12 per week, initially during his two weeks' vacation. That opportunity grew into four years' touring with Holland and her troupe. Following that, he acted in Jessie Bonstelle’s stock company.

He first appeared in Broadway theatre in 1911 and appeared in an additional five plays through to 1913. Again, nothing seems to be known about him until he served in the Army during World War I in 1917, and he doesn’t reappear in the records until his role in a 1924 play again on Broadway. Interestingly, for someone later identified mainly with comedy, Pangborn's early theatrical roles were mostly dramatic and included Armand Duval in CAMILLE, another role in a play adaptation of BEN HUR, and two parts in JOSEPH AND HIS BRETHERN. 

But Hollywood saw things differently. From his debut film in the silent EXIT SMILING (1926) to his final appearance in THE STORY OF MANKIND (1957), Pangborn was cast in almost nothing but comedy roles. In the early 1930s, Pangborn worked in short subjects for Mack Sennett, Hal Roach, Universal Pictures, Columbia Pictures, and Pathé, always in support of the leading players. For example, he played a befuddled photographer opposite “Spanky” McFarland in the OUR GANG short subject WILD POSES (1933). He also appeared in scores of feature films in small roles, cameos, and recurring gags. With his prissy voice and floor-walker demeanor, Pangborn became the perfect desk clerk, dressmaker, society secretary, or all-around busybody in well over 100 films. As a matter of fact, both he AND Eric Blore were cast as comic hotel managers in FLYING DOWN TO RIO (1933), the film that officially announced the pairing of Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire for the first time.

Pangborn was a favorite of Mack Sennett who cast him repeatedly in short subjects. Most of Pangborn's pre-1936 appearances were in bits or minor roles, but a brief turn as a snotty society scavenger-hunt scorekeeper opposite Carole Lombard and William Powell in MY MAN GODFREY (1936) cemented his reputation as a surefire laugh-getter. The actor was a particular favorite of W.C. Fields, who saw to it that Pangborn was prominently cast in Fields' THE BANK DICK (1940) as hapless bank examiner J. Pinkerton Snoopington and again in NEVER GIVE A SUCKER AN EVEN BREAK (1941). He was a constant in smart comedy from Frank Capra and Gregory La Cava to the more extreme screwball comedies of Preston Sturges, though frequently upstaged with such a company of funny men as Sturges gathered around him. His appearance in Sturges’ HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO (1942) is perhaps his most riotous performance and his defining moment as celebrity comedian. Playing the chairman of the welcoming-home committee to the false-hero of Eddie Bracken, he is trying to coordinate all the festivities and caught in a literal battle of bands at the beginning of the film. Converged upon by various hokey town bands who all want to play the featured pieces, Pangborn attempts order but is methodically carried away as crowds of people arrive to suggest other songs and to assail him with arguments while the bands continue to play all the songs at once! It is musical chaos with Pangborn finally reduced to desperate blasts on a whistle and jumping up and down yelling "Not yet! Not yet!" It is one of the actor's finest pieces.

Yet Pangborn's usual stock of characters could fit drama as well. Actually, in HAIL THE CONQUERING HERO, his coordinator also has some dramatic scenes as well. He is used in dramas as a source of amusement as in NOW VOYAGER (1942) where he plays the cruise tourist director, waiting on deck for Bette Davis to join the tour of Rio De Janeiro. As an accomplished stage actor, he did miss the boards, and his friend Edward Everett Horton cast him in Horton's Los Angeles-based Majestic Theatre productions.

Pangborn played essentially the same character: prissy, polite, elegant, highly energetic, often officious, fastidious, somewhat nervous, prone to becoming flustered but essentially upbeat, and with immediately recognizable high-speed, patter-type speech. He typically played an officious desk clerk in a hotel, a self-important musician, a fastidious headwaiter, or an enthusiastic birdwatcher, and was usually put in a situation where he was frustrated or flustered by the antics of other characters. During the 30s and 40s, he appeared in over fifty films including classics like STAGE DOOR (1937), CAREFREE (1938), REBECCA OF SUNNYBROOK FARM (1938), SULLIVAN’S TRAVELS (1941), and THE PALM BEACH STORY (1942). Because of his brilliant ability at drawing a vivid character in just a few moments of screen time, he worked with and was admired by the greatest movie stars and directors of the golden age of Hollywood.

But times changed for Pangborn's specialties. Movies were more diverse and updated as the 1950s ensued. He immediately adapted to the ‘small screen’ which re-introduced him as a guest star on TV comedy shows, playing his beloved characters as cameo celebrations of his matter-of-fact stardom. Pangborn thrived on television, guesting both on sit-coms and variety shows, including an appearance as a giggling serial-killer in a "Red Skelton Show" comedy sketch. Pangborn was very briefly the announcer on Jack Paar’s “The Tonight Show”, but was fired after the first few weeks for a lack of "spontaneous enthusiasm" and replaced by Hugh Downs. The first episode is practically the only one that survives completely intact since the others were wiped by the network (except for selected clips!) to save money on videotape, the network's policy through the early 1970s. The show begins with Pangborn (enthusiastically!) reading the introduction with the coda "...and it's all live!".

Pangborn lived in Laguna Beach, California in a house with his mother and his "occasional boyfriend", according to William Mann in Behind the Screen. He died at 69 years of age on July 20, 1958 just a few months after his Jack Parr appearance and following cancer surgery. He is buried at Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Glendale. The 1940 census lists his age as 40, ten years younger than birth records show. For all of his fine work in film, Franklin Pangborn has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame at 1500 Vine Street.

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PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FROM P.E.T.A... THE HEARTBREAK!

The heartbreak of alcohol abuse in the modern pet household!!... Good morning, Friends!... (and I use that term loosely). Please ask yourself, and be brutally frank. Does your pet drink privately when you're at work?? ....Have you ever seen your Burmese casually brush things off kitchen counters while staring at you....or pretend to read the newspaper, and then eat it?...Does he or she hide stashes of catnip or old smelly socks under sofas, in cardboard boxes, or buried in houseplants? ....Does your four-legged friend cry inconsolably during broadcasts of the Westminster Kennel Club show.... or old Nine Lives commercials?? ....Does your tabby disguise himself as Morris the Cat and run up gambling debts, often with unsavory syndicate types? Has your chihuahua started wearing heavy perfumes or colognes to cover the smell of cheap booze on her breath?....Does your Collie secretly entertain OTHER pets in your home when you're away at work or on vacation, while claiming he’s actually Lassie?......Have you found livestock-nudey magazines, cassette tapes involving barnyard sounds, or OTHER pets' collars in YOUR home… with lip stick on them???.....These are all warning signs of the lonely downward spiral of pet-substance-abuse.....

Don't let shame keep YOU from helping your loved one!!!! Act now!!!!!! Dial PUSSY DRUNK!...that's right! P-U-S-S-Y D-R-U-N-K! Yes, go right to the telephone and dial 787-793-7865. The nice man will tell you how to order an intervention NOW!...and he'll even bring the leash... and a MUZZLE if necessary! Let your new command for this New Year be "HEEL!...and HEAL!" We thank you.

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